The Adorable/Awesome Video Game Colt

by Matthais Unidostres

Episode 7: Free-To-Play Pokemon Games On 3DS

AVGN: Game Over (Intro Music) by Gavin MacLean.

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He's gonna take you back to the past . . .

Button Mash jumped out of bed and landed in front of his mirror.

He's gonna play some games from past
And also recent games while they last

Button smoothed his hair with his fore hoof and then put on his beanie hat. Sweetie Belle stepped out from behind him while singing.

He'd rather have. . .
A Changeling Drone. . .
Spit a glob of green slime in his ear!

Button controlled Gordon Freeman, blasting Changelings with the Gravity Gun.

He'd rather drink. . .
A freezing milkshake. . .
And get the worst brain freeze of the year!

Button had two straws in his mouth as he drank two milkshakes at once. Sweetie Belle watched him in disbelief as is eyes widened and he suddenly reared back and screamed in pain.

He's the most awesome gamer you'll ever behold
He's the awesome Nintendo Colt

Button sat on his desk, looking at a Play Station Plus card and a XBOX Live card.

He's the awesome Microsoft, Sony Colt
He's The Awesome Video Game Colt!

Button slammed the buttons on his Wii-mote as he played ThruSpace. The keydron missed the hole and smashed against the wall, causing Button to throw down the Wii-mote in anger.

He knows all of the shortcuts and cheats

On his NES, Button played Super Mareo Bros. 3 and flew over a castle wall to find a Warp Whistle.

But there still are games that he just can't beat

Button and Sweetie Belle knocked heads as they tried to play Wonderbolt Free Fliers, causing Button to cry.

But he won't care . . .
He still wants more . . .
He just won't stop till he beats the high score.

Button stuck out his tongue in concentration as he tired to get past the acid and flying enemies in Maretroid, and kept failing.

With is beanie hat . . .
And Humgonian's words . . .
He'll play on past the boss's red door.

On the Wii, Button had Mareo ground pound on a meteor to smash the lock on a big boss door.

He's the most awesome gamer you'll ever behold
He's the awesome Nintendo Colt

Button's mouth hang open as he sat playing Goat Simulator, staring at the glitches and insanity going on in the game world.

He's the awesome Microsoft, Sony Colt
He's The Awesome Video Game Colt!

Button shouted into his headset as he played Friendship Fortress 2.

He doesn't have his Cutie Mark yet,
But he really doesn't care much at all about that.

Button shouted in rage as he ripped the Spectrobes game card out of his 3DS, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it repeatedly.

But bad games make him throw a fit,
And when they get too hard, he just shouts-

"RAGE QUIT!" Button shouted, throwing his hooves up after loosing all his stuff in Minecraft.

He'll play all night and not care one bit,
But when he gets ripped off he doesn't forget

Button sighed and drank an apple juice box as he stared at the load screen of Soarin '06.

He'd rather bite . . .
A Quarry Eel . . .
Than pay two gems to the Balloon Roulette Wheel.

Button stared at his 3DS screen with a look of shock as he slowly turned his head to look at the 20 bit Nintendo eShop card in his free hoof.

He has a list . . .
Of lousy games . . .
What were they thinking? Were the programmers insane?

Button glared at the FRI logo on the Spirit of speed 1973 game box, and then threw it as hard as he could against the wall.

He's the most awesome gamer you'll ever behold . . .

Button cheered as he portal flinged himself through a level of Portal 2.

He's the most awesome gamer you'll ever behold
He finds the secrets and cheats so it just never gets old

Button opened up the Portal 2 Test Chamber creator and put together a test chamber. The whole process was shown in fast speed.

He's the cutest most awesome gaming colt
He's the Awesome Video Game Colt . . .

Button and Sweetie Belle sat next to each other with their laptops running Minecraft, and they gave each other a nod and started their game.

Yeah, he's the Awesome Video Game Colt.

Episode 7: Free-To-Play Pokemon Games

Button Mash sat in his room, just thinking. Then he said, "Remember back when you used to just go to the video game store, buy a game, take it home, and play it? Yeah, it's simple and direct. You wanna play a game? Well then you gotta pay for it. You can't expect to play video games for free."

Button Mash sighed and held up his 3DS. "That is, until now."

Button Mash turned on his 3DS and selected the game Pokemon Shuffle.

"This is Pokemon Shuffle. A free-to-play Pokemon game. Yeah, that's right. A free-to-play Pokemon game. A free-to-play Nintendo game."

Button Mash looked up with wide eyes. "I know it sounds impossible, but exists. Here it is. They did. Nintendo did it."

"For those of you who don't know, free-to-play games are games you can download and play without paying a bit, but there are often things inside the games, like power-ups or extra levels, that you have to pay for. So, it's basically a flim-flam."

"I expect trickery like this from small game companies that makes apps for smartphones, but Nintendo?" Button said in disbelief. Button calmed down a bit and smiled calmly, "But then again, this is Nintendo we're talking about here, so I bet this game will actually be pretty good. So good in fact that the in game micro-transactions won't be necessary. Well then, let's play it!"

The game started up, a reporter pony appeared on the screen.

"The game starts out with a tutorial guided by a reporter named Amelia. What happened, was Alexa too busy? Anyway, I'll spare you the boring tutorial, cause the games real easy. In the game, you go along a board game-like path battling wild Pokemon. How do you battle these Pokemon? You wanna know? Bejeweled style!"

A grid with Pokemon faces appeared on the bottom screen. Button moved the faces around the match lines of three or more. The faces disappeared and flew at the Espur face on the top screen.

Button looked up and shrugged, "Okay . . . well . . . that's different."

Button went back to playing and continued, "In order to win the level and move on to the next one, you gotta knock the Pokemon out before you run out of moves. That's right, you got a turn limit. Also, if you win, you get a chance to catch the Pokemon in a Pokeball. Catching Pokemon is important, because when you get enough, you can choose up to four Pokemon to use in battle before each level. That way you can use Pokemon that are super effective against the Pokemon you're fighting, which deals double damage. You can also increase your Pokemon's attack power by leveling them up. Yeah, they get experience points every time you use them in a level. Pokemon also have special abilities, like getting rid of blocks or doing more damage when you match 4, or increasing the power of a certain type during a combo. And best of all, every time you beat a Mega Evolved Boss level, you get a Mega Stone that can allow your Pokemon to Mega Evolve, and Mega Evolved Pokemon can totally destroy the game field!"

Button Mega Evolved his Audino into Mega Audino, and matched three of them together. This took out the Pokemon around it, leading to a huge cascade that led to a long combo as Pokemon fell into matches.

Button looked up and said, "Okay, so this game sounds like a lot of fun. It has tons of Pokemon, action, cool visuals, and RPG elements. So how could you screw it up?"

Button frowned darkly and looked down at the screen. "Well, I'll tell ya how. Every time you even attempt to play a level, you have to pay a heart. You start with five hearts, and each heart takes 30 minutes to recharge. Each level usually takes about a minute to play. This means that for every 5 minutes of game play, you have to wait at least 25 minutes before you can play again."

Button looked back up with his mouth hanging open in shock. "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?" he shouted. Then he blinked and scowled, "Oh wait, I know what they were thinking. They were thinking MONEY! That's what!"

"Ya see, you can only have five hearts from waiting for them to regenerate. But you can also pay real money to get gems, and then trade these gems for more hearts. Up to 80 of them."

"Speaking of money, there's another type of currency in the game called coins. You earn coins by beating levels. What do you use coins for? Well, before each level you can use coins to buy power-ups like extra moves, stopping the Pokemon you're battling from disrupting you, making combos easier by removing one possible match-able Pokemon, extra experience points, giving you more attack power, or to make your Pokemon Mega Evolve right away. The only trouble is that some of these power-ups take a lot of coins. Mega Start costs 2000 coins, Attack Power costs 3000 coins, and making combos easier costs 9000 coins! What makes it even worse is that earning coins takes forever! Beating a stage the first time gives you 100 coins, but every time after that gives you only 30 coins. Why replay a stage? To catch a Pokemon you couldn't catch the first time!"

"Ya see, after you beat a stage, you get a chance to catch the Pokemon. The more moves you have left, the better chance you have of catching it."

A Pikachu was on the top screen. The meter on the bottom showed a 60% percent chance of catching it. Button tapped the Pokeball, and it flew at the Pikachu. The ball moved, and the Pikachu broke out.

"Denkalith," Button said darkly as the Pokeball was replaced by a Great Ball. A message appeared asking if he wanted to buy the Great Ball.

"If the Pokeball doesn't work, you can buy a Great Ball for 2500 coins. Yeah, that much. Trust me, you will rarely have enough coins to buy it. The Great Ball doesn't even guarantee that you'll catch it. It just boosts the chance of you catching it by 15% or 20%. Sometimes even less! And you can't even buy any stronger ones! How about an Ultra Ball? How about a Master Ball? How about any other balls? How come you can't buy a Dive Ball so you can catch a Water-type, or a Dusk Ball so you can catch one while playing at night? But nope, you're stuck with Pokeballs and Great Balls."

Button paid the coins and caught the Pikachu with a 90% chance.

"And do you know what really gets me angry? The meter doesn't even have to be that high to catch a Pokemon. I've caught Pokemon with as little as a 30% chance! It might actually be better to just skip the Great Ball and replay the stage. . . if I weren't worried about using up all my hearts just trying to catch one Pokemon that I might not even use again!"

Button reached for his juice box and took a long drink from it.

"You're probably wondering, is there a faster way to earn coins? Well, if you connect to internet, you get an extra 500 coins once every day, 1000 on every tenth day. You can earn more coins by beating special levels you download. You can get extra coins, hearts, and even gems through Street Pass. That's when you walk by other 3DS's that have the game while your 3DS is in sleep mode. The only problem with that is that you'd be lucky to find more than 3 people who have this game!"

"You can also buy coins with gems, ah, no."

He then went back to playing the game.

"Okay, so here's Mega Mewtwo Y . . ."

Button began matching Pokemon to attack Mega Mewtwo Y, but then a whole bunch of blocks appeared, limiting his moves.

"Oh come on, that's not fair! How am I supposed to beat this boss if I can't do any combos! I didn't even get a chance to Mega Evolve my Gengar! I haven't even taken out half of Mewtwo's HP!"

Button ran out of moves, and a message came up asking if he wanted to pay a gem for five more moves.

"Well I don't have any gems, and if I did, I still wouldn't pay one because that's basically 3000 coins down the drain!"

"Well, the game tells you to catch Pokemon that are super effective whenever you lose. Like right now, it tells me to catch Zoroark. And when you fail at catching Zoroark, it tells you to go catch another Pokemon, then another, and you get stuck in this whole catching spree that drains your coins and hearts, which drains your gems, which trains your real life wallet and real life time!"

"And look at this, I got Gengar, Zoroark, Scizor, and Scyhter; four Pokemon who are super effective against Psychic-types like Mewtwo; and I still can't defeat Mega Mewtwo Y, and I'm trying as hard as I can!"

Button triggered Scizor and Scyther's abilities that increased their power when he was almost out of moves, but the blocks appeared and boxed Button in again, causing him to run out of moves again.

"GRRRRR! DENKALITH!" Button exclaimed, "Why can't I get past this level!"

Button stopped for a moment, and said thoughtfully, "You know, maybe it's because I'm not playing it in 3D. Maybe the 3D will help me get more into it, kinda immerse myself a bit more, yeah."

Button turned up the 3D slider, but nothing happened.

"What?" Button said flatly, moving the slider up and down, "There's no 3D. . . A 3DS game has no 3D . . ."

Button looked up slowly, his face a picture of pure shock. Then, he shouted, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING???!!!"

Button promptly quit the game and went back to the Home screen.

Button sighed, "Well, this where I'd end things . . ." Button took another drink from his juice box, and then said, "But . . . there is another 3DS Free-to-Play Pokemon game. Pokemon Rumble: World."

Button got up and walked over to his Wii and turned it on. He used the Wii Remote to select Pokemon Rumble and started it up. "But first, a little background. Pokemon Rumble started as a WiiWare game where you control toy Pokemon. Toy Pokemon don't level up, and they can only know two moves. The only way to get stronger Toy Pokemon is to catch them. How do you catch them? By having your Toy Pokemon hack, slash, and beat up big groups of enemies and hope one of them falls over for you to pick up." Button controlled a Pikachu hich mowed down mobs of enemy Toy Pokemon. Large coins were dropped by defeated Toy Pokemon. "You could also earn in game coins that you used to teach new moves and stuff. The first game was just about trying to win at more difficult battle royales. The game had two sequels, Pokemon Rumble Blast on the 3DS, and Pokemon Rumble U for the WiiU. These games had a bit more story and better multiplayer features. But unfortunately, we're not talking about them. You had to buy those games. They had to give you your bits' worth. No, we're talking about the free-to-play version Pokemon Rumble. Pokemon Rumble World on the 3DS. Imagine hearing about how fun Pokemon Rumble Blast is, and then getting Pokemon Rumble World by accident! That would stink real bad!"

Button turned off his Wii and went back to his 3DS, and he started up Pokemon Rumble World.

"The plot of the game is that your Pomii has to get an army of Pokemon Toys for the king in order to defeat some evil wizard guy who wants to take over the world or something, I don't really care. Like Pokemon Shuffle, there are gems you can buy with real money. You can also get them by getting other Pomiis from the internet to appear in your game, one for every five. Sometimes a Pomii will give you one. You can also earn gems by beating the missions the king gives you in a certain way, like using only one Pokemon type, destroying a certain number of objects, getting a certain combo, or not destroying something."

"What do you do with these gems? Well, I don't know, how about EVERYTHING!"

Button sighed as he rubbed his forehead with his eyes closed. "Let me put it this way. You want to play more levels? you have to pay 10, 20, or 50 gems just to get a hot air balloon to take you to a level. You want to be able to hold onto more 100 Toy Pokemon? First you pay 2 gems for every 30 extra Pokemon, then 4 for every 60, and it goes up and up like that. You can't play if you have too many Pokemon by the way, and you end up having to release them after every level unless you pay a whole bunch of gems just to increase your storage. And since there's over 700 Pokemon, you will have no choice but to pay a whole lot of gems as the game progresses. You want new clothes for your Pomii? Gems. You want to boost your Toy Pokemon's attack, defense, and speed? Either gems or in game coins you earn by knocking out Pokemon or releasing the Pokemon you have."

"Oh, and you know that stupid heart thing from Shuffle? Well here, after you use a balloon to go to a level, you have to wait anywhere between 15 minutes to 1 hour for the balloon to be re-inflated! Or you could just pay gems. Oh, and don't get me started on what has to be the most frustrating part of the whole game!"

Button selected a balloon, and four islands appeared with Pokemon on them. One island had Latias on it, with three red stars.

"Each balloon has between 3 and 5 levels to it. When an island has stars on it, that means you can fight and possibly catch rare Pokemon, like Latias over there. So, you'd think I'd just select the level with Latias on it, right? Well, no, I can't. Because level selection works on a roulette system."

Button face hoofed and groaned, "What were they thinking?"

"So, basically, a light spins around, and you have to just hope that it stops on the level you want. You'd think that you could just hit the stop button right when it goes over the level you want and it should stop there. But it turns out, it only works out like that half the time! So you'll end up either hitting it right on the level only for it to stop too far or too short, or hitting right after or before the level only for it land on the one you hit instead of the one you wanted! I can't figure out how it works, it makes me feel like an idiot!"

Button frowned and said, "But guess what. Guess how you can make it stop on the one you want. Come on, guess!"

Button paid two gems and was able to select the three stared level with Latias.

"That's right, gems. Which means it'll take longer to get enough to get more level balloons, meaning you'll be playing the same couple of stages for a long time!"

Button looked up from the game and said, "Okay, so, is there anything good about this game? Well . . . the 3D works!"

Button turned on the 3D.

"Yeah, that's nice. It actually looks pretty good too. There's also those Pomiis that you can get a steady stream of free gems from. Maybe around 10 gems a week. Maybe more if you have a lot of friends who play the game, but if you ask me, true friends don't let friends play this awful game! And even the Pomiis themselves are stupid!"

Button went into a level and saw a Pomii being attacked by Toy Pokemon.

"You defeat the Pokemon that are attacking a Pomii, and the Pomii will give you a gem or coins as a reward. The Pomii will also follow you around and toss you health potions, X attacks, X defenses, or X speeds. They're really helpful, sure, but the Pomiis' AI has got to be the dumbest AI I've ever experienced in a video game. The Pomiis never run away from attacking Pokemon, they are always in the path of an attack, and they are just so annoying! In the levels, I just let them die, because I can get along fine without the bonus items. But when the king gives you a mission where you have to protect the Pomii, it's gotta be the most frustrating thing since Doctor and Derpy's Excellent Adventure on the NES."

Button was controlling a Durant through a level where he had to protect his Pomii of himself. The Button Pomii kept getting hit by enemy attacks, but kept following the Durant into danger.

"No, no, no! Get out of there! You're gonna get killed!" Button shouted in frustration.

The Button Pomii finally lost all of his health, causing the mission to end in failure.

"DENKALITH!" Button shouted before rage quitting and turning off the 3DS, "These games are pure evil! The only way to enjoy these games is to keep putting money in them! It's like playing a game in a video arcade where you have to keep putting bits into the machine. The only difference is that those games would be cheaper than these two Cornish Pixie Puss filled Pokemon Games! These foul flaming free-to-play piles of pounded, puke flavored Pokeblock! Nintendo needs to learn some lessons from Wizard 101 and Warframe. If you're going to give out a game for free, that make it so that your loyal fans can play all they want for free without you draining them dry like a vampire from Castlemania II!"

Button Mash turned his 3DS back on, went into the settings, and erased both Pokemon Shuffle and Pokemon Rumble World.

"Take that!" he said triumphantly before turning the 3DS back off and walking off, finishing off his juice box.

Comments

[Darthdarius117]

I like this story, but im still on a quest to find a Fan fic/art of a ponified version of Angry Joe.

[Riddleja]

Hooray! Hopefully soon we get the Castlemania Saga.

[Changeling-Drone]

I personally love rumble world, I find getting gems to be really easy and I like the mechanics, not to mention there isn't a huge need to increase the pokemon you can have because you can just release the weaker ones

(Love hate relationship with the roulette when I keep landing in an area where I caught every pokemon)

[Godslittleprincess]

So, Pokemon Shuffle is basically Candy Crush with Pokemon.