Any discerning pony could tell you the Heathwarming Eve tale is an allegory for a bygone war. And anypony can figure out that the unicorns and pegasi didn't bother negotiating with a race that can't fly or use magic when you can just kill em...easily
For a first story this is surprisingly excellent. You have my applause good sir, and my upvote and favorite! the story seems to be holding up rather well, I enjoy how you have chosen to portray the Pegasi in a feudal Shogunate society, there are one or two minor issues but they can easily be resolved. Grammar and punctuation seems to be fine if needing a little brushing up in places, but you could pick up the following points:
- Indent your Paragraphs. - Do not capitalize things you want to emphasize, instead put them as a single statement on their own and perhaps if you want to emphasize it more perhaps put it in bolt font, although I don't think that is terribly correct. - More than one exclamation is unnecessary and simply makes you look unprofessional, so in future just use the one exclamation.
7/10, Another chapter and perhaps more stories of the same quality and I will consider watching you in future.
For a first story this is surprisingly excellent. You have my applause good sir, and my upvote and favorite! the story seems to be holding up rather well, I enjoy how you have chosen to portray the Pegasi in a feudal Shogunate society, there are one or two minor issues but they can easily be resolved. Grammar and punctuation seems to be fine if needing a little brushing up in places, but you could pick up the following points:
- Indent your Paragraphs.
- Do not capitalize things you want to emphasize, instead put them as a single statement on their own and perhaps if you want to emphasize it more perhaps put it in bolt font, although I don't think that is terribly correct.
- More than one exclamation is unnecessary and simply makes you look unprofessional, so in future just use the one exclamation.
7/10, Another chapter and perhaps more stories of the same quality and I will consider watching you in future.
EldritchSpires