The Life and Times of a Bit Monger

by KarmaSentinal

Never stand between a mare and her mare

Interest Rate sat comfortably at her desk located in her personal office, which was across the hall from her boss, employer and mentor, Mrs.Cadance who was currently away with her husband. Which left her in her current predicament of managing the company while Cadance was away; being her top and only intern at the moment meant she was given the rare and trusted honor of running such a large enterprise.

She hated it.

It wasn’t the weight or burden of running such a large and well connected company by herself or the issue of making crucial decisions under pressure that could mean saving or destroying the company... it was something much worse. She glanced at the calendar that hung from the wall to her left, paying attention to the huge red circle that dominated todays date.

Just the very sight of the color triggered warning sirens in her mind.

“Why do we even have bonuses in the first place?” Interest Rate asked herself dejectedly. Here she was in the prime of your youth; a young, and powerful mare that should be out living the highlife up and meeting high standing stallions. Yet here she was on a friday with all of these bits, and she was simply giving them away to ponies that’ll just likely turn around and give them back to the company in some form. Why couldn’t they just give the bits to ponies in upper management? Ponies like herself who could use those bits to further invest in the company’s future instead of squandering it on unless items like insurance or health care?

Do these ponies really fall for such a scam that they’ll willing pay a company every month for years on the likelihood they become sick or injured? HA! Maybe she should follow the insurance companies lead since they clearly are doing something right.

Interest Rate sighed once more. If she ever did decide to branch off and leave Gem & Steam it’ll have to be when she was either rich enough to immediately start up and survive an attempted takeover by Cadance, or acquire the funds from Cadance for start up, but become a subsidiary to Gem and Steam. So either strike it out on her own and risk being assimilated by Cadance or play the waiting game until she can save enough capital to eventually buy her company back... either way it looked Cadance would still be her boss, and had all the time in the world.

Interest Rate looked toward the Based Observation and Surveillance System or B.O.S.S camera that perched itself in the corner of her office. It did noting of noted value other than to continue staring coldly at her; like it was just waiting for her to slip up in some shape or form. Basically acting like a tattletale of sorts.

“Smile and continue on working” Interest Rate told herself over and over, trying to return back to the bonuses she was supposed to be mailing out. Her eyes mechanical trailed down the crisp paper that listed everypony that would receive a bonus this year, namely all of them. Each pony’s name had the green numbers next to it that indicated how much each would receive as a bonus; to Interest Rate it all appeared as one massive red number. A number which reminded her of a certain word she had nearly fazed out of her vocabulary...an expense.

Just thinking about the word sent Interest Rate’s heart into a mild panic.

She held a hoof over her beating heart as if to hold it in place while she tried to imagine herself sitting behind Cadance’s desk; a day when she could finally became C.E.O of Gem & Steam. The trick worked and soon Interest Rate could feel her young, earth pony heart finally coming to terms with the usage of that word. She looked up at the camera once more, and of course it didn't show any signs of understanding or any interest in what was happening to her. Only caring if she was doing her job.

“Stupid system.” She mumbled angrily to herself. “I could be having a heart attack and it’ll ignore me unless I was simultaneously giving bits away to the less fortunate.”

Interest Rate once more sighed. In business aspects the B.O.S.S system was simply a marvel of engineering and efficiency, and Interest Rate loved it more than she hated it. It wasted virtually no energy or time in its day-to-day running and she envied it. She had been sitting at her desk since the very early dawn working to mail these bonuses and looking at the clock right now (it read 4:32pm) and she was nowhere near finishing. Hay, she wasn't even halfway to finishing!

Interest Rate once more scanned the document before her, this time actually looking at the green numbers carefully. Her recent complaint driving her new found motivation. If she could just figure this out, she could likely sell two things with one pitch. Her tired eyes looking at each number before darting randomly across the page to different sets of numbers before she began piecing the pattern together.

“That's it!” Interest Rate yelled triumphantly, slamming her hoof down on her desk. The camera payed her no heed as it continued its new mechanical task of staring at the door. Interest Rate didn’t care anymore; she had finally found the perfect solution to freeing herself from her work chains while at the same time saving the company millions of bits in the process. Instead of issuing bonuses based on the amount of years and experience a pony has, she’ll simply issue one flat sum across the payroll; excluding the “important” ponies of course. Meaning a rookie and veteran work would each receive the same bonus, thus saving the company valuable bits!

“Brilliant!” Interest exclaimed once more, clapping her hooves in the process. “I’ll just write a note to the finance officer telling him of the new policy and have the clerks take finish the bonuses before tomorrow. And I wonder how I’m not C.E.O yet with all these amazing ideas of mine?”

With a small shrug, Interest Rate went on to quickly assemble a fresh paper and quill before writing a letter to the Financial Officer detailing her plan and the necessary changes that needed to be in place in the next couple of hours before the tomorrow. It was certainly a lot to do in a short time but it can be done, plus the extra bits saved from the new bonus plan would be massive.

It filled her fickle heart with glee!

Interest Rate finished, sealed and stamped the letter in under three minutes which sadly failed to beat her old record of 2 minutes and 35 seconds, but it had been a long day and besides who was keeping track anyways? Interest Rate carefully placed the letter in her saddlebag as she happily skipped up to her office door. With a quick and dance like twist of her body, Interest Rate gracefully opened the door and left her office in one movement.

With her plan in check and all other duties settled for the day, Interest Rate allowed herself to to hum a jaunty tune as she trotted down the hall toward the elevators. Perhaps if she wasn't humming such a jaunty little tune, Interest Rate might have noticed how the B.O.S.S Cameras were in creepy fashion all locked onto her as she continued down the hallway.

Behind the lens of this mechanical marvel sat the numerous ponies that monitored and tracked the daily progress of the entire company. The basement level of the massive complex was where the Gem & Steam Security Offices and monitoring centers were located. From here the security force monitored and responded to all types of disturbances ranging from common disruptions to massive, out of control riots and alien invasions... the latter being almost non existent sadly.

At one of the several monitoring stations on the level sat a group of 3 ponies, two earth ponies and one unicorn. Each responsible for several viewing monitors at once, always vigilant and ready to act in a moment's notice.

“Uh.. sergeant?” asked one of the earth ponies, never taking his eyes of the monitor that bore his sole interest. His sergeant, a somewhat pudgy, but still imposing unicorn turned her head toward her companion with only slight interest. She lazily eyed him before turning back to the plate of sugary treats in front of her.

“What Follow Up?” she asked more out of boredom than any real interest.

“Uh, well sergeant its... well...er...its Interest Rate.” He stuttered. Cadance knows he could have worded it better, but it was too late.

The unicorn mare violently rose from her well worn chair instantaneously. She’d hit the desk in her ascension from the chair, launching her plate into the air fast enough to hit the monitor above it, causing it to crack. Oh well, she had important matters to attend to.

The mare was upon his station like a dog on food. Follow Up didn't even have a chance to move before she had shoved him out of the way, causing his rolling chair to fall over. He landed with loud thump, letting a painful grunt escape his lips. Follow up lifted himself off the floor slowly since he was still feeling the effects of having the wind knocked out of him. He returned his attention to his work station to find his sergeant had commandeered it; all in the name of security of course!

“Sergeant Firewall its not what you think! I swear its not what it looks like either, but it does involve..”

“My little Interest Rate. Is that who its involves Follow Up?” Firewall’s voice dropped in tone to the point of sounding creepy and a bit like his mothers for some odd reason.

“Were you... staring at her flank!?”

“No! Of course not! I just...” He was cut off once more by his crazy, possessive boss.

“Just what? Enriching your sick mind with images of Interest Rate? Only I can admire my sweetie...”

“But she doesn’t even know you! And besides I only was paying attention because she was talking about the bonuses.” Follow Up managed to explain himself. Mentioning the bonuses had the desired effect; Firewall and Job Security looked at him with interest. Firewall was even wagging her tail with excitement.

“Bonuses you say! Is it already that time of the year already? Well out with it Follow Up! What’s our cut of the profits this year?”

Follow up collected himself. Straightening himself a tad bit before continuing. “Well Firewall from what I’ve heard there may be no bonus this year or just a very small one if we’re lucky. “ He took note of how Firewall’s wagging tail had stopped. “ She plans on giving everypony in the company a flat bonus weather or not you're experienced or a newbie... upper management being the exception.”

“Oh my crystals and gems Follow Up you had me scared! I honestly thought we weren't getting our bonus this year and I would have to wait to get my surprisingly accurate looking Intereast Reate crystal golem.”

“Well what about the rest of the company? Don’t you think that’s not fair to them in the slightest?”

Firewall gave the earth pony her best “I really don't care look” before giving in to his plea. “Alright Follow Up, I guess we could do something to save their bonuses, but aren't they already sealed and ready for mailing tomorrow?”

Follow Up nodded. “Yes, they would have but she ended up not finishing them. Interest Rate instead plans on having the Financial Department go back and make edits to the previous checks before finishing the rest. She plans on keeping the dept. until they’re finish with the corrections to make sure the new bonuses are ready by tomorrow.”

“Oh, well this is a problem then. What floor is Interest Rate on... never mind she's on floor 11 right now.” Firewall answered her own question once she recognized the area on the monitor. She lifted herself of the console, rubbing her muzzle in thought while humming to herself. Firewall held this pose for maybe half a minute before her bulb lit up.

“Don’t we have a small checkpoint somewhere around one of those floors?”

“Its floor 12 sergeant.”

“Good. Call them up and have them meet Interest Rate at the elevators, then have them detain her for theft of company property. “

“Theft of what?”

“The letter is written on company marked paper of course! I don’t know if its for business use or personal use but I do know she stuffed it in her saddlebags before fleeing the building.” Firewall then started clapping her hooves together like a school filly. “And I get to be the pony to book her!”

“But that's...” He quickly closed his muzzle once he realized Firewall’s angle. He shrugged. Even if it was another way for her to try and get Interest Rate’s attention then it really wasn't his concern as long as the bonuses were mailed tomorrow morning without the new policy taking place.

Firewall wiped the remaining crumbs of food off her coat before dashing down the hall toward the elevators, leaving the two earth ponies by themselves. Follow Up snorted bemusedly at the crazy, and slightly pudgy mare that was his superior.

“You’ve been pretty quiet the entire time Job Security. Tell me, what’s your take on all of this nonsense? Follow Up asked his companion. Job Security turned around to acknowledge Follow Up, but when he did his muzzle was caked in crumbs from the sugary treats Firewall was eating. The two locked eyes, staring at one another for a full minute while Job Security continued chewing on the candy he had in his mouth. Follow Up leaned his head over to side so he could actually see the bag of treats, which his eyes lit up once he could make out the three distinctive wrapped candies that marked it as “Bon’s Bon Bon”.

His eyes met Job Security's eyes with a pleading look, clearly a tactic he remembered from his foalhood.

“Can I have some?” Follow Up asked in the most appreciative tone he could manage without it coming of as begging... which it still sounded like it.

Job Security looked down at the half empty bag of delicious chocolate coated candy and then up at his co-worker who clearly loved it as much as him and wanted some. Job Security looked up as his co-worker and back down at the bag, needing some time to think about this matter...

He shook his head no.

Comments

[Oneyearwarpilot]

Keep up the Hillarious.