Hey Jude...

by IHateFanficUnlessItPays

Welcome To Hell! Chapter 2

Equestria Is Nice This Time Of Dimension

“WHAT THE FU FU FU FU FU FU FU BUCK!” Jude said shooting out the Fu-s like a machine gun.

Jude was starting to panic and the Pegasus was just staring back at him trying to make out his shape considering he was standing in the dark under the thick trees.

“THAT’S A PEGUSUS!?”

OH NOOOOO! He can still hear the writing! Rainbow Dash became startled as he shouted this at her, or she thought he did at least.

“Hey you! Why don’t you step out of the shade and let me see you?” she said interrogatingly, pointing her hoof right at him.

“Fine. I want to see what you really are anyway.”

The man started to take heavy steps out of the shade showing his incredible build. And with a look of malice on his face nonetheless, Rainbow Dash actually felt a little intimidated. However that didn’t last long when the man went -

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

“WHAT ARE YOU!?”

“I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THAT!”

“IMA HUMAN! WHAT THE BUCK ARE YOOOOOOU!”

“I’M A PONY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN A HUMAN!?”

They went at that for a little bit until Jude decided that he was crazy and decided to end his life. MWUHAHAHAHAH.

“NO! I will not commit suicide! What the hell is your problem!?”

“What I never said that to you, are you some kind of crazy pony!?”

“I am not a pony!”

Jude was starting to grow angry that the voice in his head (us) was baiting him into saying dumb things, until he through up his hand in the air and went,

“Tell you what mythical pony and anonymous voice from nowhere, I will do something violent, but it’s going to prove I am dreaming and I am going to do it to you!” he said point suddenly to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow Dash took a fighting stance not wanting to back down only to be a little shocked when the man sincerely apologized for what he was about to do.

“Though I truly am sorry I need to destroy you, I mean I am a peace keeper and all, and normally wouldn’t think of doing this to anyone I met and helped me but it won’t actually hurt you because you don’t exist.”

Confused, Rainbow suggested, “Well can’t you just let me go or do it to yourself? That would be better to prove whether or not you’re dreaming, really… hurting me wouldn’t really solve much.”

“Sorry can’t hear you over the sound of me about to kill you, so sorry, sorry, truly sorry… sucks I have to kill a mythical creature, they’re supposed to be cool” Jude kept mumbling as he searched for his weapon. Rainbow Dash did feel a tad bit flattered when he mention her and cool in the same sentence… despite his threats.

“Wait… WHERE THE HELL IS MY WEAPON!” Jude shouted…

Remember when I said you lost your armor in the dimension jump? That implied you also lost your saber and sidearm and anything else attached to it as well.

Jude now panicked just looked at Rainbow Dash, and as if a lightning bolt just went through his head, he just accepted that he was not dreaming. (Oh yeah… he just did because you willed it, otherwise this would’ve taken too long).

“What’s that other voice in my head now?” (Me, the narrator).

Rainbow turned her head to the side quizzically, seeing the creature talk to himself.

“Haha… you are crazy. Funny but crazy” Rainbow said relaxing her stance a bit.

They both just stood there in semi-fighting stances, as the stand-down grew more and more awkward as Jude lost the will to fight. He finally broke the silence when he said,

“Hey, I don’t know why but… fine I accept that I am here now… but what is ‘here’?”

Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened as it hit her as well, and she realized that he truly wasn’t from Equestria and that he could be that adventurous friend she was thinking about. So instead of answering his question, she flew right into his face and started berating him with her own.

“Oh my gosh! You really aren’t from here? Where do you come from? Are you some kind of warrior? Do you race where you’re from? Are you an athlete? Do you humans who fly there as well? Omygosh omygosh omygosh omygosh!”

“Jesus! Calm down. I’ll get to that! And you used the word Humans wrong by the way. I’m the stranger, tell me where I am first.”

“Ok Ok, first off this is…” Rainbow Dash stopped as she saw the timberwolves they had recently beat bringing themselves back together. “This is someplace we really need to get leaving now…”

“What?” Jude said with this exacerbated look on his face, as a timberwolf was forming itself back together right behind him.

“There’s what behind me!?”

*ROAR!*

“WHOA!” Jude stumbled right next to Rainbow Dash as they found themselves surrounded by the pack of timberwolves, revived and angry.

“Ok this isn’t good, they seem really ticked at us” Rainbow said.

Jude all of a sudden had an idea, and reached into his pouch pocket on his pants. He then pulled out… A PLASMA GRENADE!? HOW- BUT- WHY! Who let that get through the dimension jump! (You’re the author; I just work here.)

“Ok so looks like we are in luck, listen pony…”

“Rainbow Dash.”

“Rainbow Dash… this is a grenade and it makes a giant explosion that will destroy anything in its radius so lets be sure to not be here when… *tssss*”

The grenade was heavily damaged in the dimension jump and began to degrade and quickly become volatile. That’s why I didn’t want any of your weapons to come with you!

“Oh this isn’t good! Rainbow this thing is going to blow up anyway so we better…”

Jude threw the sparking and burning grenade on the ground violently.

“… BOOK IT!”

Rainbow took off fast in one direction leaving her rainbow trail wake while Jude did a massive force jump in the other direction. The timberwolves pounced a second late at them and landed on the plasma grenade. The grenade then shorted and exploded in a vicious blue electric fireball. The explosion managed to breach the canopy of the forest and could be seen from above.

- - - - -

Rainbow Dash turned around immediately at the thundering sound and saw the explosion dissipating. She flew over quickly realizing that the man she met had gone the other way and was nowhere to be seen. She hovered above the forest shouting for him. But he was not in any condition to answer.

Jude, who was in a state that weakened him if he tried to use his force powers, nearly blacked out from jumping like that. If he hadn’t though, he would’ve been disintegrated with the timberwolves. When he came to, he was near the edge of the forest, a lucky direction he had picked to jump in.

“Ugh… I need help… you… please help me.”

I can’t help you; you’re not even supposed to be able to hear me. I am just saying what you are doing. You are in an alternate dimension and that’s all I am going to say.

“Wait! You can’t just leave me here, I’ll still hear you!”

Not for much longer once I’m done with this fix in the fourth wall. But I’ll give you this… (Jude started walking to the edge of the tree line and saw out of the forest to a town in the distance) This is Equestria. Land of magic; home of the ponies. That is Ponyville in the distance. Where you will find your destiny.

“I… I can’t believe something like this is real!” Jude said gripping his head in pain, but his expression was one of wonder and astonishment.

You’re one to talk coming from a crossover universe yourself, Mr. Jedi.

“Hey, no one thought that those two universes would REALLY become reality until they just did so shut up! This is a little different!”

I leave that up to you to think what you want, but for now you will no longer hear me, and you will not remember having heard me. That is the way it must be. It happens… NOW!

“But… Oww. My head. So… that’s Ponyville, I think. Better keep a really low profile, I don’t think these ponies think humans exist, I find their existence far less surprising than they find mine. OW!” His eye twitched uncontrollably, “Maybe I should find a doctor and steal some painkillers.”

Jude began to trudge on, limping to the town still rubbing his head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile… In Ponyville

“Hey sweetie, you really can’t go on another bender like that” somepony said.

“It’s not like I was doing anything that hurt anypony” another pony responded

“Hey, I am not trying to put you down, but almost everypony thinks humans don’t exist, most don’t even know WHAT they are.”

“I know but I thought I found new evidence that they really did live here on the earth before we did and I couldn’t put the book down!”

Bon Bon and Lyra Heartstrings were both walked slowly down the street past shops and homes. Lyra had recently found more books and had spent the last two nights straight researching evidence that humans might have once lived in Equestria, spurring her belief that humans still do exist further.

“Listen, I know you love this stuff and I don’t want to stop you doing either, but you really can’t just keep going for over 50 hours straight” Bon Bon said nudging Lyra jokingly.

“I know you worry about me but you know how I get.”

“Yeah, listen, why don’t you enjoy OUR reality and come with me to my appointment at the spa; you could use it just as much as me”

“No thanks Bon, I think I am just going to go home, relax and play myself something.”

“No tearing open books of ancient legends that talks about the existence of mythical creatures right?”

“Haha no I promise, I’m over that stuff… for now.”

“Ok Lyra, I’m going to the spa, I’ll see you at home in a couple hours then!”

Bon Bon quickened her pace and trotted away. Lyra turned around yawned and then headed back down the street.

I really think I am getting close to proving they exist, or close enough to merit it to myself trying some magic. I wonder… if they do truly exist, if I could create a spell to bring a human to me. If I could meet one that would just be the best thing EVER, Lyra thought to herself.

- - - - -

Jude had started to make his way stealthily into the town. He wanted to wait until dark, but since he didn’t know his way around he had to brave it in the day. He got behind one of the shops and snuck along its wall. He peered down the alleyway between two shops and saw a slow going teal pony.

“What’s that on her ass? Never mind, she seems to be the only one on this side of town so it shouldn’t be too hard getting by her” Jude quietly said to himself.

“This town is built for pony’s that are 5 feet tall at most it seems”, he said grabbing onto a water drain by the building, “I could probably climb up these buildings with eaAAASSSE OOOOOOOHHHHH!”

Halfway up the climb the metal tube came loose and he started to fly forward out of the alley. He came crashing down and yelled because he hurt his bruised head again, but he came crashing down right on Lyra’s back.

“OOF! Oh my gosh, what the hay happened? My back… are… are you alrigh-“ She cut herself off when she looked to who landed on her when she saw lying over her were two legs clothed in pants! She caught a quick glimpse of hands as well before Jude took them both up to his face in pain.

Lyra was no longer in pain or tired, she immediately got out from under the man that just landed on her and turned around. She saw a human. A HUMAN! For the love of God this must be karma or something, she was JUST talking about humans and what do you know! A HUMAN!

“Oh. My. Celestia. AAAAA- human” Lyra said so excitedly that ‘human’ came out as a barley audible high-pitched squeak. Her normal eccentric self returning to her persona. Insomnia be damned!

“Ouch… hey I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… oh crap I’m out in the open… uhh” Jude fumbling with what to say when he saw Lyra with a look of pure joy on her face.

“A UNICORN!”

“Yes, I’m a unicorn, but you are a human, oh my gosh I have waited for this day my entire life!”

“Oh… listen I can’t really stay so I’m- SMOKEBOMB!” *BOOM!*

Jude punched the ground as hard as he could with a little bit of the force put behind it and knocked a ton of dirt and dust into the air. He proceeded to run in the opposite direction of Lyra towards the town center. Lyra shouted, “WAIT!” and tried to chase him but tripped on her first step. Her mind was awake now but her body still wasn’t.

She then heard Rainbow Dash behind her in the distance yelling at other ponies.

“Have you seen a giant two legged human wandering around here? Have you seen a large human recently? Oh come on! Hasn’t anybody seen a creature that doesn’t belong at all!?”

Rainbow Dash came up to Lyra who flagged her down.

“Hey did you happen to see a creature that calls itself a hu-“

“Human.”

“YES! I was flying over the Everfree forest when I saw him fighting timberwolves and it turned out he’s a human from another land! Wait you said human, SO YOU SAW HIM where is he!?

“Actually I knew about humans before, but yes I did actually see him, he fell down on top of me and-“

“WHERE IS HE!?”

“He ran off towards the center of town! Go get him, I couldn’t chase him good enough!”

“Whatever! I’m off! THAAAaaaanks…” Rainbow flew off to catch him.

“OK I need to get going to, as soon as I get some paper and quills to write with…” Lyra said running to her house, almost tripping every few steps.

Jude was running fast and then nearly tripped over his own two feet. He had used his powers again and was losing more consciousness. Enough for him to smash into a mailbox and break it off. A mailpony was near by and saw it and got a little angry considering she had just delivered the mail to there. She flew up and landed in front of him.

“Hey, that wasn’t nice, that mailbox never did anything to you!”

“You don’t care that I’m a human?”

“You’re a what now?”

Jude looked right at her and saw that she had crossed eyes, he concluded that he suffered a concussion and was seeing wrong, and got up and started to run haphazardly more through the town.

“What a strange thing…”

A pony came out of the home, saw the mailbox and yelled at the mailpony.

“Derpy! What did you do to my mailbox!?”

“It wasn’t me, it was the human.”

“… OK. Well… just don’t let it happen again? Bye.”

Derpy flew off, only to get a few feet before Rainbow Dash came crashing by. Rainbow stopped for a split second to ask Derpy if she had seen the human, but before she could Derpy went-

“The human is over there.”

“Uh… GREAT Thanks Derpy!” Rainbow flew off again making time on the Jedi.

- - - - -

Jude was coming to the end of his usefulness, as he was just about to collapse. He went and found a comfortable fenced off giant tree to hang out under and slowly die. He started thinking to himself if he had handled himself rationally if he could already be talking to these ponies’ leader, instead of panicking and hurting himself more.

He was sitting there a little blinded by the sun; he looked around the tree and found a pair of goggles hanging on a fence. They looked like skiers goggles but they block the sun so great. He adjusted the strap, put them on, and sat back under the tree.

“Hey” an annoyed voice said.

“Oh God, what now…”

He looked up, still dizzy as hell, and saw white pony standing sternly over him, her hair was dyed a little but her eyes… they were piercing his soul. Averting his eyes without her seeing, thanks to the goggles he was sure he now stole, he spoke to her.

“So, why can’t you people just leave me alone? I am suffering from head injuries and just want to die in peace” he said, sounding high pitched and whiny.

“That’s all good for you, but you’re doing it with my shades.”

“So I am. I apologize. But I don’t think that you’re in any position to argue with a creature almost twice your size that has had a very bad day. Unless you skewer me with your horn, unicorn. Calling you unicorn like that isn’t derogatory right? I’d hate for my last note to be racist… specieist… buck it.”

“You don’t know who you’re messing with. Just give them back.”

The pony’s horn all of a sudden started to glow and then Jude felt his head coming forward against his will. Then he realized that the goggles were also glowing and were tugging him.

“What the hell! Unicorns can do magic!? I thought it was just the horn thing!”

“You thought wrong alien!”

Jude snatched them off his head but instead of giving them back he fought back.

“Well… TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME!” then Jude threw her through the air with a large force push. But he kept her in the air though, not going as far as to hurt her. But that last show of power was too much as it hurt his head immediately and he started screaming.

“AHHH! Why! Why am I not even able to do this! I’ve trained for yeeeeaaaaaaars! This is second nature to me! Why can’t I- Oh hello… who are you?” Jude said as a purple unicorn with wings came running out of the tree.

“What? Wings? So which are you? I’m… feeling lost…”

But without another word she used her magic and levitated Jude and shot him forcibly up against the side of the tree. He let out a yell and screamed he was sorry. Then the alicorn was astonished to see that what she just attacked was some ‘mythical creature’ and dropped him in shock.

“What the… NOOOO! *Bam*” Jude screamed.

Jude fell sideways and hit his head on a branch, knocking him clean out.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ponyville General Hospital, 112% fewer fatalities than any given human drama show hospital

Jude woke up in the hospital, his bed being elongated and two wide. Turns out they did have modern enough technology to deal with his injuries. Though he swore the neck brace he was wearing was meant for a longer necked being… like say a pony. He ripped it off, annoyed at its feeling.

When he did that, the security guard let some ponies outside know that ‘the human just woke up.’ And in shuffled the mane six, and 3 others. Jude only recognized a few, and he wouldn’t know what the mane six would mean for a bit.

“Uh… hi” Jude said cautiously.

“Hello there, we were talking about what to do with you while you were asleep, just so you know” the purple one said.

“And the verdict?”

“You are unbelievably cool in the way you used your magic to like fight and can walk on just TWO legs!” Rainbow Dash said racing to his side.

“And not to mention that I have wanted to meet a human forever!” Lyra said running to his other side.

“RAINBOW! And you too Lyra. We decided that since your another magic user that we should watch you carefully, but since you are from another dimension, we will allow you to move about so we can study you, anything to add to sway us?” the purple one said again.

“I promise I won’t try to kill you all on a daily basis or try to bring my people here… that’s about as much as I can or will promise” Jude said dryly.

“We’ll take it!” shouted Rainbow Dash, getting annoyed looks from the purple one.

“But I haven’t the slightest idea who you all are” Jude said staring at what felt like hundreds of eyes.

“Well I’m Twilight Sparkle.”

“Ah’m Apple Jack hon.”

“I am Raaaarity” she said shaking her hair.

“HI! I’m Pinkie Pie!” She seemed like she was holding back screaming and jumping.

“That’s Fluttershy to save the you asking her for her name over and over” Rainbow said.

“Th- thanks Rainbow” Fluttershy said barely audible and from behind a chair.

“I’m Lyra Heartstrings, I truly hope we can be friends, we can write later.”

“I’m Derpy, Derpy Hooves.”

“I, of course, am the one and only Rainbow Dash! But you already knew that when I saved your butt in the forest” she said wiping off one of her hooves like she was bragging. Which she was.

“That’s great… except I did because I blew up the forest so ha” Jude responded.

“…Vinyl Scratch-”

Jude looked right at the pony that said that, everyone seemed to move aside.

“Hey Vinyl… sorry that I took your shades and then did a move that I usually do to hurt people. I hope I didn’t and I’ll TRY to make it up to you. Try…”

“Well… OK let me revise my intro. I’m Equestria’s most popular DJ with the sickest beats and dirtiest wubs! VINYL SCRATCH!”

“A DJ huh, I think we’ll get along just fine… by the way everyone, my name is Gerald Russman, but everyone calls me Jude.

“Well now everyPONY can call you Jude too!” Pinkie Pie shouted.

“Alright! Now that we are all introduced, we can start you off on your new life here!” Twilight yelled with glee.

“Say what…”

“This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship” Twilight said again as they all smiled.

“No it isn’t! Don’t say that! Don’t ever say that!” Jude said in defiant response. His time here having just officially begun.

To Be Continued

Author's Note:

This I put a little more work into, and I hope I can keep chapters consistently this long, but I am so used to script writing where textual content does not necessarily correlate to length of the content. In this it does a just a little bit more.

I could 500 word story with 100 things that happen, but that's one lame story.

I am not doing this for likes or a lot of views, just merely doing this. I am calm today, as you can see compared to ANYTHING ELSE I've written on this account (Which is supposed to be shared but apparently I'm the only one who uses it!). I have no dislike of writing these today, not a brony but still enjoying this. Maybe this is the start of- oh nope there it goes- WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! WHYYYYYYY!OIHDLzhfuhaugilwrhe 98g4y48 olk