Just Horsing Around ~Pony Tails~

by Darkness Shade

~A Lyracal Discussion: Crazy Pony Meets Crazy Human~

Author's Note:

So yeah, spoiler notation here for those that look at these things: while this event is mentioned by Lyra in 8th Harvest, she does mention a BIG EVENT that happens in 9th Harvest. However, if you read to the end of 8th Harvest, I'm certain most people are smart enough to know what will happen in the 9th one so I guess in a long about way I'm saying if ya don't want spoilage to occur, read this after the 8th Harvest.
...I really shouldn't upload at 1 in the morning. XD

"Really, that's the best you could come up with Rysy-Wysy?"

"Hey, don't look at me Pinks! Lyra wanted to come up with the title and that's what she put together that had a pun."

"...what? Is it not good enough?"

"I don't see a problem with it Lyra but Pinks is taking exception to yer pun levels."

"...but...but humans are crazy! Just look at the antics you've gotten up to! Well, except that whole fight sequence throw down you're about to, oh wait no. That you already had with the weird mis-matched reality breaking dude."

"Wait...how do you...how did?"

"I've been watching and learning how to do that weird thing you and Pinkie Pie seem capable of...that and this story wasn't posted before that specific chapter so..."

"...Lyra, one does not just simply break the fourth wall; it's a talent reserved for those that know what they're doing."

"Rysy-wysy is right! If you don't know what you're doing you could totally destroy all of reality...like he did in that one story."

"...what?"

"I'm afraid it's true Lyra, another me did end up having the fourth wall shatter and all reality torn asunder into blinding white nothing so....yeah, bad things can happen."

"...that's slightly terrifying...so how do I avoid that?"

"You leave it to the professionals like me!"

"Right Pinks....and this, mares and gentlecolts, is what we call the birth of a running gag! Enjoy the story!"

"Okay Apps, I'll see ya later!" Ryan shouted, pulling on his hat and running out the door.

"Alrighty Ry-Ry! I'll come meet ya later this afternoon like we promised."

"Sounds good! Bye!"

Keeping a decent pace, Ryan was running just a bit behind for his meeting with a certain pony that was more aware of humans than she should have been; as it was he wasn't sure just what she was going to want to ask about...and whether she'd get out of hand.

Still, he was curious about just how she knew what a human was and that small fact was why he was meeting at her house to satisfy her curiosity.

"Well, how bad could it be?" Ryan mused to himself before knocking on the door of what he hoped was her house, "This seems to be the right address..."

Not hearing a response, he gave a slight knock on the door again before hearing a loud banging sound and the finally a light-cream colored pony opened the door with a sigh.

"...oh thank goodness you're finally here."

"...Bon-Bon was it? Is...is this a bad time? If it is I can just re-schedule with Lyra later and..."

"No! Get yer tall butt in here!" Bon-Bon shouted, all but shoving Ryan into the house, "She's been insane since she woke up, going on about how excited she is to finally get to talk with you. So please...calm her down!"

"Heh, you have mah word m'lady. I will do what I can to relax Lyra and her hysterical state."

With that Ryan went in the direction she pointed him and soon came upon Lyra pacing slightly in a decently sized room filled with books; clearing his throat he watched her turn around quickly and practically squee when she saw him.

"Ryan!" Lyra shouted, glomping him and knocking him to the ground, "You're here!"

"...I often wonder why it is the ground and I always get so intimately involved ever since I found mah way to Equestria."

"...what? Oh! I'm sorry; I did that thing again where I get a little crazy and..." She paused when she heard a slight rumbling noise, "...was...was that your stomach?"

"...erm, yeah. See, I was running late...and didn't get any breakfast." He explained, taking the calm moment to remove her from his person and stand back up, "Apps has a way of making a fellow want to...continue cuddling with her."

"Awwww, you're so sweet on her." Lyra teased, watching Ryan's flustered reaction, "Haha, anyway if you'd like we've got some fresh muffins Bon-Bon just baked."

"Sure, sure; that sounds good." Ryan replied before watching her run off, "Heh, she's getting better at the two-legged thing. Hmm..."

Passing the few moments while waiting for Lyra to return, he perused the books she had apparently set out and was slightly intrigued by them: they were quite aged and worn but from what he could see they all contained information on humans...or at least the Equestrian equivalent anyway. His curiosity getting the better of him, he picked up one and thumbed through it.

"Alternate realities are curious in how similar they can end up being." He mused, flipping along a bit, "A decent portion of this information seems to match up with what Celestia told me..."

"Getting to it already? Haha, that's cheating."

Ryan spun around to see a giggling Lyra bringing in what appeared to be the largest blueberry muffins he'd ever seen; taking one when offered he nodded.

"Well this at least explains how ya know about them...but these books appear to be ancient; where are they from?"

Sitting down across from him, Lyra gave a small smile before explaining.

"They were my great-great-great-great grandfather's; as far as I know they're the only surviving tomes that detail the humans that lived here in Equestria. I was just a young filly when I first stumbled upon these while visiting my grandfather one day; at first he seemed upset but when I seemed truly interested in humans he started telling me stories about them, reading to me from these books."

"I see then...do you know where your grandfather got them from?"

"...that I could never get from him; even when I was older he wouldn't divulge that secret of how our family came to possess them. Of course, with him gone I'll probably never know so."

"I'm sorry."

"Heh, naw, it's okay; my father either doesn't know or won't tell me either so I may never know. All I know is that I've always dreamed about them since then...what they were like...how they lived...the things they did..."

"Hands?"

"Haha, yes, those too; I spent so many nights thinking on those intriguing creatures but knew I would most likely never get to meet one."

Ryan smirked at bit when she smiled at him, "Ah yes...and then I stepped into the picture....or more like just poofed ta be honest."

"Pretty much..." Lyra started, before staring as Ryan tore a piece off his muffin and ate it, "Fingers...."

"Haha, that again?" Ryan laughed, wiggling them and watching her eyes light up, "...yer not gonna knock me unconscious, tie me up, and then do something diabolical like take mah hands are ya?"

"...n...nooooo." Lyra replied, looking left and right shiftily before laughing loudly, "Oh man, I can't believe you thought I'd do something so crazy!"

"Hahaha, yeah..."

"Seriously though, I might be human-crazed but I'm not insane; I'm not going to harm a friend for selfish reasons. Though...do something else with them!"

"...hmmmm...." Ryan drummed his fingers on the table, "What to do? I mean...most of what I do y'all do here too so it's not like there's much that's uniquely human....huh?"

He had to snicker when he noticed Lyra following his drumming fingers with rapt attention; raising up his index finger it also amused him that she was following it around.

Wondering just how "entranced" by it she was, he rotated it in a circle before motioning for her to come closer; when she was in reach he gave small chuckle.

"I do believe you'll enjoy this aspect of me having fingers...all mah friends do...and I know Apps totally does."

With that he reached forth and started caressing and scratching her mane, laughing as she gave out the pony equivalent of a purr and practically melted under his touch.

"...oh man...AppleJack is so lucky to be your marefriend." Lyra sighed, pouting when Ryan finished his scratching, "Awww....let's see...what else?"

"Hmmm...." Ryan had picked up a second book and was thumbing through it, "Interesting...not all humans here were actually able to use magic of their own accord; some new it inherently but others were taught how to. Darkness seemed to take to it pretty easy, judging by all I read and who his teacher was; I wonder then if he was inherently gifted then? I suppose that would help explain how I've taken to magic pretty well despite coming from a world lacking it. However, it's a bit sad to see those that could were often ostracized by the ones that couldn't...hmmm...why doesn't that surprise me?"

Lyra watched as he easily flipped through the pages, holding a few pages between each finger as he looked over the information and made remarks here and there.

"Lucky...."

"Haha, who knows Lyra? Maybe I'll find some kind of spell to let you temporarily be a human or something." Ryan laughed, lightly booping her on the nose. "By the way, that reminds me of all those books back at the castle...I'll have to give those a read someday when I get some free time. I bet Luna would love to show me around."

"...books? Castle? The Princess?"

"Hmmm? Oh yeah, these books of yours are quite a rarity; I dare say they are the only ones of its kind in public hands but...well, I don't see any harm in sharing this fact with you. There is a secret library with all the knowledge and events from when humans still existed in Equestria." Ryan explained, "I haven't had the chance to ask if I could read them but maybe if I ever get the ability to I'll bring ya along; wouldn't hurt to have another human expert besides mahself after all."

Lyra just sat there, unblinking for a few moments and Ryan began to worry about her; just as he was about to go get Bon-Bon for some help she finally moved and jumped around the room clapping her hooves together all the while chanting, "Goody, goody, goody!"

"....well, I guess that would make you excited." Ryan nervously laughed, "So are ya just obsessed with mah hands or did you have any other questions from the source?"

"Oh oh! Yeah! Let's see...."

And so the next two hours passed by, Ryan explaining some things to Lyra that she found amusing, troublesome, curious, and even slightly unnerving.

"So they did eat meat...that's a bit...hmm...I'm not sure how to feel on that."

"Well, it unhinges mah mind a little too being here since hot dogs exist...and ham...I haven't seen hamburgers or anything beef based but that's probably because the cows here talk so...I'd feel kind of guilty doing that. I've noticed chickens don't seem to be on the menu either, though eggs are fair game. In all honesty, the change in diet really hasn't been too hard; I mean, it's not like all a human eats is meat after all. We're quite adaptable."

"...I know that these books detail this world a thousand years ago; there is some history that says more ponies use to be...what's that big word?"

"Omnivorous?"

"Right! That one Ryan! From what I know of Equestrian history over time other animals evolved to be more like ponies and so when they became more intelligent diets slowly changed; obviously, as you've noted, some animals still aren't there but...."

"Yeah, it gets a little mind-messy so I don't try to think on it too hard. I've got to say though, when Pinks shows up with those hot dogs they are just...the best. I know she hinted at her source, but I wonder if she wasn't just messing with me? Anyway, is there anything else you want to do? We've got about an hour left before Apps shows up and I have to take care of some things with her."

"Only an hour huh? Well...at least I've got some time with you left. Hmmm?" Lyra tapped her hoove, trying to think of what else she could ask, "...there are a lot of things I'd like to do...but seeing as you have a special somepony it just wouldn't be right to ask about some of them."

"Hahaha, Lyra you so crazy." Ryan teased before breaking into hearty laughter, "There's got to be something you want that's appropriate. This is supposed to be readable by all ages after all."

"...you did that weird thing again, where you talk like Pinkie does sometimes."

"Just one of my eccentric habits, nothing to worry yerself over."

"Ryan, when you say things like that, you make me look sane."

Ryan blinked for a moment before breaking into a huge grin and then laughing loudly again, Lyra joining in not too long after as the two shared a moment of silliness.

"...although, there is maybe one thing...it's kind of...well, it would make me get the human perspective on something, since it sounds a little curious..."

"Hmmm? What do you mean Lyra?"

"Well...." Lyra leaned in and whispered what she wanted to ask him, "....so?"

"...that's....well...hmmm...I...well I think it's feasible but...I mean...it is kind of..."

"I know it's odd but...please?" Lyra batted her eyes and smiled sweetly at Ryan, "Nopony has to know."

"Urk! The eyes....why must I be a male in a land that's predominantly female? It's not fair I tell you!!" Giving a sigh, Ryan nodded his head, "Very well...but if anypony finds out about this..."

"They won't! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Howdy Bon-Bon, ah know I'm a little early but I finished up mah errands quicker than I figured I would so I thought I'd just go ahead and stop by. Is that alright?"

"Oh sure, no problem AppleJack; Lyra and Ryan are in her little "human study" room as she calls it. Been there discussing who knows what for the last four hours...in fact, the only time anypony came out of there was to get some muffins. I haven't heard too much noise coming out of there so I can only assume Ryan's somehow keeping her enthusiasm and noise levels in check."

"Haha, that sounds like mah Apple Ryder; he's pretty good at keeping even the most hyper pony steady...well, most of the time anyway. He still has some problems keeping a calm state of mind around Pinkie Pie..."

"...he gets upset at her?"

"No Bon-Bon, his brain just breaks." AppleJack sighed before smirking, "He seems to be aware of a few of Pinkie's odd mannerisms, enough so to interact with them, but every so often a small part of it is beyond even his ability to understand so his brain kind of short-circuits for lack of a better word."

"Oh...but that's what happens to everypony though that interacts with Pinkie Pie."

"Not like this sugarcube; it's kind of weird but I think because he can understand better than us, when he doesn't it hits him harder. Last time he just zoned out for a few moments and only an apple brought him out of it."

"Hiya! Giddyup!"

AppleJack seemed a might confused as she looked at an equally puzzled Bon-Bon, "What in tarnation was that?"

"I don't know...that sounded like Lyra's voice. Why would she...."

Just then there was a bit of a loud thumping noise, followed by a crash and then some swearing; slightly startled by it the two of them ran towards the room Ryan and Lyra was in and kicked open the door....only to see a slightly confusing sight.

"Apple Ryder? What in tarnation is going on?"

"...I assure you, this is not what it appears to be. She wanted the human perspective on horse riding...but she won't get off!" Ryan grumbled, trying to shake Lyra off his back, "Come on dangit! Look, ya got me to cave enough to do this pony ride for a little bit but that was twenty minutes ago; using that magic of yers just ain't fair...especially knowing mine ain't all that powerful yet!"

"Lyra! You get off of mah boyfriend this instant!" AppleJack grumbled, marching over and roughly grabbing hold of her.

"Wait! I was having so much fun getting that experience in! I almost felt like I was a human!"

Ryan, meanwhile, was a bit worn out now after having Lyra on his back like that for so long and simply fell down on to the ground flat on his stomach; groaning quietly he let out a sigh and saw Bon-Bon near his side asking if he was alright.

"Y'all ponies aren't that heavy, but tarnation...a human back is not meant to hold that much weight for very long."

"Why did you agree then?"

"It's like I told Lyra, but I'll do so in pony terms this time." Ryan huffed, smirking at Bon-Bon, "When yer a stallion in a land full of mares, that also know you're weak against batted eyes and smiles, yer...yer gonna do things for them. Especially if'n they're your friends."

"Friends or not, y'all shouldn't be riding Ry-Ry like that." AppleJack huffed, shaking her head and glaring at Lyra, "He's yer friend...ya shouldn't be abusing trust like that."

"...I'm...I'm sorry AppleJack; I'm just...eager to see the human perspective on stuff and...I got carried away."

AppleJack rubbed her forehead before helping Ryan up into a standing position, "Look, it's alright...but we never mention any of this; if the others overhead you saying you were riding mah Apple Ryder, I don't think they'd take it the right way."

"Apps!" Ryan groaned before leaning on her, "Sheesh...and there go mah cheeks."

"Oh yeah! They are bright red! Cool! So that's what it looks like when humans blush." Lyra giggled before blinking at AppleJack's stare, "Right! Right! I promise this will never, ever be brought up again!"

"...Apps...can we...maybe...get some painkillers or something?" Ryan asked as she helped him walk along, his arm holding his back as the muscles burned and yelled at him, "Lyra...well, she's a little heavier than I thought."

"Hey!"

Ryan laughed softly, pausing to look over his shoulder at the frumpy looking Lyra standing in the doorway, "Haha, well, ahm sorry but that's the truth...I don't mean anything by it, other than I underestimated my body's durability."

"...Hmph, well, okay. You're lucky you're the only human here or I'd be griefing you even more mister."

"Hahahaha, duly noted; thanks again for the muffin Bon-Bon, it was amazing. Urk!"

"Okay there tough guy, let's get you some meds...and then maybe I can help with a little tender loving care?"

Ryan merely chuckled at such a suggestion and leaned down to kiss AppleJack, "I would never think to turn down some of that wonderful southern hospitality...especially not from mah sweet little Apps."

Comments

[EnderHooves]

Wouldn't it make more sense to put those spoiler warnings at the top? There should be an option for author's notes so it's at the top.

I love these side stories.

[Darkness Shade]

6422087
Ya know, come to think of it...Ah think one of the more recent updates to the site added that feature. If it is, that's a good idea...at least for these stories anyhow.

And glad ya like them. Ah really should write another since they're shorter and a bit easier to crank out compared to the main story. Ah've got ideas, maybe it's time Ah fully formed another one?
Either way, glad ya enjoyed them.

Edit: Yeah, they totally did add that feature, so Ah fixed it!