Sophistication, experimentation, and inebriation

by Rhodesm96

Chapter 1 - In which cats are wierd

Positive Charge stood at the Ponyville train station, eagerly awaiting the arrival of his cousin, Shadow Cabinet, from Trottingham. Positive was a light green Unicorn pony with a long, messy, brown mane and tail, piercing blue eyes, and a black stylised atom as his cutie mark, proudly declaring his special talent in the field of physics. Having graduated Trottingham University with flying colours, he had moved to Ponyville for its quieter, more relaxed nature when compared to the general hustle and bustle that was Trottingham.
Not that home didn't have its advantages, but for Positive, his gaze was always set to the horizon, always moving forward.
Speaking of horizons, he thought he spied the train arriving from Trottingham, bearing his much-missed cousin ever closer to him. They hadn't seen each other in years, and Positive found himself wondering if his cousin had changed at all in the time they’d been apart…

  

As the train rolled into the station; he had an idea and snuck through the dense crowd of ponies waiting to receive their expected guests so that he was hidden among them. The ponies that had arrived on the train began to file out, Positive Charge watching from his hidden place among the other ponies observing them quietly.
Soon, he found the one he was seeking: A light grey Pegasus pony, standing on the platform with his suitcase at his hooves, staring at his watch with an annoyed expression. As Positive got closer, he could hear him muttering to himself;
“Dammit, where is that blasted foal? He had better hurry up and get here.” This and other things to that effect were heard, before his muttering was cut short by a green missile crashing into his side and knocking him to the floor.
“CABBY!” Exclaimed Positive as he pinned Cabinet to the floor with the force of his flying tackle, telekinetically locking his wings in place so he couldn’t fly away or buffet him with them. “So good to see you!”
“Get off of me, Positive! Yes, I am glad to see you too, but could you kindly refrain from tackling me in the middle of a crowded train station!” Cabinet yelled.
“It’s not that crowded.” Positive replied, laughing.
Positive gave a confused look at Cabinet who was laying on the platform.
"Hey Cabby, what's with the fancy clothes?" He asked Cabinet with a slight chuckle. In response, he just pushed positive off of him, got back on his hooves, and dusted himself off.
"I appreciate the welcome party there cousin, and as I said, it's nice to see you." Cabinet replied, smiling, “There are a lot of things I need to tell you! But can it wait till we get to your house? I’m pretty thirsty.” Positive nodded enthusiastically, very excited to hear what his cousin had been up to all these years.
"Then there's not a moment to lose!" Cabinet said as he trotted over to his briefcase, but before he could pick it up, it became surrounded in Positive's telekinetic grasp as he yanked it away.
"You're right! Stop being so slow!" Positive yelled, galloping off down the platform, dodging in and out of the plethora of ponies collected on it.
"Oh that son of a mule!" Cabinet shouted, hoping Positive could hear him over the many conversations taking place. He then spread his wings, and shot off after Positive, flying above the crowded platform. Positive was already off of the platform and was galloping down the dirt road that went to his house in Ponyville.

  

Cabinet was gaining on Positive as they reached the centre of town.
“Gotcha!” Exclaimed Cabinet, as he swooped down to grab his suitcase, only for it to be yanked away at the last second. Cabinet was not as quick to change course though, and was sent careering into a large tree. Looking up, he saw that it had a balcony built into it.
“What, why?” He managed to say through the splitting pain his head.
“Oh horseapples, sorry cus, are you okay?” Said Positive, trotting slowly up to his downed cousin.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine, just a little bump.” Said Cabinet, as the door built into the base of the trunk swung open, catching him in the head again.
“OW!” He exclaimed.
“Oh, sorrysorrysorrysorry!” said the purple alicorn crouching beside him. “I thought I heard a bang, so I came outside to check what it was. I had no idea you were just outside the door!”
Another Pink mare followed the purple one out of the door, grinning, as a cyan pegasus swooped down, apparently to laugh at him.
“Aw man, that was hilarious! You were all ‘whoosh’, and then you were all ‘thunk’, and then Twi opened the door and you were all ‘ow’, and oh, that was just really funny! …Who are you anyway?”
“What, Cabby?” asked Positive, who had been giggling along with Rainbow Dash at the sight. “He’s just my cousin, come to visit from Trottingham. Which reminds me, Pinkie, can I talk to you for a sec?”
“Sure Possy, whatcha want to talk about?” Chirped Pinkie Pie as they walked around the corner of what Cabinet now realised was Ponyville’s library. Well, Positive walked. Pinkie kind of bounced.
“Cabby? That’s an odd name.” Remarked Twilight as Positive and Pinkie disappeared around the corner.
“Actually, it’s short for Cabinet.” Cabinet explained as he got to his hooves, dusting himself off as he did so. “Shadow Cabinet is my full name, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He smiled, extending a hoof toward Twilight, which she took and shook with a gasp.
“Really, ‘Shadow Cabinet’, that’s your name?” sniggered Rainbow, about to burst into another fit of giggles before Twilight cut her off.
“Rainbow! Be more polite! This is the Prime Minister of Trottingham we’re speaking to!”
“Say what now?” Deadpanned Rainbow Dash.
“Well, I must say I am surprised you recognised me merely by my name, although of course I know who you both are. As the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, and one of the princesses of Equestria, I must say that you have quite the reputation, and that it’s an honour to meet you in person.” Cabinet responded.
“Hold on a second here, Twi. Are you telling us you just slammed a door into the head of one of the most important ponies in Equestria?” Asked Rainbow innocently.
“I thought she just hit Cabby here with the door? Did you manage to attack more ponies while we were gone? Just not your day is it, Twi?” Chirped Positive as he returned with Pinkie from behind the library, having only caught the latter half of what Rainbow had said.
“Hang on a second here” Interjected Twilight before he could rib her further “You actually have no idea what your cousin does for a living, do you?”
“Well, he’s a…” Said Positive, craning his neck to look at his cousin’s cutie mark, a symbol of a portcullis topped by a crown. “Gate… maker… guy?” He grinned sheepishly.
“Close” replied Twilight, her voice laced with sarcasm. “He’s the Prime Minister of Trottingham, actually.”
Positive was surprised, to say the least.
“Say what now?” he said.
Pinkie, however, was even more excited than before, and actually proceeded to bounce on the spot.
“Oooh, so that’s why my Pinkie sense has been acting up all morning!”
Cabinet looked at her with a confused expression, and was about to question her when Positive threw a hoof around his neck and began to lead him away.
“Lesson numero uno of living in Ponyville, cus.” He elaborated.
“Never apply logic to Pinkie Pie.”

  

They managed to reach Positive’s house without any more trouble. Once inside, Positive flicked on the lights with his magic, and swept a hoof out before him to show off the room they had entered into.
“Voila, Casa del Charge. After you, milord” Positive said in mock sincerity, not quite managing to conceal a smirk.
“Hilarious, Positive. Now why is it such a tip?”
Empty cans of cola and various other soft drinks littered the coffee table in the centre of the room, a blue stain covered one of the cushions of the sofa it was in front of, and half of a cupcake was on a coaster next to the radio in the corner of the room.
But what really caught Cabinet’s attention was the orange mass that sat in the middle of the floor, only about three feet in front of them. Horrified, he watched as the thing began to move toward him. He must have been making a noise, because Positive started to laugh when he saw what he was staring at.
“Aw, are you scared of little old Creepy? Don’t worry, he doesn't bite...” Positive leaned uncomfortably close to Cabinet and said in an ominously deep voice “…Unless provoked.”
He then began to back off toward the one tidy thing in the room, the bookshelves, although he didn’t break eye contact until he reached it.
“Anyway, I want to show you the cool room.”
“One thing first, though.” Cabinet interrupted “What exactly is that? Creepy, I mean.” He dared another glance at the creature, but saw that it was nowhere to be found. He kept glancing around, trying to spot it, but to no avail. “It looked somewhat feline, but I have a feeling that isn't the whole thing.”
“Well, kind of a long story there, mate.” Positive turned away from the bookshelf, and instead opted for the comfy chair next to the sofa. Cabinet followed, careful not to sit in the blue stained area, whatever it was from.
“You’re kinda right there, Creepy used to be a normal cat. Can’t remember what I used to call him before the incident, but now, Creepy just seems to suit him.”
“Hold on, what incident?” Interrupted Cabinet.
Positive glared at him.
“I was getting to that.” He deadpanned, pointing an accusing hoof at Cabinet. “Just ‘cause you’re the big fancy Prime Minister now, doesn't mean you can go around interrupting folk.
“Anyway, like I was saying, one day I was in the lab and Creepy kinda wandered in. He started sniffing around at some of the stuff I had on one of the benches, and knocked it all over himself, dumb animal.
“Anyway, that naturally sent him flying around the room, as if that was going to get it off of him. In the process, he managed to jump right in the way of my magic as I was experimenting with spider silk, to see if there was an artificial method of producing it. Anyway, next thing I knew spider was gone, Creepy was orange and weird, and I'm laying on my ass from some kind of explosion I couldn't remember happening. Blew up half my good lab equipment too.”
A soft hissing from behind Cabinet made him jump, and he span to see something staring at him from the end of the sofa, with an orange coat and holy hell four eyes? Yes, as he looked again, he saw that Creepy did indeed have two extra eyes jutting from its forehead.
“Little bugger has always had quite the penchant for mischief. After that, he ended up with an extra pair of eyes, and that’s not all. Watch.” Said Positive, rising to his hooves. He picked up a small ball from the table and levitated it up above Creepy. Creepy eyed it up, and then pointing its rear end upward, shot a fine thread from the end which stuck to the ceiling. He pulled himself along it until he was level with the ball, then swiping it with a paw knocked it at Positive’s face.
As the ball collided with Positive’s face, Creepy dropped back down to the side of the sofa and settled down to sleep, a smug look upon his face. Cabinet slowly turned his head back to Positive, wide eyed and mouth agape.
Positive merely chuckled and rubbed his face.

  

After the whole incident with his cousin’s freaky cat, Cabinet decided that he needed something to drink. He trotted through the adjoining door to the kitchen from the living room and was slightly surprised when he saw that it was actually neat and ordered, unlike what he’d seen of the rest of the house.
He began to look through the cupboards to try and find a glass. The first one he tried was, bizarrely, completely empty. The second held various plates and dishes, not quite what he was looking for. The third was full of alcohol. He was tempted, but decided to avoid the liquor for now. As he reached for the bit of the final cupboard, he was distracted by Creepy dropping from the roof on a thread to his eye level, about an inch from his muzzle. Great, the blasted thing could apparently walk on walls and ceilings now. As if it wasn’t weird enough already.
Creepy continued his descent, barely sparing Cabinet a three eyed glance, and alighted upon the central table. Cabinet once again attempted to reach for the bit on the cupboard, but was interrupted by Positive.
“No!” Positive said sternly, walking into the room.
Cabinet halted, before realising that he was only talking to Creepy.
“No cat-spider-thingies on the table! Bad!”
Cabinet rolled his eyes at the display as Creepy mewed pitifully. Finally managing to open the door without any further interruptions, he took a glass and held it under the tap, turning it on with his hoof. When it was full, he turned to the bizarre sight of Creepy hanging by a thread a few centimetres above the table, and Positive staring at him sternly.
“Um… what exactly are you two doing?” queried Cabinet.
“No, not on the table.” Positive muttered under his breath, his attention still completely focused on the creature. Creepy lowered himself a fraction of an inch, his leg getting closer to the table. Cabinet raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t you touch that table.” Positive said. Creepy lowered himself further, his leg scant millimetres away from the table. Cabinet actually found himself interested in the exchange as he took a sip of his water.
“Don’t you do it!” Positive actually raised his voice a little. Cabinet leaned forward expectantly. Creepy seemed to hang motionless for a second, before lowering his paw firmly onto the table.
“Ah, you did it.” Positive remarked with finality, before grasping the animal in his telekinesis and shoving him into the previously empty cupboard.
“Oh, so that’s why that was empty.” Cabinet remarked before heading back into the main room.
He stopped in the doorway, causing Positive to bump into him as he followed him out.
“And we’re stopping because…?” He asked.
Cabinet stepped forward out of the way as Positive walked past him into the now miraculously tidy living room.
“It’s clean. When did that happen?” He asked. It was, too. The cupcake was gone, all the litter was nowhere to be seen, and the cushions had even been turned over to hide the stain.
“Hey, not all commoners are filthy plebeians you know.” Remarked Positive.
“Do you have any idea what that even means?” Cabinet asked. “A plebeian is-” He began, but was cut off by a loud “Yeahcoolbye” from his cousin.
Cabinet sighed. “Well, I’m pretty tired from the train ride so I’m going to take a quick nap.”
“’Kay. You can have the guest room on the right, if that isn’t too mundane and commoner-like for you.” Was heard from upstairs as Positive ascended.
Cabinet groaned. “Thanks.” He said sardonically. “I’m just going to nap on the couch for now though.”
Cabinet collapsed onto the warm cushions and let sleep come to him, planning only to sleep for a few minutes.

Author's Note:

Alright, this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction, so be brutal. Let me know what's fucked up and what needs changing.

Comments

[CometTail]

Let's start.
1. ponycreator image. This get's down voted alot and is a red flag for readers.
2. You need to learn to give a new person a paragraph while speaking. It then get's confusing to readers.
3. Add a little more description. I'm not a grammar Nazi but I am a Description Nazi. Add more detail to surroundings. Is it raining, is the sun shining? I really don't know.
Overall I give you a 6/10 overall. Not the best not the worst.

[Rhodesm96]

2595885 Thanks, I needed that.
I really couldn't think of what else to put as the cover image. Maybe I should just leave it blank for now?

[V-Pony]

Some tips: Try not to throw out an entire character's full description all in one go; it's kinda lazy and un-inventive. Introduce their physical features gradually, example: say what his messy brown mane DOES, rather than what it IS (example: "the wind kicked up his messy brown mane," instead of just saying "he had a messy brown mane). It's less straight-forward and bland.

As CometTail said, more environmental description (although the state of Positive's messy house was good). New paragraphs for each character, and I saw a few typos and missed capitalizations for names. Beyond that though, the dynamic between "Cabby" and "Possy" is interesting, (though I think Creepy stole the chapter)
It has potential. Onwards!