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• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

Applejack isn't getting any younger. Neither is Rainbow Dash.

• Rainbow Dash
• Applejack

Bicyclette · 4.4k words  ·  96  23 · 2k views

Initial thoughts: Upon reading the summary, I could tell this would be about coming of age, but not in the standard approach. Often coming of age stories are about teens becoming adults, and figuring out who they really are. This story is about a much older Applejack coming to terms with her life, and what it means for her future, what it means for the farm, and what it means for herself. It's a very in depth look at getting older and how it can change ponies. Most of the piece is centered about Applejack and her thoughts. Rainbow Dash comes in about 3/4 through the piece and the back and forth talk between the two is a really good canvas for the story as a whole. I enjoyed what was presented, but I feel like certain aspects could have been stronger.

8/10

Heart of the story: Applejack. She's our main character and the story is mostly her story. It does tie into AppleDash near the end, but the first 2/4 of this tale is all about how Applejack feels about her age. How she's getting older, how she can't do all the things she used to do, and how she still insists on managing the farm mostly on her own. Not wanting to pressure Big Mac or Apple Bloom and taking on the bulk of the load herself, which isn't healthy. Nor is it good for her to lie to herself and tell herself it's fine, when really an extra hoof or two around the farm would be a benefit. Rainbow Dash shows up and the two talk. That's really what it is, it's them talking about life, the past, the present and even the future. The two don't exactly always have the same answers and they don't agree with one another all the time either and I felt this was a geniune way of showing a real relationship. Often times, we are convinced couples even the best of friends never argue, but that simply isn't the case. Life is messy, and that is what I feel like this story is really talking about. Coming to terms with who you are, no matter where you are in life, isn't easy but if you are willing to listen, anything is possible.

9/10

Grammar/Writing: I couldn't find any errors within this piece.

10/10

Characterization:
Applejack: Stubborn, Honest, Hard working. This is the way I picture Applejack, and the way she considers who she is, and what that means for not only herself, but for the farm and everyone around her, it is very fitting for her and I really enjoyed Bicyclette's presentation here.

Rainbow Dash: She's not in the story for long, but the Dash we see is more mature than the Dash we've known. She's not as impulsive or rash and she actually listens to Applejack, but she also isn't afraid to tell Applejack when she's wrong about something no matter what it might be.

9/10

Originality/Execution: The idea of a story like this, I've seen it before, but the way it's written isn't written like the "standard" run of the mill story like this. This definitely has more emotional tones to it, but yet I feel like the emotions could have been stronger. I know what you're thinking if the emotions are too strong, it comes off as "Preachy" or "Too sappy" but I just feel like a little more focus on Applejack as a whole before RD came in, could've made the overall message even stronger. However, for what this is, it's really a great piece of work.

The execution is very solid overall. I can't really find any real issues with it. Each line feels like it's there for a purpose and not just to drag out the message, and perhaps the emotions are right where they need to be. I'll let it up for to the reader.

8/10

Overall thoughts and Feedback: This is a great example of using a story idea such as "Coming of Age" and making it unique and interesting. Even though I knew where it was going, I enjoyed it all the way through. Would recommend.

8+9+10+9+8=44/50
8.8/10

To the reader: This is a great story about life, about who you are and how you define yourself throughout the years. It does relate a little bit to death and what comes after you are gone, but it doesn't really dwell on it long, and I felt like it was a really strong showing of a coming of age story from a different POV.

To the author: Clearly, you know what you're doing. I don't have a lot to recommend other than to keep writing good stories like this. The feeling it leaves you with afterwards is something you don't always find in stories nowadays. You truly have a gift for this.

Notes.