Learning Curve

by Tidicuses

Chp 5 Letting Go

I had spent two weeks struggling with what Big Mac had said. His words had thrown me into complete mental chaos. What was right anymore? All my previous thoughts were still trying to fight to shine through as the new thoughts swarmed around them. I had tried opening up some more with Fluttershy to try and test what Big Mac had said, but I wouldn't say we were quite friends yet. I needed more time to think everything through and decide which side was right. I needed more time to finally decipher his words.

Unfortunately I didn't really have much time. I needed to figure out if he was right. I couldn't risk missing a chance to find freedom if he was right. But would I be able to give up what I had lived by for so long? Could I just turn my back on my way of life to follow his word? Even if he was right that wouldn't mean I would have to give up everything I know would it? Flying did give me freedom, there was no denying it. The wind through my fur and feathers was a rush of freedom.

I needed time, time that I no longer had as I turned and left my house. Taking to the air, I headed to the clearing from the first flight lessons I had with Fluttershy. I had asked her to meet with me here a few days ago due to the amount of ponies determined to learn who I was and what I was doing. To many had noticed me, and with my mind in the state of war I couldn't handle it.

As I beat my wings moving to the meeting spot I turned my thoughts to the ongoing war within my mind. I had to try and make some sense of it. I needed to determine which of the sides was right, the freedom of flying or this new freedom of friendship. Which one was actual freedom? Was either of the sides freedom? Maybe a mixture of both, or neither. What if there was yet some other foreign philosophy to freedom I had yet encountered. But when I looked down and saw the clearing with the familiar yellow figure sporting her long pink mane and tail I focused on what I had planned for today.

For I had a plan to try and clear my thoughts, and I would need that yellow figure's help.
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I was so relieved when Static asked if we could just stay around the clearing today. To be honest I was getting exhausted from the suddenly rigorous lessons he'd been giving me. But there seemed to be something troubling him, I could see it on his face. Whatever it was had been there for two weeks. He'd not been himself lately, with most of his passion for anything seeming to have disappeared.

It was sad to see him this way, especially when he flew. After having seen how much passion he had for flying, looking at him fly now was nothing even close to before. But even though he had lost interest in many things he did seem to gain some amount of interest in becoming an actual friend with me. He had opened up some and shared some his ideas and beliefs. He had, on occasion, tried having friendly conversations with me, but these moments were few and rather awkward. But their was something about the way he acted, doing anything, that just wasn't normal. He was always lost in his thought.

I knew that I should ask him about what has been troubling him, it's just I couldn't find the nerve to do it. Even after having known him for three weeks and managing full conversations with him and my shyness only interrupting me once in a while, I couldn't bring myself to ask about it. But I needed to. What if there something serious troubling him? What if I had done something? He never normally stays in town long he said before. What if he was leaving soon? Who would show him friendship then?

"I'm going to get a drink." His deep voice snapped me out of my thoughts, as he got up and walked to the stream. I began working myself up some. Applejack and Rainbow Dash don't get this psyched out. Twilight may have moments where she panicked, but in the end she would always try to find a rational solution. As he walked back and sat in the grass I readied myself and asked.

"Is....there.. something..umm.. bothering you?" I nearly smacked myself as I tucked my head into my mane on instinct. Why did I have to let my shyness get me now? Of all times.

"Huh?" He turned his head seeming to snap out of a daze. "Oh...no..I..I'm fine." He looked down at his fore hooves then thumped the grass. He shut his eyes keeping his head down. "Actually yes. Something has been bothering me and I need your help."

I almost fell over at the chance. I could be a true friend to him right now This could be my chance to actually show him friendship. I nodded my head for him to go on as he lifted his head, opening his eyes.

He gave me the chance to be a friend and I was going to be one.
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When I saw her nod I knew there was no turning back now. But I didn't really won't to, this was a chance to clear my mind. And I planned on taking the opportunity.

"Well lately I've had a lot on my mind. Do you know why I originally started giving you fling lessons?"

"To make me a better flyer, right?" She seemed a little puzzled as she practically asked me if that was the reason.

"Well kinda. See I had the belief that flying was the only way to really reach true freedom. And when you said you weren't the best flyer I thought that maybe if I showed you what it was like you would see things my way."

"I see. But you said you had that belief. did something change?" She seemed so much more in control then I had ever seen her when we talked. It was like she was determined to help me with my problem.

"Well somewhat. That's where the problem is. When I went and spent time with Big Mac he told me something that I would have never thought of on my own. I've always loved freedom, as I've told you before, and I believed that Friends, jobs, and places served as ties that would hold me down and keep me from freedom. But he said that because I refused to allow myself to open up to friends that I was chaining myself to my lifestyle. He said I wouldn't get to experience true freedom until I opened up and made friends." I watched to see anything that might tip me off of what she was thinking. Her face was virtually unreadable. "What do you think?" she took a moment to answer

"I think he has a point. Friendship has something about it that seems to help ponies with their problems. Maybe he's right."

"But does that mean that I was wrong the whole time? I've always believed friendship to be the opposite of freedom. How can I be certain that it will show me freedom?"

"You can't really. You will just have to try. But if I may ask, what made you think of freedom the way you do?"

"Oh..Umm.. I don't know.. just always have thought that way.." I knew it was not true and the look on her face told me she knew it wasn't the truth either. I just wasn't ready to admit yet.

"That can't be all there is to it. something had to make you think this way. what is it?" The way she acted in the situation made her nothing like the shy mare she was. I don't know why she was so determined to try and help me.

"It... it's personal. It has to do with my past." Why was I say these things. I didn't intend to tell her these things.

"Static. What is it?" Her voice was so soft with the question. Finally it clicked why she was acting this way. She wanted to be a friend. A true friend. I knew that she just wanted to be a friend, to show me friendship. I knew I had to finally open up.

"It happened when I was still young. My parents and I were just settling into a new house, sitting on the other side of canterlot's mountain. We had finally moved all of our things into the somewhat secluded house. My dad had always wanted to live near Canterlot but not actually in it. I remember I was playing outside with a friend of mine who lived in Canterlot, his family had been traveling and stopped for a rest. I heard a scream from the house and flew back in to see what it was.

"When I got back inside I saw what had happened and was mortified. My friends parents lied on the ground hoof cuffed as a royal guard stood over them. I had no clue where he had come from, but my mind was anywhere but on the criminals or the guard. My mind was focused on my dad who was weeping over my mom as she laid lifeless on the floor. His parents were killers who had taken the life of my mom." A single tear ran down my face as I recalled that night. I never shared it with anyone, and never spent time thinking about it. I wanted it to have never happened. I wanted to forget all about it.

"After that night my dad was never the same. he wouldn't do anything any more and stopped eating. He wouldn't so much as look at me because I reminded him of my mom. Then one day he told me he just wanted to be free of his torment and flew off. I've never seen him since. Since that day a part of me has always thought that he flew to find his freedom form the pain he felt. And I thought that his leaving was a way to escape everything. Something about the way he left told me the reason why he did. He flew off to escape his pain, to escape me." It wasn't even the fact that my mother was dead that caused my tears to flow. I had learned since that day that death happens, I knew she was flying in better skies. But the fact that my dad had left to try and escape dealing with me had hurt so much. Something must have been wrong with me to drive him away.

"I think I understand now. You fly away and never attach to anything to avoid rejection. You think that if your father left you everything else will to, so you leave first. I understand now." Fluttershy's voice was scarcely above a whisper but her words rang through my thoughts, calming them. "Static not everything or everyone will leave you. I know that your dad's actions are wrong and hard to understand. But I don't think he left to escape you. He left to try and find peace. And I think inside you just want somepony who won't reject you. But you're so afraid that you will be rejected that you leave before anything can happen. Maybe it's time to let go of what your father did. Don't let his action dictate your life."

She walked over to me and rested a hoof on my shoulder as more tears followed the first. I looked up and saw her face filled with sympathy, and couldn't help myself as the tears flowed freely down my face. She drew me into a hug and I rested my head on her shoulder letting the tears fall into her mane as she comforted me.

"Let it go Static. What happened can't be changed, but that doesn't mean you have to let you past haunt you. You could just Let it go. You will find your freedom if you can let go of the shadows of your father." He voice was so tender, her hug was so soft and gentle, and her words spoke volumes to my aching heart. The war in my mind subsided and all I could think about was soft moment before me. Deep inside I knew her words were true as I allowed somepony to finally get close. My tears slowed as I finally let go of my past.

I knew now that I had made a chain. A chain to the fear of rejection, a chain to my father's action. I also knew that finally I could break that chain and find my freedom. But freedom didn't matter anymore. Freedom wasn't what had broken the chain. Friendship was.

And I had a friend now. A shy yellow mare with a long pink mane and tail. A shy Pegasus who helped me realize just what my chain was and helped me brake it. A mare named Fluttershy, my first friend.

Author's Note:

Wow chapter turned a lot sadder then I had thought. Hopefully anyone reading this will like it. Speaking of people reading my story, hit 100 views :) Thank you to everyone reading. I didn't even expect more then 30 views let alone 100. Thank you to everyone who's been reading and those of you who Favorited it. As always leave a comment telling me what you think, Any ideas/changes you may have, or just to say hey. Still looking for fan art. Any artistically talented readers that have something for me send it to [e-mail] Thanks again everyone and thank you for 100 views.