What If? An Alternate Universe Collection.

by Trickquestion

Zap Heads

This alternate universe split at a point unknown, sometime before the episode Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000with a minor mechanical error in the titular machine that sat unnoticed for a great while, causing the parallel timelines to flow almost identically, until a breaking point was finally reached, changing history forever.

What if the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 had a minor technical flaw?

It was recess at the Ponyville schoolhouse, and all the ponies were frolicking about, playing gleefully with their peers. All but two, however.

Diamond Tiara and her crony Silver Spoon had spotted a faint trail of smoke wafting from some nearby trees, and had decided to ditch school to examine it, growing weary of the other "lame" ponies.

What they discovered was a strange contraption indeed. A gigantic, mobile cider still was stopped on a less traveled road through the woods, spitting up smoke. Two unicorns, identical save some facial hair, were attempting to repair the contraption.

"Well brother of mine, I hate to say, but it seems our contraption has gone capluie!" The one without a mustached bemoaned.

"Don't despair brother 'o mine, we know this machine inside and out! We'll have her running in a flash!" The facial haired one declared. He then noticed the two fillies. "Well look at that! Two filly friends have stumbled upon our stalled contraption!"

"And just who do you think you are?" Asked Diamond Tiara, assuming from their cutie marks they were more Apple family members.

The duo cleared their throats, then began their greeting, with much gusto.

"He's Flim!"

"He's Flam!"

"We're the world famous FlimFlam Brothers!"

"Traveling Salesponies nonpareil!" The two exclaimed with a florioush.

Diamond Tiara simply stuck her nose up at the two. "Hum, well I'll tell you my daddy is a better salespony then both of you put together."

The brothers gave each other a knowing look. "Well little filly, we'd be quite honored to meet your daddy." Flim stated.

"We have a business proposition that could make your daddy very rich, and leave you the envy of all your little classmates." Flam added.

Diamond Tiara rubbed her chin with her hoof in thought as the brothers continued grinning.

Later that day, the two salesponies had been joined by local tycoon Filthy Rich, who was eyeing the machine skeptically. "So this is the..."

"Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000!" The brothers declared together.

"Allow us to demonstrate!" Said Flam as he levitated a lone apple into the machine. After some huffing, puffing and a touch of magic, a mug of sparkling cider was poured and prepared.

"Drink up, this one's on the house!" Coaxed Flim as he passed the mug to Filthy Rich. After eyeing it for a moment, the rich pony drank up, eyes sparkling at the taste.

"I must say boys, your invention lives up to your hype." He stated while removing a Zap Apple from his bag. "Now let's try on of these."

"On the double!" Flim and Flam said together will setting up the machine.

"While our machine runs its course, how about we talk money?" Flim stated. "In exchange for exclusive use of our invention, we want 75% of all cider profits."

"No deal." Stated Filthy Rich bluntly. "I have to purchase the apples second hand, and those Zap Apples come in very limited stock, plus I'm losing the money from the jam we usually make with it. I need an 80% cut to keep things profitable."

Apprehensive looks crossed the brother's faces just as the machine finished filling the mug. The Zap Apple Cider looked like liquid rainbow, and seemed to glow with an inner light. Filthy Rich trotted over to sample the strange new concoction. "I'm not even sure if this will taste good..."

After tasting just one drop, the business tycoon stopped as his eyes widened. The FlimFlam brothers became wrought with worry...

Only to become smugly triumphant as Filthy Rich began to down the Cider as quick as he could. "Now, about our shares..." Flam began, but stopped when he noticed Filthy was completely focused on the cider. With his magic, Flim pulled it away.

"Easy there my fine fellow, you're spilling more then you're drinking!" He warned.

Filthy Rich didn't seem to hear them. His eyes were focused totally on the half empty mug, and his mane was standing on end. "Yes.. Very good... Kindly return my cider." He stated in a voice that made it clear all his self control was just barely keeping him from taking the drink by force.

Film and Flam got very sly looking at this. "But first, business." Flam stated, moving the mug behind him, taunting the now desperate for more Rich with the distance.

"It's impolite to to drink a toast before the deal is finalized, after all. We can all have a cold one when a deal is arranged." Flim drawled on, speaking slowly to further torture the business pony. "Does a... Oh, I don't know... 95% and 5% split in our favor sound reasonable?"

Filthy Rich spastically nodded his head. "Yes, that sounds fine. Let me have some more cider!" He uttered before rushing at Flim. Flam, however, held him back while levitating some forms and a pen in front of him.

"Just sign this legally binding contract, and then we can all knock back a cold one to celebrate." Within moments, Filthy Rich's signature was scrawled across the contract. Remarkably, it was still readable. Flam nodded to his brother.

"Drink up buddy 'o mine." Flim stated while handing over the mug. As Filthy Rich sucked up the cider like a vacuum, the brother looked at each other.

"Brother of mine, we've just hit a gold mine."

That afternoon, in the Ponyville town square, everypony was gathered around to see the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 and a booth that had been set up in front of it.

"PONIES OF PONYVILLE!" Called the FlimFlam brothers together.

"Do you like Zap Apples?"

"Do you like Apple Cider?"

"Well then come on down and try the world famous FlimFlam brother's latest...

"Greatest..."

"Ground breaking!"

"Earth shaking! "

"One of a kind..."

"Limited time offer..."

"DELUXE ZAP APPLE CIDER!"

*Dear readers, due to lack of talent on the part of the author, no catchy song will be inserted here. Please think one in your head, if you are inclined to do so*

Once the catchy song had ended, everypony was interested in this new product, ESPECIALLY four sour apples.

"Now hold on just a cotton-picking minute youngsters! Where in tarnation did you get Zap Apples? Sweet Apple Acres has an exclusive contract with Filthy Rich!" Demanded an irate Granny Smith.

Flim and Flam exchanged looks of mock confusion. "Do you now?" Flam asked rhetorically. "He made no mention of an exclusive deal when he signed over his entire Zap Apple supply to us. Did he mention such a deal, brother of mine?"

"I do not believe he did, brother of mine." Replied Flim, who the displayed the contract they had signed with the businesspony. "Seems we aren't the only ones to make a deal with Filthy Rich, who I have no doubt will show up sooner or later."

"Slow down there Granny. Once Filthy Rich gets here, we'll sort this out." Applejack states.

"Eeyup." Added Big Macintosh.

"We apologize if we've stirred up a ruckus." Flim stated in a voice that almost sounded sincere.

"Why don't you try a tall glass of our brew, on the house!" Flam added while sliding a full glass to Granny, who accepted it with angry muttering.

After one gulp, just like Filthy Rich, she too became crazed with desire for more cider. Do to Granny Smith's arthritis racked joints, she ended up dropping it into the dirt, which was quickly shoveled into her mouth in an attempt to savor every drop. The three other Apple Family members had to drag away the old woman until she could regain her senses.

After a moment of stunned silence, Flim called out "Well, you've heard it from the mare's mouth, so come and get a drink!"

A line sprang into existence instantly, as everypony wanted to try a bit of the seemingly magic brew. Everypony was instantly hooked, and many rushed desperately for home once they realized they didn't have money for seconds.

After everypony drank to their gills (different ponies had different tolerance levels) they rushed about the town, bursting with energy. Twilight was teleporting about randomly, playing hide and seek with an imaginary monster, Rarity was tossing paint cans (unopened ones at that) at buildings to make them more fabulous, Rainbow Dash was cracking Rainbooms across the sky, and Pinkie Pie (who ironically got NO cider, just saw everyone being weird and decided to join in) was playing pin the tail on the pony with real ponies.

Things got really outta control when Derpy started hopping up and down on a cloud, sending lightning bolts everywhere, destroying buildings and causing fires.

Filthy Rich suddenly trotted through the madness, his daughter frantically at his heels. "But daddy, you can't sell my tiara, it's how I got my Cutie Mark!"

Rich spat the tacky head ware on the FlimFlam brother's table. "Not now honey, daddy needs his cider!" He yelled, then tried to address the brother's politely. "Hello, how much cider will this get me?"

"It'll get you... Our last one." Flim stated while holding out the last mug of Zap Apple Cider. Filthy Rich handed over the tiara over the protest of his daughter and chugged it before passing out in te street.

Flim and Flam looked around. Ponies were rioting, the town was destroyed, their supply was empty but their money bags were loaded with dough.

"Well, it seems we've run out of product, brother of mine." Flam declared.

"And these ponies seem to be getting a bit agitated." Flim replied. They both paused.

"Next town?"

"Next town."

And so it was that the duo left a trail of destruction behind them.

Reports reached Canterlot within the day that everypony in Ponyville had gone crazy and destroyed the town. Fearing it was her student, Twilight Sparkle, misusing magic again, Princess Celestia teleported to the town in a flash a light.

All the buildings were ruined, most ponies were passed out, save for the Apples, who were trying to keep Granny Smith from eating dirt, Diamond Tiara, who was curled up into a ball and crying over his most prized possession and reason for living, and Silver Spoon, who was comforting her utterly destroyed friend.

The Princess sighed.

"Zap Heads."

Nobody ever caught up with the FlimFlam brothers, though rumors persist they now sell monorails in Zebra country. Celestia instituted a mandatory rehab program, and with time, everypony eventually bucked their addiction. Nopony could ever stomach the taste of cider of any kind from that day forth however, and Granny Smith never got her new hip due to lost sales.

One must always pay careful attention to details, for while the outcomes of a choice may appear identical or insignificant at the time, great rewards or great peril can arise further along in a parallel world. For want of a single nail, an entire town, could be lost

Comments

[Suomibrony]

Well, this was dark, but no as dark as the preceding chapter/story.