In September, I promised that one day I would submit a forum here about my personal experiences about the ongoing battle of being a Christain who's struggling, but somewhat managing, with sexual orientation and faith. I had the urge to at least post something related to this after the last few months involving discussion within the other Christain groups about their personal opinions on homosexuality and LGBT, which was particularly a hard subject to swallow every time it was discussed.

I've started doing Bible readings in Church and there are times where I feel like an outsider. My sexual orientation has been a battle ever since I concluded that I was indeed homosexual and that there was no question about it. Standing up in church, as perhaps one of the youngest speakers who're preaching at the moment in the church I attend, it does beg the theory that there are so many people in that church who I'm standing in front reading to them, who know that we have the same beliefs and religion as I do... but don't know that I'm actually gay.

Especially because of my sexuality, I have felt very upset sometimes that I'm a Christain, but I'm also gay, so I'm stuck in the centre of a very toxic argument that seems to never go anywhere. When I started questioning wherever I was gay or not back in April 2018, I had a sense of loneliness, sadness, frustration, anger and exclusion. I did feel excluded because my opinion was so different from other Christians (apart from users here, obviously. This group was founded last September) and they seemed to ignore people's actual stories of struggling with faith and sexuality, as well as prosecution that still happens to this day. There was this sense of "if you don't agree with me, then you're wrong". Opinions weren't really welcomed, and immediately when someone disagreed with me, all of a sudden they didn't see me as someone of the same faith as them. I didn't feel like I was allowed to be there or express an opinion from the other side of the argument.

I've been persecuted for my faith and sexuality from different people, all from different backgrounds and opinions. Nowadays, I tend to stay quiet IRL and never tell anyone. I've had people tell me to kill myself, one time in the Christain group I was even told that just for my opinion I was completely evil and another time I've had members tell me I'm nothing. It shocks me that these things have been said by other Christians since I believe that we need to be open and kind-hearted, rather than people who just fight one another on a daily basis.

I don't feel safe as a person either. Being brought up a Christain, and still one, in a Christain household, these debates are very heated among family. There is only one thing I wish and pray for, not just for me but for many other Christians struggling with homosexuality, and that is acceptance.

The negativity between some Christians and LGBT is sometimes so bad that it becomes more of a hate argument, rather than a discussion about faith and sexuality. Even being a gay Christain, who isn't sexually active, is still seen as something negative. The arguments become less towards the Bible and more anti-gay nowadays, so prejudice is still, in my eyes, a serious problem among people. And sometimes these arguments can lead to serious harm. I hope that one day we will be able to live in harmony or become less aggressive towards one another, for I fear the worst if this argument continues to separate people.

If you want to know more about my story, then happily let me know below or send a PM anytime. I'm always up for a chat. God bless.

7012766
First I want to stress that you're not alone in your struggles with reconciling your faith and sexuality. I also want to stress that prejudice is something I regard as morally wrong.

The unfortunate reality is that human beings are generally social creatures by nature; and that is reflexive to react to things that buck the generally accepted norm with fear and/or hostility. It is easy to become uncomfortable when exposed to something that is different, and it is easy to become defensive.
I'm not by any stretch saying that it's right to judge or threaten others, but I have to admit that I understand where it comes from.
I would go as far as to say that the people you've been made to be afraid of are equally afraid of you, or rather the 'you' who you censor with a mask when amoung your peers.
I also pray for acceptance and harmony, but sadly too many people don't honestly want it.
You have people on one side who would prefer to be angry and hateful because its just become more comfortable to do so and you have people like me who have experienced physical assault enough times to be suspicious about who wants to coexist, and prone to getting equally defensive when things get heated (because it's easy), which just makes things harder.
It's going to take more time and effort for all of us, and I sincerely hope we get there.
I'm honestly too stressed to rewrite this again, hoping to make more sense and be less combative sounding, so I'll stop and show myself out

Blessed be, and thank you for opening up and sharing. We need more respectful communication on all sides if we want to go forward.

7012818
Thank you for your kind words and advice, Spider.

7012824
Thank you for being willing to start the conversation

7012766
Honestly, I believe the fact that so many Christians are content with disharmony (not just with other groups, but even amongst themselves) is one of the biggest obstacles that Christianity faces in the modern day. I think it's one of the biggest reasons why Christianity looks like a joke to unbelievers.

Now, I don't expect most other Christians to agree with me on my opinions regarding sexuality (because I do lean pretty "liberal" on that topic), but to at least be less divided and more open to a real discussion would be fantastic. Instead, I hesitate to even share my views and explain why I think they are scripturally valid because people are so entrenched in their traditional ideas of how to interpret biblical teaching on sexuality (i.e., taking translations at face value rather than considering cultural context and what the original words actually mean) that it would go literally no where. I'll just get told how wrong I am and that I'm ignoring "clear teaching" and twisting the Bible to justify my perverted desires.

I mean, how messed up is it that I'm a Christian, and yet I feel less out of place in clop artists' Discord servers than I do in the Christian Bronies server I'm a mod for? I think I actually feel more comfortable "outing" myself as a Christian in generally non-Christian environments (and I've actually done so a few times) than even so much as making a passing mention of my sexual beliefs and habits in a Christian one.

And if my family found out that I'm bi? Nah, unfortunately I'm keeping that a secret from them as long as I can.

But to get back to the main point, I really do hope that, in the coming years, Christianity as a whole learns to be truly harmonious and tolerant so that it can be the source of love and light that it was meant to be.

7013085
And I can also understand the feeling of being around family and having this fear of finding out what you are or whatever. My family and I even had a conversation about it today, when my mother said something very anti-LGBT, which depresses me somewhat about who I am and how I actually fit into my family. Dad's kind of chill with these sort of things, but it still haunts me on how things would turn out if I told them about my sexuality. I want to keep that secret, as well, for as long as possible. Although, I hope one day that when things are more settled, we as a family are able to talk about it. And I hope that you will find the strength and courage one day, too. Remember that your family loves you no matter what.