I'm getting fired at a planet, that's your plan. I get fired at a planet and expected to deal with it

by Timelord12

The Statistical Probability Of Returning Home

"Zero to none" the large pony standing in front of me said, "I'm truly sorry, but you cannot ever go home."
My face fell in a spectacular rendition of how bits of icebergs melt in the spring.

A few hours ago---------------------------
"You are going to meet Princess Celestia, so please be on your best behavior." Twilight said, as I rolled my eyes and replied with an equal amount of pleading, "But I only actively tried to destroy the library once, and the others, you reAALLY, should have locked the laboratory door, be glad I was only mixing Windex, or else the tree would be cinders by now." The Windex thing only took place because I wanted to actually see out of the windows, not see a pretty good Rainbow Dash impression on the glass. Twilight, the buzzkill she is, rejected my idea, so I tried to mix some anyways. I must have picked up the chloroform instead of chlorine, because the next thing I remember from that day is having Twilight snuggled up to my chest, softly snoring and lightly twitching. When I woke her up, she randomly hugged me and started crying. Anyways, the train pulls into Canterlot Station(ponies with trains, trains! I mean seriously.). We disembarked, and I was led into a magical version of a metal detector, only they had horns, not wands. After I gave up my watch, on good promise to keep it wound and safe, our group headed into the city proper. I was instantly reminded of The Emerald City, only not green in any way, actually, forget The Emerald City, that was a horrible example. It just wowed me. I was led by the assembled orbital friendship beam spam cannon operators into a very "palace-y" building to wait for the head honcho to see me. We got there at around 10:45 AM.
10:50
"Where are all the hopelessly out of date magazines? This is not a proper waiting room." I complained, to no avail.
11:00
Twilight went first. "Where is Celestia? Perhapsadragongother,orherchariotcrashedintothesideofthemountain,or,or,or..." She started flailing. Then she started to hyperventilate, twitch, and her mane sprung a bit more out of place with each twitch.
11:30
Pinkie was next. The first I noticed, after leaving Twilight a twitching, slowly sobbing wreck, was her mane. It was flat. Usually, Pinkie's mane was a floppy, curly mess, hence the nickname "Floppy Doodle Doo", but now it was straight as a rail, and really long. She opened her mouth, and when she spoke, her voice was devoid of its usual cheer. "What's gonna happen to us? Will we all end up like Twilight? A twitching wreck in a corner?"
"No" I replied, "I won't let that happen." But I was beginning to wonder.
11:34
I was last. The first thing I figured out, was that everything had perceptibly slowed down, next, I felt my eye start twitching. When I was about to go full on insane, the door we had been waiting in front of for the last few hours opened. Time sped up, my eye stopped twitching, and Twilight and Pinkie went back to normal. We entered, and I got my first glimpse of Celestia. She towered above the others, but I was eye to eye with her, maybe she was a few centimetres taller. Her eyes, though, they caught my attention. She looked around 30 in human years, maybe 31, but her eyes were so old it hurt to see so much pain in those eyes. I felt like a fool for asking this, but I soldiered on anyways, "Your Majesty, if I might ask a question of you?" Then I stopped, waiting for an answer. She nodded yes, and I continued, "what are the chances of sending me back to my old life, on Earth?" Her face got really sad, and she spoke, "Zero to none, I'm truly sorry, but you cannot go home."
After my face fell, she added "However, as the walls haven't closed fully yet, I can send letters." I wrote them up, she sent them off, and we left. As we were getting on the train to Ponyville, Twilight suddenly spoke up " thank you. For being so respectful of the Princess." I nodded and sat down on one of the benches in the train. At 1:00 on the dot, as the train began to pull out of the station, I remembered something, "My watch!! Stop the train!!!!!!!"

Comments

[Xavven]

Timelord12 I have a question the story is fine by me but your name has a 12 are there 11 others or is this your twelth regeneration P.S. Did i spell twelth right? or is it tweflth argh the choices!

-Xavven

[Timelord12]

I named the account "Timelord12" because everyone who knows me calls me The Twelfth Doctor (to answer your question, I believe it's spelled twelfth, but I'm not sure) because I am not Matt Smith, I'm The Twelfth Doctor. Hope that helps a bit.

[Rain_Bow_Dashie]

Keep going!!!