Revelation Part 1: The Temple (Multiples Editors)
"My thanks, Preator, tell the Prelate and his Dark Templars to be ready for the ambush, however I do not want blood shed. Capture them and bring them to the Palace's Prison, I want to talk with them, soon."
"Yes, Executor. Based in Shalai's recovered information, they are an archeologist group, it would seem that their leader is using one of the ancient relics as a crown... Do you think it is time?"
There was silence
"Executor?"
"... Bring the Council, the Judicators and Preator Solam... Yes, it is time, old friend."
***
"Alright, Lucky Bone, Rainbow Dash, Strident Spear; you all are coming with me. Are you sure you don't to come Dr. Discovery?" Asked Twilight, her small group ready to go. Old Discovery and the rest of the Archeological team decided to stay, along with the other two guards. Fluttershy decided to stay too for two reasons; 1: Fear of the darkness, and 2: in case of that panther might return.
"No thanks Your Highness, these markings are to be studied and then sent to Canterlot's Starswirl Institute before going to Manehattan's Hoofbrand University to decipher them, it'll be a honor if you share your discovery when you return" Twilight nodded but there was something bugging her. Rainbow Dash always wanted action, but being inside of a temple wasn't exactly exciting.
"Rainbow, I have a question for you. Why you want to be with us? This is a archeological research, not something from Daring Do's Books."
"Non-sense Twilight, this is an ancient temple, there are always traps, cultists or even great treasure waiting for us to take it!" replied the cyan pegasus. Twilight rolled her eyes thinking that it would be beneficial to bring her with them, she could need some muscles and Rainbow, for being more athletic, would do nicely.
"Alright if you insist, just don't complain about it being boring." she shifted her gaze to Lucky Bone, whom was eager to enter to the temple.
"You're ready, Miss Bone?"Lucky glanced at Twilight as she nodded in answer.
"Alright, we're off, we'll back in a hour. Spike, you stay with Rarity and Fluttershy, be sure to be there with everything they need" Spike saluted, before Twilight and her team walked toward the temple, leaving the rest of the group outside.
Fluttershy was wondering about the odd feline that was on the entrance few minutes ago, she was a beautiful big cat, with a odd color of fur but was majestic. Unfortunately she couldn't understand how she could use magic, specially advanced magic such as teleportation. Most unicorns, that aren't like Twilight, take days, weeks or even months to master it yet a cat just used the ability twice.
Rarity was offering her talents in finding buried artifacts and ruined runes while Spike dug for her without thinking twice. The guards patrols the perimeters while archaeologist do their works, their orders are to protect them until a new squad of guards arrive along with more archaeologists, but something was... off... It was too silent, there weren't even birds chirping arround.
"Hey, Red Wall, have you wondered why we are here, with these archaeologist?" the pegasus guard, Iron Feather, asked to his Earth Pony partner, a robust earth pony guard. The pegasus recieved a nasty glare from him.
"We are here by order of Princess Celestia and Princess Sparkle herself is leading this expedition, have you already forgot that?"
"Oh, Sorry..."
"Sorry? that's all that you can say?!"
"Just forget it, alright?"
the two guards resumed their guard, unaware of the five pairs of glowing green and purple eyes, observing them, waiting for the right moment ...
***
Darkness... Overwhelming.
Since all her vision was dominated by darkness, it was a good thing that Twilight hadn't a fear of the darkness or she would be like Fluttershy, scared of her own shadow, they walked, deeper in the cave's depths, a new sound fills their ears, weak but still there. it was water.
A waterfall
"What the hay, a waterfall?" exclaimed Rainbow Dash
"Not a waterfall, but spouts, we must be near to the Main Sanctum."
They continued trotting to their destination, the darkness was getting annoying, they reached to the their destination, the inner sanctum, the sound of water falling filling their ears yet they still couldn't see anything.
"I think I could be more useful on this." Lucky Bone's horn glowed, not to cast a spell, but to illuminate part of the place. A statue, or rather, a destroyed statue, stood in the center of the chamber, only the legs remains of the once glorious statue, the debris and such scattered around it.
"Twilight, this doesn't looks like a sanctum or anything similar..." commented Rainbow Dash
"Whatever it is... these ruins aren't a product of time; this statue was destroyed by force..." pointed out Twilight, indicating the fragments scattered around them.
"What do you mean; magic?" Asked Lucky Bone.
"I don't know but the bricks that used to make up this statue... don't seem like normal rocks or stones... enchanted perhaps?"
"What? They're just rocks!" Rainbow grabbed a piece of the debris and threw it, watching as it fell into the water, gained the shocked glares of Lucky and Twilight.
"Rainbow! What have you done?!" cried Twilight
"What?! it's just rocks Twilight, its nothing but a bunch of ruins!" this gained the irritated stare of Twilight and Lucky.
"Ruins that we like to try to study, in order to find out more about the creators of the Elements of Harmony. Rainbow, aren't you at all curious about where your Element come from or how it's works?!"
"Geez, Twilight, calm down, we just entered. Can't you just illuminate this place, no offence Lucky." Lucky just nodded, understanding what she meant. While her special talent is finding things using her magic as a flashlight, Twilight is an alicorn and before that, she was the most talented unicorn in all Equestria when it came to magic.
"Fine, but don't do that again." Twilight's horns glow and shot a ball of pure light, illuminating the entire chamber but faintly.
"I retract when I said this isn't a sanctum, this place is huge!"
"And there is more to see, that hallway probably leads to the main altar..." they all nodded, the guard just followed them and went into the hallway, getting deeper in the strange temple, Rainbow was more bored than ever, Twilight was right afterall, it wasn't like Daring Do's latest book: "Daring Do and The Voice of the Darkness". Surprisely, the villian was like Nightmare Moon, the author confirmed that they had used the 'Mare of the Moon's Legend for the character. and the book started in a temple, like this one. no traps or aggresives natives, it was easy until a locust menace called The Zer-
"Look!"
Rainbow Dash's thoughts were interruped when Lucky Bone spotted a strange blue light at the end of the tunnel, they rushed towards it.
Upon reaching the it, the light gave way to a sight that was completely unexpected, amazing and scary at the same time...
It was a large gold rimmed banner floating in the middle of a pit, held aloft by a large metal object from which the blue light originated from.
"Now that's creepy. There's no way a banner, or any object, could float without any form of magic..." said the guard. Twilight was fascinated and somewhat scared. However, sh e frowned upon hearing her escort's comment, but he was right, there weren't any spells that could sustainably hold objects in the air without a unicorn present to refuel it, only special enchantements and runes charged with unicorn or alicorn magic could hold objects in the air but the magic would be maintained for an hour or so before fading, it was essentially useless for anything other then minor tricks or convenience
This was different, however. She couldn't sense the magic on it at all, not even with a spell! she start to take notes in the dark
While observing it she notice the same glowing orb that the odd feline had on it's necklace was present on the metal object holding the banner. Most probably the feline's necklace and this banner have something in common. She used her magic to grab the banner but failed, for some reason she couldn't understand, the banner either repelling her magic or outright negating it.
"T-This can't be good..."ucky Bone tried to do the same only to fail aswell, her magic was repelled by sort of anti-magic field that surrounded it, not even the guard could effect it, she requested the help of Rainbow to bring it down. she did so without any sort of problem, strengthening a theory that Lucky Bone suggested; Anti-magic talismans. This coincided with Twilight's own Theory; enchanted talismans. Unfortunately this would mean the relic would be charged with magic but that would contradict the lack of feeling of magic around them. For further study, the brown mare kept the banner to show it to the rest of the team upon returning.
Continuing their trek inward, they started to talk among themselves, all except the guard
"So, Lucky Bone, wha kind of discoveries do you think we might find down here?" The purple alicorn asked, unable to contain her awe and nervousness at being in the ruins
"I believe some kind of altar or more of these crystals, we could use some of them for research." was the reply
"Maybe, we could learn much with these crystals, could prove useful in Equestria's Security. but... there is something that is worrying me."
"Wow, Twilight getting scared? the temple is getting you?" smirked Rainbow dash, walking too as she couldn't fly very well in the dark.
"Incredible as it may be, yes, first the panther and now the floating banner. The Panther used a very complex form of teleportation but I didn't feel magic being used, Still, she used it twice right in front of us. The floating banner is the thing that got even more uneasy, it's been floating over a pit for possibly thousands of years and magic seems to be useless upon contact. This was what Starswirl mentioned. Complex but powerful magic, this people, the Protoss are both amazing and scary."
"But they don't seem scary now, this temple is nothing more but ruins as Miss Dash said early."
"I... Wouldn't count on that." She stopped, her small team stopped as well looking at twilight strangely.
"As Fluttershy said, the panther is tamed, the necklace on her neck is the proof of that."
"that's debatable, your highness, Fluttershy could be just speculating-" Twilight shook her head at Lucky's response.
"I know Fluttershy, Miss Bone, her special talent allow her to talk with the animals, she can understand them and they to her, if she say that the panther is tamed, is enough to say that somepony must be living here or ..."
"Or what, Princess?"
"... or someTHING is."
***
"Hey Red! I think I heard- Ugh!" Iron Feather's sentence was cut off when something grabbed his neck tightly and threw him to the ground, suprising the archelogists and the elements bearers (plus the dragon.)
The guard was down for the count
"Iron!" before Red Wall could react, that grabbed the other guard grabbed his tail and mane, lifting off the ground ramming him into a thick tree, leaving him unconscious. Another guard was down
"What's going on? - Augh!" one of the archoelogist was kicked on the head, another's punched repeatedly. The unicorns fired their magic as beams, but hit nothing. They eventually got punched and knocked down, leaving them almost all unconscious
Rarity screamed and Fluttershy was frightened to the very core. Some ponies wanted to escape or fly away, but they got blocked by something invisible, like a forcefield. Rarity shot her own magic blindly, wanting to hit something, but it was futile. Fluttershy was so scared that she didn't anything but tremble in fear.
"Don't worry, Rarity I'll-" the baby dragon didn't finish, falling to the ground, unconscious. "Spike!" shouted Rarity.
"Show yourselves rufians!" She shouted defiantly. she shot more magic beams until one of them bounced off something. Rarity brightened but her expression quickly faded as something grabbed her mane and lifted her off the ground, making her scream in fear and pain, Fluttershy too. The same force grabbed her mane and a wing tightly. The defenseless mares bucked and kicked in an attempt to liberate themselves. With a loud THUD, Fluttershy's kick managed to hit something.
It begun to appear in front of her.
Slowy, a ghostly image of a grey bipedal being appeared. It was mostly covered with rags, two glowing purple eyes and a bracelet that was formed from somekind of purple blade made of energy. Quickly more of then appears, some with less clothes others covered with mostly bones... and then another in front of Rarity.
It was big, with an armor made only with bones of unknown creatures, it hadn't a bracelet-blade, but a scythe and instead of purple energy, the weapon had green energy emanating from it, the clothing that had covered the mouth falls revealing something... shocking to her.
It had no mouth...
"Y-you are a..a... " She fainted before she could complete, same happening with Fluttershy...
***
"Guys, Look!" Rainbow Dash pointed to the end of the tunnel, which, like the banner's light, was glowing with blue light but with more strength they rushed in, entering to a new chamber... it has markings, runes and crystals... all glowing in cy an color. A completely illuminated room.
it was amazing, incredibly amazing. Not only the room was filled with these crystals but they also floated by themselves in some columns, runes beneath them making a pattern. There was even a protoss statue, intact! Twilight was awestruck, taking notes and examinating each column and runes, Lucky Bone and the guard took a good look of the statue, its eyes glowed cyan too.
Rainbow Dash found...
"Guys?"
"Can you believe this? Runes, inscriptions and even more of these crystals! an gold mine of knowledge!" Excliamed Twilight.
"And a intact protoss statue! We could learn more of them in physics term, oh so many theories for them!" Exclaimed Lucky Bone.
"Guys...?"
"No only that, look! Energy based crystals! Imagine equestria with many of these! No more expensive electricity and no more candles!"
"GUYS!"
"What Rainbow Dash?" both over excited mares stopped their trance of possibilities to look up, annoyed by Rainbow's call. she only extended her hoof pointed at what looks like an Altar.
"Look in that...." their eyes followed rainbow's hoof and saw something even more... shocking
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This story's getting better and why did you mention the Zerg in one of Daring Doo's books
3337641 I didn't mentioned the zerg
yet...
Then why in chapter two in some book dash read it said Daring Doo was running from the Zerg answer me that
3338101 She was thinking in "the Zerlunnian" a Lesser Changeling Hive that Worshiped the Voice of the Darkness
and hasn't nothing to do in this story 
Oh
I'm curious as to why this version is unedited...
-Powers
3341391 what do you mean?
3341595
All the mistakes I corrected are still there.
And I corrected ALL of them, believe me. It took me 2 nights (not counting the night you sent it to me).
-Powers
3345750 then making a chapter from various editors is a bad idea. I'm sorry if I wasted your time
3346097
I think the point of having multiple editors is to have one correct it, then pass it on to the next, then to the next etc. until everyone has had a chance to look at it. Then it is sent to the author, who does the final checks and makes sure that the plot wasn't changed. If you have pre-readers, send the chapter to them and see how they feel, make some changes, then finally, publish the chapter.
-Powers
Looks good but could use improvement, I would have thought the heading would be "The Beholders" but oh well.
You must constructaditional Pylons
your pictures dont seem to be working just thought i would let you know.