• Published 9th Feb 2012
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My Little Old Republic: The Ord Mantell Deception - AidanMaxwell



Rainbow Dash, Republic trooper, is forced to work with a notoriously odd smuggler named Pinkie Pie.

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Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Avilatin’s Rest Cantina, Ord Mantell

“Pinkie Pie?”

The smuggler awoke with a start to the sound of a familiar voice yelling in her ear and to a rather rough shaking. Her eyes fluttered open to reveal Rainbow Dash, who was standing rather awkwardly beside her bed and looking down with a worried expression.

“Oh, hi Dashie!” Pinkie said enthusiastically, her eyes half open. “What’s up?”

“Pinkie, you were moaning in your sleep,” Dash said quietly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with a hoof. “What happened?”

The smuggler’s ears dropped slightly. “I had a nightmare, don’t worry about it too much.”

Rainbow shook her head and trotted over to the window. The sun was still rising, casting its bright light across the barren, jagged landscape around the fort. Ponies were already scurrying about in the streets below the cantina, unaware of the dazed soldier looking over them. Dash rested her chin against her crossed hooves and sighed.

“It’s a beautiful day,” she thought aloud.

“Yeah, it is,” Pinkie replied from across the room.

“You sure you’re okay?” Dash asked from the window, still staring into the sunrise absentmindedly.

“Yessirrie, Bob!” Pinkie bounced up to her friend and smiled at her. “You ready to go bomb hunting, Dashie?”

“In all honesty, I’d like to go back to sleep. Find a nice cloud up there and leave my armor here in the room.”

“I’d say I’ve had days like that, but I’m not a Pegasus.”

Rainbow chuckled lightly. “Yeah, well, we got work to do. Ponies to save, bombs to find, Seps to kill.” Her head slowly bobbed down further into her forelegs, leaving just a tuft of rainbow colored mane sticking up between her cerulean ears.

Pinkie put a hoof on Dash’s back and rubbed it tenderly. “Aww, cheer up, Dashie. Maybe we can get this mystery solved today and get a nice nap in afterwards!”

“Thanks, Pinkie,” came her muffled reply, “and I’m still sorry about yesterday.”

“Don’t sweat it, Sergeant. We’re friends now, and friends help each other. Which means...” The smuggler put her hooves on Dash’s shoulders and pulled back. “I need to help you by pulling you off this window.”

The trooper groaned as her body was slowly pulled away from its resting position. She slowly lost her balance and fell lazily to the floor behind her, eyes closed in feigned sleep. Pinkie giggled at her friend’s antics before attempting to pull Dash to her hooves, but found the task to be a little harder than she at first thought.

“C’mon, Dashie,” Pinkie laughed. “Let’s get a move on!”

“Five more minutes, mommy,” Dash whimpered lazily, her head bobbing from one side to the other.

“No. Mommy says, it’s time to go!” Then, with a mighty heave, Pinkie pulled Rainbow into a sitting position. The Sergeant blinked up at her drowsily and smiled. Smiling back, the smuggler reached to her friend’s bedside and gathered up the armor plates left unceremoniously in a pile from the night before, handing them to Dash. “Get your armor on, Dashie.”

“Yes ma’am,” Rainbow replied quietly, her eyes half closed. She fumbled with the pieces in her grogginess, but eventually she started to wake up. After she’d fastened her left shin guard, a thought occurred to her. “Oh, Pinkie, you never told me what your nightmare was about.”

“Huh?” Pinkie’s ears fell further than they had the first time, as though she had resigned herself to a death sentence. “No, I didn’t.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Dash offered as she started to adjust her right guard.

“No.” The smuggler stood up and paced to the window, looking out into the street for a brief moment. Rainbow could see pain and sorrow in Pinkie’s eyes, something that had not been present a few moments ago.

“Pinkie, I need you to be on top of your game today,” Dash prodded, poking Pinkie gently with a hoof. “Tell me what’s bothering you so we can do our best with no distractions.”

The earth pony’s eyes drifted slowly up at her friend’s, lingering for a moment before she responded. “I had a nightmare about my friend. The one who got captured by the Seps?”

“Oh, him again? If you want some help finding him after this mess is over-”

“No, Dashie,” Pinkie said quickly, silencing her friend. Rainbow’s words cut at her soul in a way she couldn’t explain, and everything inside her wanted to take the trooper up on her offer. If her friend had died that day, for her, the most undeserving pony of such a sacrifice as his, then she couldn’t face the truth. Her frown resonated a moment longer before the smile she typically wore crept across her face. “It was just a dream. He’s probably okay. Like I said yesterday, he told me not to worry about him, and I intend to follow his wishes. Are you almost done suiting up yet?”

=====

Dash trotted up through the Command Center door and peered around the corner into the briefing room. Twilight was in front of her large computer monitor, anxiously pouring over a report. When the Rainbow stepped into the room, the Lieutenant’s eyes drifted around to meet her own.

“Hello, Sergeant,” Twilight said warmly, smiling happily. “Quick, come look at this.”

She motioned Dash forward with a hoof excitedly. The pegasus cantered over to the computer and looked at the screen, but found herself unable to decipher any of the information. Layer upon layer of data was crammed onto the monitor, with bright flashing lights and constantly moving streams of words and numbers distracting her from reading.

“This monitor’s more clogged than the sink back at the cantina,” Dash said lazily. “Just tell me what it says, and save me a visit to the eye doctor.”

“It says we’ve got a solid lead on our bomb, Sergeant!” Twilight replied quickly. “Bellis had indeed filed all of his information in his fieldbox, and in his final report he mentioned a shipment out to the island. Apparently, they’d received a few shipments that day, but one in particular was much larger than usual, and they had a very large escort guarding it. We believe it’s our ZR-57.”

“Fantastic,” Rainbow said evenly. “Where do I go?”

“Mannett Point, of course. That’s where the island is. Wraith has gone ahead of you to secure a base of operations, so you can find her transponder when you get closer to the objective.”

Dash’s eyes lit up. “Say, since we’re talking about it, Pinkie’s got a friend who got captured by Seps. Do you know if they torture prisoners out on Mannett Point?”

“I wouldn’t know, Sergeant,” Twilight replied thoughtfully. “Our intel is very limited out on the Point, especially since the takeover a couple weeks ago. We lost all our communication with the civilians when the Seps overran the island. If you’re gonna go looking for missing pirates, though, do it on your own time. This bomb is top priority, remember.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Dash said hurriedly. “Innocent lives and all that.”

“You’re dismissed then. The island is just south of the fort.”

The trooper nodded and stalked out of the briefing room. Pinkie Pie was leaning against the door of the Command Center, absentmindedly looking into the clouds.

“Ready to go?” Rainbow asked with a smile.

“Yepperoonie,” the smuggler chirped brightly, snapping to attention. “Lead the way, Dashie.”

“Well, we’re going for a long walk. Can we talk about this mysterious friend of yours?”

“Sure!” Pinkie jumped forward and landed on her front hooves. They walked down the ramp together and started toward the back gate of the fort. “What do you wanna know about him?”

“If he means so much to you,” Dash began, “why not try to find him?”

“I’d rather not,” Pinkie admitted quickly. Her ears dropped again and her demeanor dropped from eager to reserved. “He’s probably not on Ord Mantell anymore, anyway-”

“Don’t you want to know for sure?” Rainbow interjected.

“No! No, I don’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because...” Pinkie’s cheeks started to turn slightly red. She turned her face away in shame as they cantered out of the fort. “...because I loved him, okay?”

“Okay?” Dash screwed up her face in confusion. “No, that’s not okay! If you loved him, then you should go look for him!”

“I can’t, Dashie!” the smuggler squealed. “I don’t want to know. If he’s dead, that is. I couldn’t bear it. He’d been so kind to me, even to the end, and he told me not to worry about him. He knew better than I did that the job comes first.” A single tear emitted from Pinkie’s eyes. “And I can’t get too close to those I love. My line of work doesn’t favor the distracted.”

“Ever considered a new line of work?” Dash grunted disconcertedly.

“The profits outweigh the costs, Dashie. It’s quite a lucrative employment.”

“And yet you’re down a ship and out a good friend.”

Pinkie’s eyes lowered in defeat. “Look, it’s not that I don’t care about him, but I can’t be with him. If he’s alive, then he’ll go his own way. If he’s dead...I’d rather not know. Can you leave it at that, Dashie? It comforts me to think he might be off doing his own thing, alive and healthy.”

The Sergeant shook her head slowly, her eyes closed in disbelief. “Your logic is really flawed, Pinkie Pie, but if you really can’t focus with him on your mind, then I guess we’re done talking about him.”

“Thank you, Sergeant.” Pinkie’s ears slowly lifted up again, and a smile crept across her face. “So, where are we headed, anyway?”

“Weren’t you listening in on the conversation earlier?” Dash asked expectantly. When Pinkie Pie shrugged back at her, she sighed. “We’re going to Mannett Point.”

The smuggler let out a whimper that startled Rainbow slightly. “Wuh? Why?”

“Umm, because that’s where we’re going?” Dash pointed a hoof down the road, and Pinkie turned to see what she was pointing at. Just over a rocky cliff was a large island, stacked many meters high with duracrete buildings and swarming with armed ponies in rugged tan uniforms. Among them, several large combat droids patrolled the streets and the beaches below. “We’re meeting Wraith somewhere on the Point. What’s wrong, Pinkie Pie?”

“Well, I...Remember how I said the Seps had locked me and my partner up on Mannett Point?”

“Yeah?”

Pinkie shifted uncomfortably, looking down at the ground as she spoke. “My escape was far from clean. We had to do some really unfun things. It’s a lot of bad memories.”

Rainbow Dash looked behind her and saw a flat rock laying beside the road. She sat down on it and patted the surface next to her. “Come here, Pinkie Pie. Sit. Tell me everything.”

“Why do you want to know so badly?” Pinkie asked, looking partially afraid. “It doesn’t concern you at all.”

“Because like I said earlier, I want you to be focused on helping me,” Dash said with a smile. “We’re going to save many lives by finding this bomb, and if you’re distracted by this issue, it’s going to be that much harder. And besides, we’re friends, right?.”

At first the smuggler just stared at her friend, frowning slightly, her ears flat against the brim of her signature hat. But after a moment of silence, she stalked over to the boulder and took a seat beside Dash. “Right...friends. Okie dokie.” She sighed, closed her eyes, and put a hoof against her chin.

=====

Streaking lines of blue and white zipped past the cockpit of the cherry red Defender Corvette as it made its way to Ord Mantell. A yellow earth pony tapped his hoof against the console impatiently, grinding his teeth together out of boredom. These longer trips bored him to no end, usually because Pinkie Pie would clam up around him and need to leave the room. She was always so funny around him. He pretended not to notice when she blushed in his presence, especially when he did something kind for her, because he secretly entertained the fantasy that she liked him.

Unexpectedly, the door of the cockpit slid open and Pinkie Pie bounced into the room. Lemon looked up at her and smiled, sliding his hoof back across his tousled mustard mane.

“Evening, Captain,” he said sweetly.

“Oh, Lemony, not so formal!” Pinkie chirped as she the pilot’s chair. “Why aren’t you in this chair?”

“It’s your chair,” Lemon Drop replied. He motioned a hoof toward the door. “Are you hungry, Pinkie?”

“I could eat. Why?”

The stallion stood up from the copilots chair, his long brown coat falling to the floor along with his front legs, and he cantered out of the cockpit. Pinkie Pie realized what he was doing after he had vanished around the corner and put a hoof up in vain to stop him. Then she brought it to her chin and sighed, leaning against the console beside her. A few moments later, Lemon Drop returned with two plates on a tray, each one carefully arranged with a sandwich and slice of fruit.

“Aww, Lemon,” Pinkie sighed as she took the plate from the tray, blushing. “You didn’t need to do that. I could’ve gotten my own food.”

“Nonsense,” Lemon replied, reclaiming his seat across the console from Pinkie. “You hired me to work for you.”

“Yes, but not to wait on me hand and hoof, silly!”

“Well, when it ceases being enjoyable, I’ll stop.” The stallion tapped his hoof against the console, and the machine projected the ship’s onboard navigation chart between them. He traced the route of their ship and determined they were only a minute away from Ord Mantell. “We’re gonna land soon, Pink. What’re we gonna do?”

“Party, of course,” she said aloofly, staring vaguely into the hyperspace tunnel. “Because it’ll be our one hundredth time getting past customs with illegal weapons. We can celebrate being such good smugglers!”

“And what if we get stopped?” Lemon asked with a frown.

“We won’t,” Pinkie reassured, finally tilting her head toward him.

“But this isn’t our old ship, Pink. We had to ‘jack this beauty when we were escaping the law on Quesh. I never had the time to run a background check on this hull, and I barely had the time to change the transponder code to our old one.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine.” She dismissed his concerns with the wave of her hoof. “It’s a Defender, after all. Probably belonged to some uptight Jedi Master or something.”

“Well, it’ll make a great smuggler’s vessel when we get it outfitted,” Lemon conceded. “If it did belong to a Jedi Master, he didn’t leave much on board.”

“Aaaaaactually,” Pinkie started, “I did find some Jedi gear in a secret compartment under the crew quarters. I sold it on the black market before we left Coruscant yesterday.”

Lemon Drop grimaced at Pinkie Pie, who merely shrugged in response. While it was completely on her prerogative to sell whatever contraband she found on the ship they’d stolen, he liked being informed on these things. Jedi artifacts fascinated the young stallion to no end, and sometimes Pinkie undervalued specific treasures in her hurry to make a profit. Lemon served as not only another gun, but also as an appraiser. “And what did you find?”

“Oh, just a set of robes, a lightsaber, maybe a couple little pyramid doohickeys-”

“Holocrons, Pinkie Pie,” Lemon corrected, his voice suddenly rather serious, “and how much did those go for?”

“Oh, a lot!” Pinkie replied through a pleased grin. “I can’t remember, but I got a few thousand for the pair.”

Lemon’s hoof was already sliding down his face. “Pinkie, holocrons are worth hundreds of thousands. You got ripped off, bigtime!”

“But they were empty, Lemony! I dragged all the files off of them and stored them here on the ship’s computers.”

Lemon rapidly moved his hooves across the console and opened all the recent files from the ships onboard computer. Sure enough, two large files entitled ‘glowy triangle thingy’ and ‘slightly more glowy triangle thingy’ sat unaltered in the document file labeled ‘Pinkie’s random junk.’ The stallion chuckled despite the serious face he’d tried so hard to maintain. “Even still, you could’ve gotten at least fifty for them both.”

“Ah well,” Pinkie said quickly. “We all make mistakes. You’re guilty of it, too.”

“Okay, I’ll admit, that mission to Kashyyyk could’ve gone better,” Lemon said apologetically, putting his hoof behind his head with a nervous smile.

“You told that wookie to jump off the tallest Wroshyr tree in the forest, Lemon.”

“I was having a bad day!”

An alarm sounded as the ship started to lurch out of hyperspace. The planet of Ord Mantell rushed into view and grew bigger and bigger with every passing millisecond. For a moment, it appeared that the ship would collide with the heavenly mass, but just when the entire cockpit viewing screen was filled with Ord Mantell, it ceased growing.

Pinkie Pie tapped a button on her personal console, and a female voice emitted from her communicator. “This is Ord Mantell flight control. Please state your identity and business.”

Immediately Lemon Drop began tapping his hooves frantically against the keypad, bringing up several files stored on the ship’s computer in visual holograms. Pinkie looked up at the images displayed between them and winked at her partner. “This is Captain Pikey Pin of the Corellian Defender ‘Saving Grace,’” she narrated. “I’m here escorting Jedi Master...Oh, geez, I always pronounce his name wrong...Ah-too-nah?”

“Master Atuna?” the voice on the speakers repeated. “What brings him to Ord Mantell?”

“Republic negotiations, of course,” Pinkie said matter-of-factly, donning a perfect uptight pilot’s demeanor. “And every second you keep us held up is another second we could be on the surface, trying to restore peace and saving lives.”

“Oh, of course,” the mare on the station quickly corrected. “But you must understand, procedure and everything. Now, Captain, regarding your transponder code-”

“I’m not a very patient woman, Fleet Control,” Pinkie snapped in false irritation. “Master Atuna had to change his transponder recently, and we need not explain to you why.”

“Oh,” came the dismayed reply. “Very well. You’re cleared for landing at docking bay four, Saving Grace. Please enjoy your stay.”

“We’ll try,” the smuggler said evenly before cutting the call. She looked up at Lemon with a huge grin. “It gets easier every time!”

“You’re a very convincing Republic pilot,” Lemon teased.

“Aww, thanks!” she replied with a grin. “And thank you for being so timely with that info, Lemony!”

Lemon smirked, knowing his sarcasm had once again gone over her head.

=====

On the nearby orbital station, a very flustered mare sat behind a console, tapping buttons and making calls to the surface below. A Jedi Master was coming to Ord Mantell to rid it of the Separatists, and preparations needed to be made for his arrival. She was about to patch through to the Republic command center when a sudden error message appeared on her console, alerting her that the transponder of the ship she’d just cleared matched Republic records for a known smuggling vessel. A quick search for the “Saving Grace” turned up a report of a ship hijacking on Quesh not even three days prior.

Immediately she canceled all of her procedures and sent a transmission to the embassy on the planet below. Another mare’s voice answered.

“Commander Spitfire here. What’s the situation?”

“Ma’am,” the mare on the station began, “we just cleared a Corellian Defender to docking bay four, but we just received word that said vessel was stolen from a Jedi Master on the other side of the galaxy three days prior. This Jedi is still on Quesh, but the mare on board the ship claimed to be escorting him to the surface.”

“So we have the smuggler from the Quesh incident on our hooves, eh?” Spitfire’s voice said warily. “We’ll handle this, Flight Control. Thank you for the heads up.”

“We’ll leave it to you, then, Commander. Over and out.”

=====

“Eat your sandwich,” Lemon reminded Pinkie as the ship descended into the atmosphere. The turbulence caused its occupants to jiggle slightly in their seats. “We won’t get another opportunity to eat until we take off again.”

“So how long do we have?” Pinkie asked, picking up the sandwich shakily.

“Until the Republic notices we didn’t land at docking bay four? About ten minutes, absolute max. But we’ll be gone in three.” Despite the majority of his focus being directed on his approach, Lemon barely noticed Pinkie chowing down hungrily on her sandwich out of the corner of his eye. She was devouring it with a ferocity he hadn’t seen before. “I thought you said you weren’t too hungry.”

“I wasn’t!” she exclaimed between bites. “But this is delicious!”

“It’s fresh. I bought some good produce while we were at market yesterday.”

“Thankies, Lemony. I haven’t had a sandwich this good since-”

A siren exploded inside the cockpit, deafening both smugglers as the ship shuddered relentlessly in its descent. Lemon’s eyes snapped to the the console, then up at Pinkie.

“We’re being traced,” he declared. “Signatures read Republic AA guns on the surface.”

“What?!” Pinkie exploded. “They just cleared us! Why would they-”

The Corvette rocked violently to the left, causing Pinkie to throw her plate. Her sandwich landed against the wall and broke apart. A single tear emitted from the smuggler’s eye as another jolt sent a second group of alarms blaring, this time warning the ship’s occupants of a hull breach.

“Pinkie, we’re going down!” Lemon screamed. “Tighten your webbing!”

Snapping back to the situation, Pinkie nodded quickly and reached to her belts, tightening each one individually. Just as the last buckle was fastened into the chair, the nose of the ship skimmed a low mountain and lurched backward. In a sickening frontflip, the Defender lost almost all forward momentum and started a nosedive toward the surface. It slowly turned onto its back and crashed violently into the valley below, devastating the hull. Pieces of the vessel, including the boarding ramp and parts of the engine compartment, had come completely undone.

A few minutes of silence ensued after the crash. Patrols of Separatists nearby rushed to the landing site to investigate, where they heard a mysterious banging noise coming from the ship. The emergency hatch on the top of the Defender shook and rattled until it finally came unhinged and a pink mare fell out of the hole with a loud scream. Just behind her, a wounded yellow stallion jumped to her side and nearly collapsed in pain. Both of them were bleeding in places, and neither of them were armed.

The Separatists observers, realizing there were survivors, moved in with rifles at the ready. They quickly surrounded the two smugglers, who put their hooves up weakly in surrender.

“Please, don’t shoot,” Lemon said weakly. “We’re unaffiliated.”

A bulky stallion in rugged tan combat armor lowered his rifle slowly and laughed menacingly. “Unaffiliated, ya’ say? Scour the wreck, boys!”

Immediately a detachment of the soldiers moved to the smoldering wreck and began crawling into the insides. Lemon and Pinkie watched in horror as they yelled shouts of both surprise and happiness and crawled away from the wreck with their shipment of Republic-grade weapons. The large pony still watching them shook his head with a tragic expression.

“A Republic ship carrying weapons. So much for...” He lifted his rifle back up and pointed it at Pinkie Pie. “...unaffiliated.”

“But we are!” she protested fearlessly. “Honest! We’re just-”

A single shot emitted from the stallion’s rifle, grazing Pinkie’s mane dangerously close to her ear. She squealed in surprise and fear, burying herself in Lemon’s shoulder.

“Shut up!” said the stallion loudly. “Boys, tie ‘em up and drag ‘em back to base. The Republic will want to ransom for their ‘unaffiliated’ weapon delivery -- and their pilots.”

Pinkie was suddenly ripped away from Lemon and dragged back onto her hind end. Just before her eyes were wrapped behind a blindfold, they met her friend’s for a brief moment. His eyes were light, calm, eerily so. It gave her a slight comfort as she went blind, just before a sharp pain in her neck forced her out of consciousness.

=====

When she awoke, Pinkie Pie sat straight up and gasped loudly. Just ahead of her was a wall of durasteel bars, perfectly aligned to deny escape. Lemon sat quietly beside her, holding her hoof in his, and when she turned to look at him, the smile on his face brought tears to her eyes.

“Lemon!” she cried as she again buried her face into him. This time, with her head resting on his chest, Lemon wrapped his other foreleg around her back and soothed it gently. “I’m so scared, Lemony. What’s going to happen to us?”

“When they fail to get a ransom from the Republic,” Lemon answered solemnly, “we’ll be executed. Publicly.”

The mare wailed aloud into his chest, causing him to flinch momentarily. “I don’t wanna die, Lemony! I’m too young, and rich, and beautiful!”

“Yes, I know.”

For a moment, she continued to cry on his chest. When his words registered, however, she lifted her head and stared pleadingly into his eyes. “W-wha?”

“You are too young to die.” His eyes drifted up to the jail wall. “And too beautiful. I have an idea to get you out of here, Pinkie Pie, but you’re going to need to follow my instructions very carefully. Do you understand?”

She put a hoof against his cheek and brought his face around to meet her gaze. “You...you think I’m beautiful?”

“Can we focus for a minute here?” he implored.

“Right, sorry. What were you thinking?”

His hoof slid off her back and down to his hoof, where he reached inside his large leather boots and removed a switchblade handle. It flipped open to reveal an undamaged knife. “Thankfully they didn’t strip us, otherwise we’d be in a tighter spot than I’d like to be in. I’m entrusting you with this knife. You can use it to overpower a guard and take his weapon. Then you need to get somewhere safe, assume a false identity, and get off Ord Mantell however you possibly can.”

“Lemony,” she said behind a sniffle, “what about you?”

“Forget about me. I need to stay here to get you out. Once they realize we’ve escaped, they’re going to lock down this level, and one of us will need to stay behind and activate the override. It’ll give the other a small window of escape before the Seps lock us down again. This is the only way, Pinkie Pie, trust me.”

His eyes were sorrowful, but somehow retained a glow that gave Pinkie some courage. She didn’t want to leave him, not after all they’d been through. “But, Lemon-”

“Pinkie, there’s no time for ‘buts’.” He slowly took the knife and pressed it against his throat. Before she could scream, he lifted it up and away, making a clean cut on his neck. Blood began to trickle slowly down from the incision, but he was still alive and breathing; it looked almost like a suicide attempt. “This is yours now. Call a guard, tell him I killed myself. Then, when he steps inside to investigate, overpower him and escape.”

“Lemon, you can’t!” Pinkie cried. “You’ve done so much for me. I can’t let you sacrifice yourself to save me like this!”

“Don’t worry,” he reassured, pressing his lips against her forehead. “You’re off to bigger and better things. Get away from Ord Mantell. Leave me.”

“Aww, t-that’s not fair...” she choked. “You’re m-making this impossible...”

“Goodbye, Pinkie...Remember me fondly, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Her hoof ran up his back in over his head. She yanked him to her eye level and pushed her lips against his for a brief moment, tears falling down her cheek in sorrow. “Shh,” Pinkie breathed shakily. “Y-you’re dead. Dead p-ponies don’t talk...”