Greetings, everyone!

I am currently working on my very first story here and have decided to seek some critique/advice from this group before I submit it to FIMFiction at large. If any of you are interested in examining my work, you can find the beta document for it in the link below. It's open for any of you to edit, if you'd like to leave your commentary in the document itself.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-cHwaK7RDMg3DHe649UC_pQpntGhb4cnndj9ARXcBC0/edit

This may be my first story but please be merciless/thorough. I want to read anything and everything you have to say about this story.

I'll give a more detailed critique when I've had time to let it jostle in my mind a little.

Initial thoughts, though, is there's something of a thematic conflict between Discord's mind and his actions, and I think it interferes with the purpose of the exercise, a deconstruction of Discord. His mindset seems to me to be much like Dr Manhattan from Watchmen, who is omnipotent and can see the future, but is powerless to change anything, even his own feelings.

I might suggest trying to write it from the mindset of it being an addiction. Sure, he'd like to change, but that's not possible, to much chaos to live, he's tried but it just always gets worse and he's comfortable like this and is having fun so why should he change just because others want to ruin his fun, why should he make friends when they can't see the true him, etc. He doth protest too much, his narrative claiming that chaos is fantastic, but underneath, the subtext of it all, speaks of nothing but despair and frustration of his circumstances locking him out of the world.

The technical aspects were an interesting touch, maybe try changes in font or size for emphasis or subtlety. You're probably not going to see this get on this site with that format though, which is a shame.

Keep writing.

Actually, thinking about it, I think that's all I've got for now. Hope it helps.