The Case of Christian's Cutie Mark

by Chris-Cross13

Blank Flank

Twilight and Spike are busy tidying up Golden Oaks after a recent busy rush in of klutzy customers. While Twilight enjoyed all into her library, it was rather annoying if said ponies made a mess of the place and don't bother to help clean up. Twilight levitates a few dictionaries up onto a high shelf as Spike carries a few smaller books up onto a table in the corner of the room. Suddenly, the front door flies open as Rainbow Dash swoops in from out of nowhere. She starts flying around in circles above Twilight and Spike's heads in excitement.

"Twilight! Did the new Daring Do come yet?!" She screams impatiently. Twilight rolls her eyes, annoyed once again by the common question.

"Dash, i've told you fifteen times now! It doesn't come out until next week!" Dash stomps a hoof in disappointment. She forgot about the due date of the book AGAIN!

"Aww, i'm sorry Twi. It's just...I've been waiting for this issue for months!" Twilight and Spike look at each other and roll their eyes simultaneously.

"Dash, you've got to learn that patience is a virtue. Asking for something you want everyday even though you know it's not coming won't make it arrive faster." Twilight says as she starts arranging some history books on a shelf alphabetically. Dash's jaw drops at what he friend just said. Twilight takes no notice.

"Patience?! Twilight, i'm the fastest pegasus in Equestria! I have no time to wait around! I always have to be moving!" Dash boasts as she starts flying upside down back and forth across the room. Twilight shakes her head, turning to smile at her friend's massive ego.

"It doesn't matter Dash, everyone needs a little patience, fast or slow. You can't just..." Twilight becomes interrupted by a loud crash as her door flies open. The two mares and small dragon turn quickly to the front door to see a earth stallion rush in and quickly push the door behind him frantically. The stallion in question is Christian, panting from exhaustion from running all the way to Golden Oaks, slides down the door and wipes the sweat from his forehead. Twilight and Dash gasp at his current condition. Christian's body is covered in dust and dirt, which made his tan coat an even darker clay color like pottery. His blonde mane and tail also look tarnished and messy. The mares quickly jump into action.

"Christian?! What happened, and where is your necklace?" Twilight asks as she kneels down to his level. Christian puts a hoof up for a second to get more air into his lungs.

"Can't talk...Too tired..." Twilight looks to Spike.

"Spike, get him some water. Quickly!" Spike complies and rushes out of the room. Dash swiftly starts fanning Christian with her wings. Christian lets his tongue hang out and flap in the cool breeze happily. Spike quickly returns holding a glass of water. Twilight hovers the cool liquid to her tired friend, who quickly gulps it down in less than five seconds. He sighs in relief.

"Thanks you three, I needed that." He gives the glass back to Spike, who returns to the kitchen. Dash slows her fanning and goes to trot away. The stallion growls and points a hoof at her. "I never said stop!" Dash turns and glares at him before she starts fanning him again disgruntledly. Christian happily puts his forehooves behind him and indulges in the breeze again, closing his eyes to relax. Twilight taps him on the shoulder, making Christian open an eye toward her.

"Uhh, can you tell us what's going on now?"

"Oh right, sorry!" Christian gets up into a sitting position to explain himself. "Well, it all started at the castle a few minutes ago. Celestia had called me in for something very urgent." Christian flashes back to when he was in Canterlot Castle. He was standing before his boss as usual to get a de-briefing. He remembers exactly what Celestia said and the corresponding events before he ran to Golden Oaks:

------

"Christian, the reason I called you here so early was because something...unusual has come up."

"What do you mean 'unusual'?" Christian asks concerned. Celestia sighs.

"Citizens of Ponyville have reported a strange cloaked pony wondering around the outskirts of the town."

"Alright, big deal. It's probably another zebra, you know how some of the citizens overreact to everything." Christian says while rolling his eyes. He hated false alarms, it was always just an outsider who looked suspicious or a pony with a raincoat on.

"That's not all Christian." Christian's eyes grow with shock.

"What do you mean?" He responds in distress.

"This particular pony has been seen surrounded by an unusual type of dark aura. A black magic aura." Celestia finishes. Christian thinks for a second about this. He didn't know of any unicorns who used black magic. Unless...

"You think it might be Trixie?" Christian asks. Celestia taps her chin in uncertainty.

"I cannot say for sure. That is why I need you to do a bit of undercover work."

"Come again?"

"Trixie has never seen you as a pony before, she thinks you're just human. We will use that to our advantage. I want you to go about your day as a normal citizen in Ponyville and find out if this 'dark aura' does indeed belong to Trixie. I doubt it though, I don't know how she would have been able to learn such powerful magic." Christian shrugs.

"I'm thinking Paradox, but there's no way." He says doubtfully. "Alright here;" Christian removes his necklace from his neck as Celestia envelops it in a white glow. She places the golden pick gently on her throne's arm rest just as the light subsides on Christian as he transforms into his pony self. Christian smiles and salutes Celestia. "You can count on me PC! I'll find out who this pony is!" Christian runs outside the castle and closes the door. Celestia laughs and eyes the glittering gold pick under her hoof. She gasps as the front door opens to show Christian pop into the castle. "Uhh, can I get a lift to town?"

------

"Well that explains why you're in your pony form!" Spike interrupts as he walks back from the kitchen.

"Trixie working with Paradox? It would explain her disappearance from the dungeon." Twilight points out. Dash, who was still fanning Christian, starts stomping her hoof in aggravation.

"Can we please just continue with the story?! I wanna know why you ran in here looking like a train wreck!"

"Patience Dash, Jeez." Christian puts a hoof up to silence her. "Twilight was right," He thought to himself. "The mare needs to learn to wait for something." Dash grunts and continues her fanning. "Anyway, the moment I was teleported to town, things started to get...heated."

------

"Alright, i'm here. Now it's time for a little look around." Christian says to himself as he starts wondering around town square. The small town was already full of ponies going to and fro all over the place. Celestia was right, he fit right in with the normal crowd. Christian sneered at the thought. "It's like i'm just a normal pony around here! I bet nopony knows that I'M their ambassador! This works better than I thought!" He said to himself happily as he starts trotting down the market, hooves galloping across the ground.

At least he thought it would be that easy. Unbeknownst to the carefree stallion, there was one thing that made him completely different in Ponyville. Some so small, yet so important...And three stallions were about to make that difference very apparent. Christian continues his carefree stroll down the road when suddenly, he gets a chill up his spine. He freezes in his tracks at the sensation. He looks around to see everypony giving him weird looks, like he was an alien, but not in the good way. He starts getting nervous as he starts hearing whispers among the citizens. Suddenly, Christian starts comprehending the situation and starts looking out toward the outskirts of town.

"The townsfolk must be seeing the pony!" He thought to himself. But to his astonishment, he doesn't see a hooded pony shrouded in darkness lingering around the horizon.

"The buck? If the hooded pony isn't here, then what the hay is going on here?" He says to himself.

"I dunno! Maybe you should take a good look in the mirror blank flank!" A voice from above him yells. Christian becomes confused on a few levels.

"Alright, who said that and what do you mean 'blank flank'?!" The tan pony yells. His scream is answered in the form of three pegasi that land in front of him, all laughing to each other. As they howl from an unknown cause, Christian's mind kicks into overdrive. "All right, who are these guys?" He thinks to himself as he starts evaluating the group. "Okay, I've never seen another pegasus around here besides Dash, so they must be from Cloudsdale or at least close to it." He then eyes their attire and scrunches his face in confusion. "What's with the lab coats? They don't look like they would have a degree in anything." Christian quickly shakes his head a bit.

"Focus Christian! Lab coats aren't important right now, for all you know, they could be geniuses!" He shouts to himself inside his head. "What about each one individually?" He then starts to eye each individual pegasi. He first takes note of the pegasi in front, presumably the leader of the group. "Alright, the one in front is a dark brown and...is that white hair? Maybe creamish? Whatever. He kinda reminds me of Mike. He looks all tough and he does have a dumb bell on his side." He nods a little before looking at the other two pegasi behind the brown one.

"Okay, those two look like walruses. Seriously, they look like they have enough fat to keep warm on Pluto!" He starts eyeing the pegasus on the right, looking up and down his body. "Hmm, this gray one with the footballs on his side here seems to be quieter than the other two. Maybe it's because he can't see me through those bangs of his." His concentration is broken by the howling of the hyena that is the orange pegasus to the left. "No, that can't be right because this one with the basketballs is laughing up a storm and his eyes are covered too. Christian raises a brow at the trio. "I've never seen these guys before." He thinks to himself.

"Ah Dumb-Bell, this guy doesn't even know what a blank flank is!" The orange one shouts in between breaths.

"Yea! This guy must be the stupidest pony ever!" The one called 'Dumb-Bell' replies. "Then again, I don't blame him Hoops. Maybe his stupidity rubbed off of Rainbow Crash!" Christian becomes flabbergasted at his remark.

"They must have seen me with Dash before. They must have been in the clouds so I couldn't see them!" He says to himself before realizing the stupid name they gave Dash. "Rainbow Crash, really?" He shakes off the expression. "All right, who are you idiots?" Christian asks in an annoyed manner. The trio halt their laughter and approach the stallion. Christian holds his ground as his muzzle gets pushed down by 'Dumb-Bell'.

"Better watch yourself there, blank flank! We're not to be messed with!"

"You still haven't answered my question." Christian replies, glaring into the pegasus's eyes.

"Name's Dumb-Bell." He nods toward his posse. "That's Hoops and the quiet one is Score. Got it?" Christian nods.

"Yea, Your name fits you there DUMB-Bell!" Christian starts laughing at the troublemaker. Dumb-Bell quickly reacts with a strong shove at Christian, who flies back into the dirt. Christian lands on his side and tumbles onto his back. He shakes it off and hops right back up, with anger written on his face. "Shouldn't have done that." He says quietly as he points his crossbow right at Dumb-Bell's cutie mark. The pegasi starts boasting.

"Oh please, like a wittle dart can hurt me! You must be kidding!"

"Yea, it's gonna take more than a pin to take us down!" Hoops yells from the sidelines. Christian takes no notice of their tauts, and takes a breath to focus on his target. With a slow movement, he let's go and flicks his hoof to send the dart soaring...

...A mile away from the trio and hitting a nearby house before falling to the ground. The small glass dart rolls a bit in the breeze, making the green liquid inside glimmer in the sun. Christian's jaw drops at the sight. He couldn't believe what he just saw unfold. He starts blinking many times and rubbing his eyes in disbelief, but everytime he opens his eyes he sees the small dart on the ground feet away from the bullies, who where all the while rolling around on the ground laughing their plots off. Christian gets steamed and starts shooting a barrage of darts at the three hyenas. He didn't care if it was a waste of ammo, he was hitting a pony NOW! But every dart missed. Every. Single. One.

"WHOO! Man! You are the WORST shot in Equestria history blank flank!" Dumb-Bell yells on the ground.

"Yea! If your aim was any worse, you would be hitting yourself!" Hoops comments. Christian is left huffing and puffing as he glances around to the area littered with tiny darts. Christian shakes his head in disbelief.

"H-How is it possible!" He shouts in his mind. "You were able to hit Rarity on the cutie mark while flying in the air with one hand on a hang glider, but you can't hit a pony FIVE FEET IN FRONT OF YOU?!" As Christian is lost in thought, Dumb-Bell, Hoops, and Score surround the earth pony. Christian snaps out of his trance to find himself trapped in between the three of them.

"Now we're going to show you why you shouldn't mess with us!" Dumb-Bell shouts. With a loud gulp, Christian looks up to see an incoming brown hoof.

------

"I managed to evade their punches, but not before they tossed me a bit in the dirt. I ran straight here as soon as I saw a clearing." Christian finishes. Spike and Twilight give each other a look of amazement, not believing a word he just said. But Christian looked serious enough, sad even.

"Wow Christian," Spike exclaims. "I can't believe you missed every shot!" Christian gives the dragon a disgruntled look.

"Gee, thanks Spike. That really made me feel better and..." He suddenly realizes that the refreshing breeze of Dash's wings were no longer cooling him. "Hey, were did Dash go?" He gets his answer in the form of Dash emerging from the kitchen with the biggest grin the three of them had ever seen. Confused about the blue mare's condition, he forgets about it and continues. "But I still don't get it."

"Get what?" Twilight asks.

"What's a 'Blank flank'?" Dash explodes into an uproar of laughter the surely Celestia heard in the castle. She throws herself onto the floor with her hind legs kicking up like a pony with a seizure. Christian looks at her funny. "I don't get it?! What's so funny?" Dash is too caught up in laughter to respond a straightforward answer to the stallion.

"Christian! Man! Stop it! You're killing me!" She screams in between breaths. Twilight and Spike look down on their giggling friend. A plain look of unamusement washes over them, making Dash cence her laughter and stare at them.

"Dash, remember what Christian is?" Twilight chimes. Dash's head cocks up to see the tan pony before her, still looking confused. She facehoofs.

"I forgot, sorry. It's just that it's rare to see you like this Christian. You really have no idea, do you?"

"Duh Dash! I'm pretty sure no one on Earth ever called me a 'Blank flank'!"

"How did you forget that he was human?" Spike asks.

"I dunno! I just never see him like this alright!" Dash screams. Christian at this point starts getting a little annoyed that his original question wasn't getting answered.

"I don't care if you forgot that I am human! I just want to know what 'Blank flank' means! So..." He pounds a hoof onto a side table. "WHAT THE BUCK DOES IT MEAN?!" Spike tumbles back at the booming voice, crashing into Twilight's legs.

"Well Christian," Twilight says as Spike picks himself back up. "A 'Blank flank' is a negative term for a colt or filly who has not obtained their cutie mark."

"So?"

"Do the math Christian, you're pretty much a full grown stallion who has yet to acquire a cutie mark." The moment she mentioned a cutie mark, he knew exactly what she meant. Christian glances at his tan backside and sighs at the emptiness.

"So, how do you ponies get a cutie mark again? Because we humans just go to a tattoo parlor if we want an image on our body." Dash starts laughing a little again while Twilight rolls her eyes.

"Christian and his Earth humor." She thought. "Oh ha ha, real funny. Anyway, A pony gets his or her cutie mark when they discover their special talent." Christian stares blankly at her explanation.

"Huh?"

"You figure out what you're really good at, and use it to help ponies!" Dash adds. Christian thinks to himself. It made sense. Well, for ponies anyway. He looks down at his crossbow on his hoof and sighs.

"Guess we can cross off the crossbow then huh?" He says with a frown. "Oh well. I used it to only tranq you anyway, Twitty. So, who's helping me find this 'special talent' of mine?" Twilight and Dash look at each other with the biggest grins.

"We just so happen to know three ponies who can help you Christian!" Christian's face beamed, he figured it would be tough to find a few ponies to help him out!

"Really? Great! So uh, who are they?"