I feel bad today. I don't know why. Maybe it's the gloomy atmosphere outside? Maybe it's the realization that this is my last week of summer? Maybe it's fear of the unknown? The realization that I'm becoming an adult, and I don't want to? The feeling of worthlessness? The feeling of failure because a lot of my best friends have drifted away? The feeling of loneliness? The feeling of being unloved?

I don't know what it is. I know I just feel... bad today. I just feel down and sad.

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I'm so sorry...

My last blog post was a bit... intense. I'm sorry. I'm having an absolute nightmare of a week. I'm tired, I'm stressed, I'm depressed, and I'm honestly a little sick. My mind right now is a jumbled mess of emotions, and it resulted in that post last night.

It's just something I'm insecure about. Do my friends really care about me? Do they think I'm putting in any effort to our friendship? Are they just humoring me?

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I don't mean friends on here, I mean real, in the flesh friends. That't what I'm talking about in this post.

I'm... I'm losing them.

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Why do I even bother informing you guys about what goes on in my life. You've got your own problems to deal with, I'm sure. I shouldn't burden you all with my depression and stress.

Especially when part of the reason is because your waifu might fall for someone else and become a canon crush, and you can't bear that thought, even though she's a fictional character, yet you still love her... like an insane person

Nobody gives a damn, and they shouldn't anyway, so why bother?

School work is really cracking down on me. I didn't realize how much I'd have to be doing, but it made sense once I realized it's a semester long course condensed into 5 weeks.

I'm tired... I'm crabby... and I just don't feel good. The stress is really starting to get to me. I actually got a decent amount of sleep, but I'm still tired. I'm trying to chug a cup of coffee to wake myself up before I go work the opening shift at work, because they changed the schedule on me mid-week.

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Guys... I'm tired... I'm cranky... and I'm stressed...

My last blog post is why I'm wracking my brain so much. I received an email back from my professor, and what I can surmise from his message is that I'm basically fucked.

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I'm the stupidest person on the planet...

I'm taking public speaking online. I'm not a public speaker. Not at all. But the class is required for my university's curriculum. I have to record myself doing the speeches, and I have to show a live audience of at least five people. On top of the shit ton of chapter work, and setting up these speeches, it's a lot of work. Along with work, writing, and the two shows I'm in, it's too much work.

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I had a dream last night. A bad one. I know you all probably don't want to hear it, but I need to get it out of my system. I can't go to work today with a cloud hanging over my head.

On FIMFiction, I talk to a lot of people. There's a choice group of people. One of which, I talk to all the time. She's always there, and will always try to comfort me no matter what. But... this dream made me question if what I was doing was okay or not.

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So, yesterday I come home from eating dinner with my grandparents, and I get ready to play some XCOM 2. Gaming is what I do when I'm sad. Before I do that, out of force of habit, I open up FIMFiction. I see 19 notifications. That's a new record for me. It's followers, comments, and favorites galore. I also see a comment from Harmony Pie that I'm Always Here For

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All I want is someone to love.

Another depression spell has hit me, and I can't pinpoint why. Well, actually, maybe I can.

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