To Be a Princess

by SpiffyPony

Chapter 8

"Wait, are you really going to tell me about this next part? About what you fear the most?" Twilight asked, her eyes widening in anticipation. "Because I would completely understand if you skipped over this part since it's so...private."

Celestia smiled reassuringly. "I appreciate your concern, dear Twilight, but if I am being completely honest, I feel like this is a story about myself that I should have shared a long time ago. For so long, the memory was just too painful to look back on. So...real. But if I am to fully reveal my history to you in the hopes that you might learn something, then this memory, a memory of what I feared most of all, I cannot simply gloss over."

~  ~

As I took my first few steps through the unnerving door in front of me, I was blinded by an unnaturally bright light and was unable to detect anything in front of or behind me. For what seemed like an eternity, my eyes would not adjust to my surroundings...or so I thought. Eventually I realized that the whiteness that surrounded me was not a light at all, but was instead the room itself. The door from which I had entered completely vanished and there was no clear distinction between the walls and the floor. Everything was just white.

For a moment, I almost laughed. Was this really what I feared the most? Being trapped and lost in a white universe of some kind? It seemed like an oddly specific fear and, as I soon figured it out, was not something that I particularly feared. It was surprisingly peaceful walking around this room. Since there was no clear floor, I could walk wherever I pleased without any effort or having to fight against the forces that kept me grounded. It was like being in a dream, one where you can control everything around you. So, for a while I continued to wander around and explore the nothingness that surrounded me.

After some time, I began to question why I was still here. If my original thought really was my fear, then hadn't I overcome what I feared already? Shouldn't I be free to go? While I hoped I would soon be released, a small part in the back of my mind reminded me of how traumatized my friends had been after they had passed. I wasn't through yet.

I attempted to call out to see if anyone else was in here, not caring enough at this point to distinguish between real and imaginary. "Hello? Is anyone else in here? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing."

As soon as I said something, the room fogged up around me, and I found myself in the streets of Canterlot. At first glance, I didn't see anyone nearby, but it clearly had the feel of being in Canterlot. "Huh," I muttered to myself. "I guess I must have passed."

I had just started a path towards the castle when I heard a familiar voice behind me. "Celestia? Oh, how glad I am to have found you!"

I spun around quickly, instantly recognizing the voice as my mother's. "Mom? Is it really you?" I called out as tears welled up in my eyes.

My mother smiled widely, a smile that I saw so rarely, especially now that I was a student of the Princess. I galloped up to her, and she immediately pulled me in to a warm embrace as she held me close to her. "Mom, I have missed you so much! Everything has been so crazy, what with my cutie mark and the Princess and the tests and -"

"Oh, Celestia, I am so proud of you," she responded as she hugged me closer. "You have gone through so much, and look at what you have accomplished! Not only do I love you, but all of Canterlot does too. Look around you!"

"All of...Canterlot?"

I reluctantly broke out of my mother's hug so that I could see what she was gesturing to and saw that the streets of Canterlot were filled to the max with ponies chanting and cheering my name. They praised all of the wonderful things I could do, the kind heart I had for all of my citizens, and my everlasting beauty. My smile was so wide that I was amazed that my head was still intact. All of these ponies cheering for me, loving me...it was the greatest feeling.

"I think you're ready, Celestia," the Princess said as she suddenly appeared beside me.

"Ready for what?" I asked, turning to face her.

"Ready for the position that I have been guiding you and training you for. Ready to be my replacement as Ruler of Equestria," she said, bowing down before me, setting the example for all of the others around me.

"Me?! I...I'm so honored. This is...amazing!" I said, attempting to contain my excitement so I would appear dignified in front of my future subjects.

"Indeed it is, my wonderfully talented student."

I stepped forward to receive my crown, but there was one thought still lingering in my mind. "But what about Luna? And Discord? And even Sombra, I guess... What happened to them?"

The Princess laughed, but it wasn't as upbeat as everything else she had said. If anything, I detected a hint of malice.

"Oh, Celestia, you and I both know that none of them are up to the task of being ruler over this land! Do you think Luna's embarrassing, blundering antics and her disconcerting attraction to the darkness make her a true ruler? And what of Discord, with his childish pranks and inability to take anything seriously? Do you really think he would be a better ruler than you?"

"Well, I - I don't know... I just thought..." I began, but suddenly, I couldn't remember what it was that I thought. All I could see were my smiling, adoring subjects, praising everything about me. There was no way they would be cheering like this if any of the others were ruling alongside me! Or so I convinced myself, at least. "Nevermind. You're right. They never really were as smart as me anyway, always focused on those crazy conspiracies... I am ready to be a Princess."

With a grin of victory, the Princess strode forward to anoint me as the rightful ruler of Equestria. "By the power vested in me -"

But before she could finish, everything went black.

~  ~

Out of the darkness that surrounded me, I only made out two glowing lights in the distance. I tried to step backwards away from them, but no matter how much I moved, the lights only grew larger and larger. Soon they were close enough that I could make out what they were: two glowing eyes.

"How could you, Celestia?" said a voice so warped that I almost could not understand what it said.

"I - I'm sorry? What what was that?"

"You were supposed to be there for me. You were supposed to stand up for me. You were supposed to fight for me."

The voice remained just as warped, but its intensity increased with every word. I turned to the side, hoping to escape, but it was as if the eyes and the voice had completely engulfed me.

"How could you just betray me? I would never have left you! Oh, but that was then. But now? Now that I know what you really think of me? Well, I guess if I'm not good enough to be the sister of the 'Great and Powerful Celestia', then maybe she shouldn't be my sister at all!"

My heart sunk as it finally dawned on me who the voice belonged to. "Luna? Wh - what is going on? Why would you say that?"

"Ha! That's the real question, isn't it? Why would you say that, Celestia?" said another voice behind me. This one was just as loud as the other, but it had a horribly disturbing mocking tone that not only reminded me of Discord, but also made me want to run away to anywhere but here. Wherever I ran, however, a hideous grin followed me on one side with the glowing eyes on the other. "Do you think that you are better than us?"

"No! I never meant that! I just -"

"Completely sold us out so that you could have all of the power to yourself. Plot twist! I mean, I'm no expert on friendship or anything, but..." said the voice of Discord, completely filling my ears to the point of pain.

"It has always been you!" the warped voice of Luna shouted into my other ear. "You have always been the one Mom loved the most, the one that the Princess respected the most, the one with everything! But above all, you were my sister! Well, you know what? Now I know you aren't perfect. Because when it comes to being a sister, you are the worst!"

By now, I could no longer hold back my tears. "How- how can you guys say such things? You are my friends! Truly! I didn't mean -"

Discord's malicious laugh rung through my head. "Oh, so this is how you are supposed to treat friends? Well then, let's start over! Celestia, you are truly the most horrible, selfish, conceited pony I have ever met! I guess now we're friends!"

Luna joined in with his laughter. "He's right! If you aren't going to stand up for me when I need you the most, then you truly are not worthy of my respect! I can't even stand to think of you as my sister."

"Friendship sure is great! I'm so lucky to have such a powerful and adored Princess like yourself as a friend! Why, I wish all of my friends were like you. Oh wait - ha, you are my only friend! Funny, right?"

"Maybe I should be the ruler - not you!"

"You? I think any true friend like Celestia would agree I'm the best choice!"

"I hate you!"

"You really are the worst!"

I could not escape these horrible visions that surrounded me no matter how hard I tried. The more I tried to justify my actions, the worse I felt. Even though I wanted to believe what they were saying was all lies, I knew it wasn't, and because of my arrogant choices, I had lost my two best friends in all of Equestria. Their words continued to spiral around me until I could not fight any longer. I stopped running and, with the tears streaming down my face, said the only two words I had left: "I'm sorry."

With a flash, the images and the darkness faded away to reveal only a door, the same one I had used to enter the room so long ago. Still overcome by tears, I realized that everything I saw had only been visions intended to trick me to see what I feared the most. As I walked through the door, I didn't feel any stronger now that I knew and had faced my worst fear. In a way, somewhere inside me I always knew. I knew that I would be the one to drive both of my friends away from me forever.

Comments

[Night_Shine]

o_o

I am still processing how ingeniously this scene was crafted. You crafted this in a heart-wrenchingly tragic and painful way through its implications...since this was not the only time Celestia had to live out her worst fear of betraying her sister and friend. It is difficult for me to express how beautifully you built this chapter to drive a spike directly into the reader's heart. Well done.

[SpiffyPony]

4233633 Thanks so much! Your comment totally made my day!

I spent a long time debating how to go about writing this chapter (part of the reason why I took so long to post it...), but I am pleased with how it turned out as well!