In the Company of a Black Dog

by est-hal

One: Get Your Bearings

Author's Note:

(Rewritten)

Inspired from a dream I had. Against my better judgment, I put it to print and now here it is for your viewing pleasure! Hopefully.

I've actually been reading a lot of second person stories lately, and decided to give the format a shot myself. Rather curious about how it'll turn out.

One: Get Your Bearings

You awaken with a violent start, jolting up from your prone position on the ground and gasp deeply for air. Save for what vaguely feels like grass and dirt beneath you, your senses are completely darkened, pitch blackness and an overpowering ringing in your ears the only things you can perceive. It was a truly terrible state of being, so close to the void oblivion of actual death. If not for your own ragged breath, you’d believe without a doubt that you were dead.

You continue to breathe.

After several minutes of you panting rather pathetically like a bitch of the canine variety that’s just had a rousing bout, your faculties finally begin to return, slowly but surely as you remain prostrated on your knees and regain awareness of the world around you.

Your ears twitch, oddly, to the sounds of a prodigious wilderness that seemingly surrounded you. You hear the wind rustle the innumerable myriads of leaves of a vast multitude of trees. You hear the chirps, calls, and cries of the birds and various other woodland vermin that lived in them. You hear the damnable buzzing of the vulturine insects that mistook your unconscious form for a corpse, apparently still waiting around to see if you would still yet keel over and gift them with a lavish feast of your fresh carcass. Feh.

You begin to feel as well, the touch of your environment reaching through to you unhindered as your numbness starts fading. You feel the chill produced by the motion of the gently blowing breeze. You feel the musty air settle over you once the breeze is gone, itself like a sticky, irksome film that covered you entirely. You feel the rough and grimy texture of the bare ground you sat upon, its sensation more than slightly unpleasant and raising concerns in your mind over the continued state of your personal hygiene.

You keep breathing.

At last, your sight rejoins your other recovered senses, relieving you of the very worrying possibility of permanent blindness. What little light reaching your pupils was made tenfold in strength by its stark contrast with the previous darkness that dominated your vision. You wince and blink rapidly, trying to flush its discomforting presence and coax some focus back into your eyes.

You are soon able to fully behold the world in its entirety, green and brown hues the first colors you see as you gaze upon the patchwork arrangement of the topsoil underneath you. Lifting up your head, you glance about and are confirmed of your suspicions. You were indeed in a forest, and a rather dark and feral looking one at that.

Countless trees of foreboding shapes, their gnarled and twisted branches and roots coiling around each other and whatever was unfortunate enough to be near them. Lengths and clusters of vines and other overgrowth lazily hanging from the tree branches arching overhead, much like a looming hangman’s noose, with some, disturbingly enough, actually knotted in such a way. The forest ceiling high above you a near-opaque and impenetrable surface, only letting through the scarcest slivers of sunlight while denying the majority of the daytime’s natural illumination.

The wind again blows through the small clearing you found yourself in, making you shudder at its cool touch.

Shakily, you get up off the ground and slowly rise to your feet, your wobbly knees causing you to stagger a bit. Taking a deep breath, you dust off your hands and run them down your face as you exhale, taking great care to not poke yourself in the eyes with your own claws, an incredibly embarrassing mishap that would have been.

… Claws?

Those were digits not at all associated with the human anatomy if you remembered correctly. Holding up your supposed “hands” in front of your face, you give them a good, hard look, taking note of their markedly nonhuman nature.

Your right hand was indeed a lion’s paw, furred and with a velvety paw concealing an assuredly nasty payload of claws, while your left hand was in fact an array of talons belonging to an eagle, or perhaps a falcon’s or hawk’s, though most certainly some manner of a predatory bird, its yellow surface rough to the touch and bearing razor-sharp avian ungues.

This was quite baffling to you, as you distinctly remember being human and without such remarkable features as these. To wake up with these very animal pieces in place of your usual human appendages was rather… disconcerting, to say the least. You drop your new limbs to your sides, your brain drawing a total blank regarding this utterly alien situation, all mental processes you dedicate to trying to make sense of it only returning a resounding “?.”

…

A thought suddenly occurs to you. Quickly glancing about, you spot a tiny pond just beyond a line of trees. You make your way over to it and get down on your knees before looking at your reflection in the water. Looking back at you was the goat-like face of a cartoonish Baphomet.

It was at that moment you realized how embarrassingly shrill your voice could be, as well as loud. The many miles radius of spooked wildlife could attest to that.

----

Twilight Sparkle could only gawk at the present state of affairs, her mouth agape and her expression equal parts dumbfounded and horrified. Before her was a pile of broken statuary, bits and pieces of what was once Discord’s prison. That he had somehow escaped from his stone imprisonment and was now on the loose was quite a frightening proposition to her, her feelings shared by all others present as indicated by their also equal parts dumbfounded and horrified expressions.

Her longtime mentor in magic and general life lessons of an annoyingly abstract and vague nature, the good and wise Princess Celestia, had brought Discord’s petrified form along with the Elements of Harmony with the hope that the heroines would be able to “reform” him and turn the draconequus towards good rather than evil, as Her Majesty put it, stating that she had use for his powerful magic. Despite much chagrin and doubt on their part, the six mares agreed to their Princess’s plan and donned their respective Elements.

The goal of reforming the mad god went out the window when they activated their Elements to release him, only to find a hastily scribbled note in place of the charismatic chimera, stating that he had gone off on vacation and left someone in his place as his “interim substitute Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony.”

And so the lavender unicorn found herself staring at the stone fragments strewn about the ground while her jaw acquainted itself with the ground, her fellow Elements, the Princess, and the Royal Guards following her example.

Another moment of stunned silence passed before Princess Celestia very loudly dispelled the quiet that had come over all of them. “Went on vacation!?” she suddenly exclaimed with an incredulous tone, the full power of her long-unused “Royal Canterlot Voice” coming back without even a minute hint of atrophy.

The sheer volume and abruptness of the traditional speaking voice quickly brought all present out of their reverie. The pegasi Guardsponies snapped to attention as their wings involuntarily deployed themselves from being so startled, the Bearers of the Elements merely jumping in surprise.

Gathering her wits and burying her great astonishment at the Princess’ outburst, Twilight turned towards Her Highness and nodded. “Y-yes, Princess. That’s what it says.” she confirmed to her teacher.

The Princess only stared at her dumbly with jaw hanging for a brief second before shaking her head and regaining her clarity of mind. Taking a deep breath to calm herself lest she scare her little ponies further, the alicorn sovereign quickly decided on a course of action.

Addressing her faithful student and her friends, she informed them of what she intended. “Twilight, Discord’s disappearance and his supposed ‘interim substitute Spirit of Chaos’ represent a serious threat to all of Equestria. No doubt this is part of some new scheme of his. Therefore, it is of upmost importance that we discover where Discord has gone off to and who and where his replacement is. I shall see to the former. In the meantime, I’d like you and your friends to keep an eye out for any strange occurrences. Most likely it’ll be the work of our new ‘Discord.’” Celestia instructed them.

“You can count on us, Princess!” Twilight declared with a firm nod, the others giving their own confident affirmatives. They all kneeled down on bended foreleg as their ruler approached Twilight and touched with her horn both shoulders, granting them her official sanction for their mission.

With great faith that they would again prevail against Discord’s twisted machinations, Princess Celestia wished the six friends luck on their latest quest together. “Good luck, ponies! Once more, the fate of Equestria is in your hooves.”

Leaving them with much heartfelt encouragement, the Princess departed on her royal chariot with her guards back to Canterlot, leaving the Elements of Harmony to work out their own battle plan.

“So, Twi’, any idea how we’re gunna’ find Discord’s replacement? They could be anywhere fer’ all we know!” Applejack asked, raring to get to their duty.

Twilight put a hoof to her chin, giving a thoughtful hum. “Hmm… I’m not sure, but I’d like to see if there’s anything in my books that might-“

She was interrupted midsentence and Rainbow Dash mid-exasperated roll of her eyes at her egghead friend’s characteristic lapse into her ingrained erudite tendencies by a piercing scream emitted from the depths of the Everfree Forest, shrill and wretched, and also very loud. Along with it was a surge of raw magical energy, almost a “detonation” of sorts that was felt by all, but Twilight especially, with her affinity for magic.

Nary a sound was emitted from any of the ponies, not even a frightened peep from Fluttershy, total shock and awe overcoming them all at the event.

Then, Rainbow broke the silence with a partially rhetorical question. “What… the HAY… was that?” she said with a peculiar staccato.

“Sounded like sumthin’ screamin’, but nothin’ ah’ve ever heard. Also, anypony else feel that?” Applejack asked all around with significant unease, the normally robust farmpony shaken by the seemingly otherworldly wail.

Rarity nodded her head in agreement with her more uncouth friend. “Indeed. It sounded like a banshee’s scream or something equally as dreadful and frightening. And I certainly did feel that! I don’t think I’ve ever felt such powerful magic before! … Except for…” she gasped, her hoof shooting up to her mouth as she realized the implications of her unfinished sentence.

They all looked at one another as realization dawned on them. “You don’t think…” Rainbow began, earning a nod from Twilight.

“I do. It came from the direction of the Everfree Forest.” Twilight noted, glancing in the direction of the notorious woodlands that wasn’t terribly far off from where they were. She paused for a moment, shifting her gaze downwards as she considered something. Deep in thought, she soon emerged from it and turned a set expression towards the others, decided.

“I have a hunch it has something to do with Discord, or better yet, his replacement. The ambient magic of the forest would be just perfect for chaotic spirits like them. I say we head there now and find out where that surge of magic came from!” she proposed, earning a variety of reactions.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash shared a look of fiery determination, confident grins and an overall cocksure demeanor to them.

Fluttershy and Rarity, on the other hoof, did not share the tomboys’ enthusiasm, both of them cringing with noticeable discomfort, Rarity for reason of finding any untamed wilderness utterly repulsive and the Everfree a particularly filthy example of such, while for Fluttershy the prospect of venturing into the forest was one that always badly unnerved her, this time no different.

Pinkie Pie was merely hopping up and down with barely contained glee, thrilled at what she considered to be another exciting adventure with her very best friends.

“Sounds like a plan, sugarcube!”

“Aww, yeah! Let’s do it!”

“Uggh! If we must.”

A frightened squeak.

“OOOOOOHH! I’m so nervous-cited!”

Applejack gave Pinkie a funny look. “You… do realize that’s not a real word, right?”

----

You were at present flat on your back, quite winded at the moment. After having discovered the maximum capacity of your new lungs, you promptly engaged in a lengthy and violent coughing fit, hacking and wheezing away until your body finally gave out from fatigue and buckled, yourself sprawling onto the ground in a most ungraceful manner.

Lying completely still after a few more ragged breaths, you stare up at whatever sky you could glimpse through the forest’s canopy, wondering just what on God’s Good Green Earth was going on.

The last thing you remember was ducking out of a particularly dull and boring “official engagement,” a reception party to those less pretentious as yourself, with a gaggle of particularly dull and boring politicians, bureaucrats, and staffers, hiding away in the men’s restroom for a quick micro-nap and swig of your trusty flask that totally isn’t filled with cheap whisky before you could face those people again.

Speaking of which…

You clamber to your new not-quite feet, wobbling a bit as you weren’t used to balancing on a goat’s hind leg and the clawed rear leg of some manner of large, possibly fire-breathing reptilian because you refuse to say the word dragon, nonsensical and ridiculous fairytale that such a notion was and because it reminded you too much of those dirty Chinese commies that owned the mortgage to your house.

Feeling around the interior of your suit jacket that you were apparently still wearing, you find what you desire in the form of a small aluminum flask sporting a brilliant gold finish and a stylized pair of dice etched onto its metallic surface, giving it some decorative measure and declaring to all who beheld it of its humble origin as a tacky Freemont Street souvenir. Giving it a firm shake, you’re pleasantly surprised to hear a liquid sloshing around inside. Unscrewing the cap, you bring the flask up to your new goat lips and take a good, long sip of the bitter-tasting liquid inside, savoring its slightly burning sensation, courtesy of its concentrated alcohol content.

… Alright, so it was cheap whisky. Meeting with somewhat hostile UN delegates with whom you share ambivalent feelings about each other was an oh-so-tedious affair, after all.

Wetting your whistle and giving the drink a few seconds to settle in your stomach and take its delightful effect on your cognizance, you put your arms forward in front of yourself with palms raised as if to instruct reality or its complete breakdown, whichever was the case, to cease itself while you took stock of the bizarre and frankly impossible situation you found yourself in.

From your little sleep in the handicap-accessible stall, for you desired the extra leg room, you woke up to find yourself smack-dub in the middle of an unknown and very likely hostile forest as some twisted chimera-like monstrosity, an utterly wretched being comprised of various animal bits and pieces torturously cobbled together in a truly Frankensteinish manner.

Regarding your current locale, the thickly wooded area didn’t seem at all hospitable to someone like yourself, a harsh bush without even a trace of civilization anywhere, not even a dirt path you could get lost on. The chitters, cries, snarls, growls, and howls of the denizen wildlife sounding in stereo from all around you also wasn’t very encouraging.

The distant roar of something that was likely unfriendly made you freeze up, the rage-filled bellow bringing your personal safety and wellbeing to the forefront of your mind. You needed to check something…

Reaching into your jacket, you feel around for something. After some fumbling, you find it still securely holstered. Firmly grasping its grip, you pull it out and examine it closely, admiring the matte black finish before ejecting the magazine so you can verify it. Satisfied, you pop it back in and pull the slide back, chambering a round. Holstering it once more, a small grin dances on your face as you feel the comforting nine millimeter heft nestled against your side. It was certainly better than nothing.

All that fiddling with your personal effects reminds you…

Praise the Lord you’ve neglected your entire life! Not naked! Still had clothes!

An increasingly wrinkled dress shirt and tie, suit jacket, overcoat, and peaked officer’s cap, all inexplicably retailored to fit your new dimensions and elongated measurements and sparing you the discomfort of being totally bare on top of everything else. Your pants were missing, though, forcing you to weather at least partial nudity, and you weren’t even fully inebriated as an excuse. AND your wallet and keys were in your pants pockets, too.

“Goddammit all…” you swear softly to yourself, your voice still a little hoarse from your earlier screaming.

Another animalistic growl, this time not that far off from where you were, brought you back to the pressing matter of being lost in a dark and scary forest, potentially surrounded by a variety of vicious beasts that would no doubt jump at the chance to make you their next meal or possibly queen, the latter being the more horrifying option of the two…

You quickly decide your next course of action to leg it out of this forsaken, oversized clump of tinder before too long, the noble goal of being lost, dazed, and confused in a more pleasant indoor environ with basic amenities the impetus of your plan. You were a fellow of status, after all. Find some high ground, get a feel for the local terrain, get your bearings.

Spotting a tree that didn’t look like a lurking fantasy monster masquerading as one quite as much as the others, you head over to it and begin climbing up it, your increased height making reaching the higher-up branches and other protrusions not a difficult feat. Reaching the top, you hug the tree for balance and not because you were an “environmentalist” (pussy), and poke your head through its leaves, your elongated neck allowing it.

From your new vantage point, you survey the surrounding landscape and find that the forest doesn’t actually go out as far as its interior would suggest, giving way to verdant meadows, rolling hills, and what looked like a quaint medieval hamlet to the northwest. Relieved that there was SOME civilization around here, wherever that was, you begin carefully climbing back down with renewed hope and vigor, glad that you wouldn’t have to relive your outdoor survival training, horrid experience that it was.

----

The clopping of hooves against the ground echoed around them as the six friends and heroines of Equestria trekked through the Everfree, ever vigilant and on guard for whatever dangers may be lurking, concealed by the thick mist and darkness that seemed to permeate the entire forest. Twilight was at the forefront of the group, her horn alight with a purple aura of magic as she tried to detect any unusual magical activity, a sort of magical radar.

“So… who do you suppose Discord’s replacement is? Another draconequus like him?” Rarity asked aloud to none of the others in particular, trying to alleviate the oppressive silence that hanged over them.

Applejack responded with an idle shrug. “Beats me. Ah’d guess so, but ah’ wouldn’t have thought there’d be another one like him around. Ah’ always thought Discord was the only one of his kind.”

“I sure hope so. Like we need ANOTHER Discord running around. He’s enough trouble by himself! Two of them is just… ugh!” Rainbow remarked, punctuating her thought with a distasteful sounding noise to emphasize her comptent for the notion of Discord and company.

“Oh, but guys! What if New Discord or whatevertheirnameis is actually real nice and friendly and just wants to be friends! Maybe they won’t be all horrible and mean and evil like Old Discord and will be our friend and be a good guy and help us protect Equestria from bad guys!” Pinkie Pie rattled off without a single pause for breath. The others seemed less than impressed with the bubbly pink party pony’s idea.

“Ahh… No, Pinkie. No.” Rainbow replied exasperatedly, shaking her head.

“Yeeeaahh… No offense, Pinkie Pie, but ah’ just don’t see that as likely.” Applejack said, raising a disbelieving eyebrow at her fellow earth pony.

“I’m afraid I have to agree. This is Discord we’re talking about! Who tricked us all into becoming the opposite of our true selves and nearly plunged all of Equestria into eternal chaos? I sincerely doubt his chosen successor would be a far shot from himself.” Rarity concurred with her more level-headed friends.

“That’s right. Discord’s all about spreading chaos and disharmony, and would no doubt want his replacement to do the same. That’s why we’ve got to find and catch them before they can turn all of Equestria upside down again, probably literally.” Twilight said without look back at Pinkie, keeping her eyes forward as she swiveled her head around, specifically her horn, trying to pinpoint their target’s location.

Pinkie’s suggestion that whoever Discord’s stand-in was might be open to their friendship if offered caused Fluttershy to become downcast, remembering how the Princess had expressed much confidence and faith in her personally to successfully reform the trickster spirit. Reaching out with her friendship was in fact just how she intended to turn him towards good, to “kill him with kindness,” though she preferred a less violent figure of speech. She honestly believed that the “magic of friendship” would be enough to sway Discord to their and the Princess’s way of seeing things of being less whimsy-driven, more socially responsible, and generally not be a complete d-… not-nice person.

The butter yellow pegasus shook away her lingering thoughts of what could have been and focused back on the matter at hoof; that she was currently deep within the Everfree Forest, one of the most scary places in all of Equestria, seeking out Discord’s claw-picked replacement of whom they knew nothing about regarding their raw magical abilities, prowess, and their overall disposition and mental stability. A myriad of possibilities about their new embodiment of chaos running through her head, most of them not that positive or hopeful, Fluttershy could only pray that Pinkie was right, that whoever they were would be less of a sadistic nutbar than Discord.

Twilight suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, a surprised gasp emitting from her. Her horn sparked with a bit of magic as she pointed it towards a specific direction. The act having not gone unnoticed by her friends, they pressed her to elaborate.

“What is it, Twi’? Ya’ feel sumthin’? Is it our ‘New Discord?’” Applejack asked while readying her lasso, borrowing Pinkie’s nickname for the object of their hunt.

“Yeah! Are they around? Where are they!? Lemme’ at ‘em!” Rainbow stated with her characteristic bravado, punching the air with her forelegs to illustrate what she intended to do once they had found their mark.

“They are! Not far off, either! Come on, girls! This way!” Twilight answered before galloping off deeper into the woods, her friends taking off after her. Weaving between the trees and ducking under their branches and jumping over their roots, the six mares continued at full speed to wherever Twilight’s horn was leading them, steeling themselves for what was sure to be an epic showdown with what was assuredly an absolutely mad being of chaos and pure malevolence, readying themselves to make the ultimate sacrifice if need be…

Leaping through some foliage into a small clearing, the ponies finally laid eyes on their opponent, fully expecting him to very dramatically introduce himself as Discord’s claw-picked successor and declare how he intended to destroy them utterly and all they held dear and wreak unholy havoc on their world. Alas, their expectations went unfulfilled.

----

“Dammit, dammit, dammit!” you grunt out in frustration as you finally managed to grab your cap from off the tree branch. You mentally scold yourself for hastily jumping down off the tree as you did. You could have fallen and seriously hurt yourself! Get your hoofed goat leg caught in some vines and wind up hanging upside down from a branch in complete helplessness and vulnerability until you could untangle yourself and land headfirst on a sharp rock, arduous task that would have been. Or indeed your cap getting caught by its brim on a branch on your way down and having to spend a good deal of time and effort trying to retrieve it, also a rather arduous task.

Just as you were about to place it back atop your head, or rather just behind your hideously asymmetrical horns, the damnable things, you spy a rolled up piece of parchment tucked away inside its inner folds. Wondering how you didn’t notice it earlier while you were wearing it along with your hat and more than a little curious about its content, if any, you pluck it from your hat and unfurl it, desperately hoping as you began reading that it wasn’t a messily scribbled note to yourself written while drunk about some unimportant and inane matter like who among the janitorial staff kept stealing the expensive crystal drinking glasses from your office at Nellis. That would’ve been a very depressing indictment of how extraordinarily passive-aggressive you could be, even when completely blasted off your feet.

’Congratulations! It’s your lucky day!
So suck it up and don’t dismay!

Tired and weary, I’ve gone on vacay’,
Perhaps to Mars, perhaps Bombay!

But irresponsible to leave not one in my stead,
So I’ve chosen you for some chaos to spread!

My powers, so powerful, are yours to command,
Do whatever you want without reprimand!

Maybe conjure up some toast, some butter for it, too,
Or perhaps paint a cow entirely blue!

With a snap of your claws, make reality your bitch!
Smack it about and leave it crying in a ditch!

So have some fun, have a good laugh!
Hey! It’s some time away from your general staff!

But one word of warning before you’re off,
So listen well, and try not to scoff

Any equines beware, for they mean you great ill,
Also quite annoying, self-righteous, and shrill.

Turn you to stone, they most certainly would,
All the while claiming that they’re “good.”

Trust not any offerings of “friendship” they bring.
Most certainly a lure for a trap they will spring.

With that in mind, go on! Get to it!
Before I consider you unfit, you sorry half-wit…’

You simply stare at the cryptic message written in a rhyming pentameter or whatever the proper literary term for it that your mother wouldn’t know wither, the neurons in your brain firing furiously to try and make sense of what the explicit-adjective-hell you just read.

Someone jerk off on vacation apparently, you standing in for them for… something, and spreading chaos? A possible euphemism for terrorist activity, in which case you’re conflicted whether to feel offended or annoyed that whoever was asking such a heinous thing of you wasn’t around to discuss a price…

What of the rest of this note? Conjuring breakfast items from the ether and subjecting innocent livestock to potential lead poisoning without even the justification of a herbicidal warfare initiative behind it? What terrifyingly psychopathic nutcase wrote this? And bending the very fabric of reality with a mere snap of your fingers? Now the specter of severe mental illness is rising over this whole affair.

And lastly, a word of caution about false-faced horses that would go all Medusa on you if given the chance…

“What…”

It’s honestly all you could think to say about the bizarre manifesto you currently held in your hand of some incredibly deranged individual that’s perhaps spent a little too much time locked away in a crawlspace with a hardcover copy of Alice in Wonderland and should probably be sectioned and given serious psychiatric help before they hurt themselves.

Suddenly, you inexplicably feel that somewhere out in the vast multiverse, someone just took significant exception to that last notion.

Before you could conjecture more insulting suppositions about the note’s writer, it without warning burst into flames! Without giving off any heat, somehow, in blatant violation of the laws of thermodynamics and leaving you with some nasty burns on your hand. Paw, rather, but did leave a grainy, ashy-colored residue all over, as if you hadn’t come in enough physical contact with all manner of random filth today. Wonderful. The universe seemed to be having a rollicking good time causing you aggravation in the most targeted ways today.

Just as you were about to launch into an obscenity-laden tirade about how awful your day has been so far, particularly about your now dirtied shirt cuff, the sound of someone very audibly clearing their throat with the clear intention of gaining your attention made its way to your ears. Absentmindedly looking up at your petitioner, you find yourself face to face with six equine creatures, likely ponies given their relatively marginal size compared to the terrestrial horses you were familiar with, all of them with coats of a frankly absurd spectrum of color; pink, orange, yellow, blue, and purple. The white one among them would have been somewhat acceptable if not for the styled purple mane it was sporting as well as horn jutting from its skull.

Yes, in addition to being ridiculously colored, the horses possessed some rather salient features that denoted a fantastical nature on their part. The white and purple ones horned, unicorns, you believed, the yellow and blue ones winged, pegasi? If that was the correct plural. And the orange one wearing a cowboy hat in what was a rather stark irony. They were looking at you oddly with astoundingly human-like facial expressions, two with slightly hostile demeanors, two seemingly bemused at you, and two simply staring at you as if they hadn’t decided yet whether they should be confused or offended about you.

It was all too much. Time and spatial displacement not involving abduction and mind-altering drugs, waking up as some horribly mutilated depiction of an Eastern dragon comprised of random bits and pieces from all over the animal kingdom messily stitched together.

Yes, you said dragon, letting your previous distaste for the word fall to the wayside because there was a sextet of pastel-colored unicorns, pegasi, and a pony wearing a goddamned hat standing in front of you, so what the hell did you know?

As all your understanding and rational thought flew out the metaphorical window to the tune of “When It’s Over” by Sugar Ray, you decide that you had only one recourse…

Laugh.

Laugh like an absolute madman.

Indeed, you begin laughing, beginning with the slightest snicker to a low chortle to a growing chuckle to an increasingly uncontrolled giggle until you’re caught in a full-blown hysteria, laughing with such force and without a single pause for breath that you risked serious oxygen deprivation to your brain.

But you continue laughing regardless, because why not? Either you or the universe had gone completely butt-fuck nuts, transmogrifying you into what could only be described as the escaped test subject of an ill-conceived genetics experiment gone horribly wrong, or the Fort Detrick’s garrison’s softball team’s mascot, and depositing you into some manner of fantasy setting populated by mythical creatures of the most ludicrous coloration and presumably there was also a princess and they had a castle and there was a snarky dragon of diminutive stature somewhere that would make smartass remarks about your hat because why not?

So you simply laugh yourself to tears while enjoying the spectacle of the bunch of unicorns and pegasi and a pony wearing a hat looking at you incredulously. It was certainly more interesting than that godawful reception party.

Comments

[Blazing Shadow]

i am loving this, fav'ed. is this gonna take the dark turn and make him become the "enemy that must be hunted down, treated like a monster and murdered for the sake of good?"