Sword and Sorcery

by CCC

Chapter 1: Picnic

A dull BOOM rumbles above the clearing, together with a burst of rainbow light.

“Hey!” said Rainbow Dash, landing neatly next to the picnic blanket. “Did you know there's a city right over that way?”

“Yes, I did.” replied Discord, calmly stirring his tea with one claw.

“And there's not a single pegasus in the area. Or griffon.”

“Maybe it's an entirely earth pony and unicorn city?” asked Twilight.

“They don't have unicorns here.” replied Discord, taking a sip of tea. “Or pegasi. Present company excepted, of course. You'll find some quite... substantial differences between here and Equestria. But I do believe we were going to have a picnic?”

“Awwww... but I've never been here before.” protested Rainbow Dash. “I'd really like to get a chance to look around before we have to go back.”

“It's, uh, probably a really good idea if we all stick together – for the moment.” suggested Twilight, not taking her eyes off Discord.

Discord put down his empty teacup, and waved a lion paw negligently. “I can leave the gate open when I go.” he suggested, calmly. “It's no trouble.”

“Really?” asked Dash, leaping a few metres up and hovering there. “That would be awesome!”

Twilight looked substantially less enthusiastic, but Discord spoke up again before she could form a proper objection.

“Besides, I have something of a question... and I'd appreciate all your input.”

“We'd be happy to help, dear.” said Rarity. “More tea?”

“Don't mind if I do.” Discord waited until he had a full teacup again, before continuing. “It's about the nature of good and evil. You realise, of course, that I'm kind of new to the whole thing, but... is it always a good thing to save somepony's life?”

“Yes!”

“Of course!”

“Obviously.”

“Even somepony who wants to die?”

This question was greeted by a very attentive silence at first. Twilight was the one to break it.

“How exactly do you mean?”

“Well, let's say, as a purely hypothetical scenario, that... um... that, say, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza were to die suddenly. Struck by lightning, say.”

Twilight's eyes narrowed to slits.

“And then her husband, what was his name again?” Discord waved a claw around vaguely, as if trying to remember something.

“Shining Armour.” snapped Twilight.

“Yes, Shining Armour, that's the name. Let us say that, after his wife's death, he climbs up, all the way to the top of that crystal palace of theirs. And, let's say that, overcome with grief, he takes the conscious decision to jump off the topmost balcony. And then I just happen to come by as he's about halfway to the ground. I can, of course, easily save his life at that point; but considering that it was his own, conscious decision that put him in that situation to begin with, is it morally right for me to intervene and -”

Discord stopped, apparently noticing for the first time the hostility of the stares being aimed at him. Even Fluttershy looked upset.

Twilight stood up, and marched across the picnic blanket to poke Discord in the chest with one hoof. “That had better be just a hypothetical scenario.” she warned. “If my brother, or his wife, are in any way harmed...”

“Wait, he's your brother?” asked Discord. “I had no... I was just picking a celebrity couple, known for their love. Both of them are fine, to the best of my knowledge.” He waved a claw, as if to try to erase the last ten minutes of conversation. “Substitute in any other names that you want. That doesn't matter. The question is the same. Lovesick stallion flings self from tall tower, on purpose. Is it morally right to stop him?”

Twilight glared at Discord for a little longer, and then said “Spike, take a note. To, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. Dear sister-in-law and best foalsitter ever, I hope this letter finds you well. It's probably nothing, but could you let me know if anything odd has been happening to you lately? It might also be a good idea to take special care to avoid lightning for the next few days. Please reply soon. Signed, Twilight.”

“...next few days, please reply soon. Signed, Twilight.” repeated Spike.

“Right. Send it.”

Spike breathed in, and released a burst of fire at the note, It evaporated into smoke, which spun around and dived back through Discord's portal-archway.

“This lack of trust is truly distressing.” sighed Discord. “It really was just a hypothetical scenario. I promise.”

“When it comes to my brother's life, or his wife's -” Twilight sat down abruptly, not taking her eyes off Discord - “I don't take chances.”

“Oh, and I can respect that.” replied the dragonequus. “As to the question at hand, though – if I intervene, then I am restricting the free will of the stallion in question. Not quite to the same degree as, say, I did to your friends during that first incident – with the maze – but I am in effect preventing the stallion from making a certain choice, entirely of his own free will. On the other hand, if I do not intervene, then we have a dead stallion, which is clearly a subop-”

Spike burped suddenly, spitting out a scroll. Twilight snatched it up with her magic, and unrolled it. “Dearest Twilight...” she muttered, reading quickly “...perfectly fine... crystal corn harvest especially good last month... preparations for Equestria Games going well. Will take particular care to avoid lightning... love to hear the story behind your letter. Signed, Cadence.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, and her shoulders sagged slightly with the release of tension. “Thank you, Spike.” She aimed a rather less hostile (but nonetheless definitely angry) glare at Discord and added “And I would rather appreciate it if you wouldn't use my family members as hypothetical examples in the future.” she added.

“Noted.” said Discord. “Though, if I'd known he was your brother...”

“There, there.” said Fluttershy, patting him gently on the back with one hoof. “It was an honest mistake. I'm sure Twilight understands that. Right, Twilight?”

“As to the question, though?” asked Discord. “I mean, it's not exactly the sort of ethical dilemma that one wants to have to solve in the few seconds before a stallion hits the ground. If I could get this worked out in advance...”

“Ooooh! Ooooh! I know! I know!” Pinkie jumped up and down, waving one hoof in the air. “Pick me! Pick me!”

“What would you say I should do in that sort of situation?” Discord asked her.

“You should throw a PARTY!”

“...what?”

“Well, I mean, you catch him first, right? Because he can't really go to a party if he's dead, and he'll be dead if he falls from a tall, tall, tower, unless it's a hypothetical tower, which means that it isn't really there, in which case there really isn't anything to fall from, and I suppose that would be just like bouncing, and I bounce all the time, so it's not really dangerous, but anyway, then once he's safe you invite him to a party, because people only jump off things if they're really depressed, and the best way to make someone stop being depressed is with a PARTY! Only I guess that it might take a bit of time to make a party, unless you've got a party cannon like I do, only that's not really a problem for you, is it, I mean you can just snap your fingers and then it's PARTY like the party was there all along only it wasn't, right? Only you'd still have to deliver invitations to everyone else, and then wait for them to get ready, and then they'd all have to come to the party, and you can't wait too long in case the stallion tries to go up a tower again, oh, and thinking of that, you should probably hold the party in a basement somewhere, just in case, so that nothing unfortunate happens before he get all cheered up again!”

Discord stared at Pinky. He blinked twice, and stared a bit longer.

“Okaaaayyyyyyyyy....” he said, when the torrent of words appeared to have stopped. “So... save the stallion's life, then.”

“While it does reduce the romantic-tragedy aspects of the whole affair,” said Rarity, “on the whole I must agree with Pinkie here.”

“Hey! You rhymed! Just like Zecora!” volunteered Pinkie.

“Don't expect me to keep it up, dear. However, Pinkie has touched on another aspect of the situation as well; while I have no doubt that the hypothetical stallion would, on sober reflection, regret his impulsive decision, it is nonetheless true that he might have similar impulsive decisions shortly afterward. It is not enough to merely save his life. The root cause of his depression must also be dealt with, in one or another way.”

“Hmmm... okay, that seems clear enough.” said Discord. “However... that's someone who decides to take his life on an impulse. What about -”

He paused for a long moment, looking at Twilight.

“Oh, forget hypotheticals.” he said. He snapped his talons, and a muddy creature appeared, hovering above their picnic blanket.

Fluttershy squeaked, and dived behind Discord. Rainbow Dash, on the other hand, flew up and over the creature, getting a good look at its face. The creature did not appear to be impressed – mainly because it was asleep.

“Similar to a minotaur,” said Twilight, walking around the dreature to inspect it, “except without fur, a substantially different head and leg design... I take it he's dying in some way?”

“Alcohol poisoning.” replied Discord promptly. “For something like – oh, must be about twenty years or so – he's been pouring different types of wine down his throat. His liver has been so thoroughly poisoned that he's probably only got days to live. He's got no serious prospect of getting this fixed in this world, but... he drank those drinks himself. It was his choices that got him into this situation, and he got to this point knowing that the drinks that he enjoyed would have a bad effect on him in the end. Now, this clearly isn't an impulse thing, so I'm not sure -”

“Save his life.” said Twilight, promptly.

Rarity and Spike nodded in agreement.

“Um, he, looks like he's in a lot of pain?” muttered Fluttershy, quietly.

“Yes, he is.” replied Discord. “It's a symptom of his condition.”

“Could you, um, fix that too? If it's not too much trouble, I mean...”

“We can throw him a great big glad-you're-not-poisoned-anymore PARTY!” yelled Pinkie.

“Yeah, saving him's definitely the right thing ta do.” agreed Applejack.

There was a brief pause, while everyone waited. Rainbow Dash was the first to break the silence.

“Well? What are you waiting for?”

“Your input.” replied Discord. “You're the only one who hadn't expressed an opinion yet.”

“What? Of course you gotta save him!”

“Unanimous, then. As you wish.” Discord snapped his talons, and the man's skin reddened somewhat; he seemed to relax, and breathe easier. “There we go. But... that brings us to another point.” Discord took another sip of tea. “Our little teaparty here will only last another hour. If I put this man back where I found him, then he may just poison his liver all over again. We don't have time, before the end of our picnic, to try to resolve any underlying issues he may have. Given that, is it morally right to leave him there, or should I put him somewhere else?”

“Well, I guess his family would be kinda worried.” suggested Applejack.

“Doubtful.” said Discord. “I found him sleeping in a muddy ditch, alone. I don't know if he has family, but he certainly has no-one willing to offer him a bed. I don't for one minute imagine that anyone would miss him here.”

“Well, that makes it a whole lot easier, dear. We'll just have to take him back to Equestria with us.” said Rarity. “He can stay in Ponyville at first, and if he wants to come back, he can just walk through that portal.”

Comments

[Vailen]

I loved reading both series... maybe I should read them over again... anyway, should be interesting to see how this plays out.