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Review: The Lost Element

Tags: sex, gore, violance, Death, Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life, Humman, OC

Summary:  A long fiction that did super great!  A human that might change the world of equestria.  Some few pony friends and a John De Lancie as discord.

Review:  

Let’s talk about the bad/flaws first.

Chapter from 1-12

A Newcomer in Equestria - Tainted Memories

So far so good but then again there is a clog of enter gaps… But somehow in chapter 12 you did [hr ]  that made it easy for me when I needed to bookmark.  Some things on youtube were cut off and that was the disappointing part.  The structure of the story is alright so far from this point on. There are several grammar errors.  The 2 chapters that I liked so far were A forest of Sorrows.  It had that weird feeling that was good on its part.  Then the second one was Home to Stay. It brought the characters to life to remember them. This is good. I love it.!

Chapter 13 - 24

To Hell and Back - Lifting the Illusion 

It’s getting better but there was one youtube video that was cut out.  That one picture with the nightmare moon, celestia, and luna reminds me of discord was posted to be nightmare moon lol!  You know how come I haven’t seen a picture of Mitta yet?  It could just be me though.  Wonder if there is a picture for Lotus as well.  It would be cool.  Maybe a bloom or something. :3  Still reading…  I just realized that you use the word I a lot in the beginning of the sentence which is starting to make a cliche in chapter Lifting the Illusion which is chapter 24.

Chapter 25- 36

A Day with the Derp - Toxic Love

Most of these chapters are getting good.  I do like how the cannon still fits through this long fiction.  The oc is doing well… the only problem was some youtube were cut off again or not working.  The pictures that were placed in these sections were also nice to look at.  However, there are maybe some people that are in for the story though.

Chapter 37 - 48

See no Evil - Struggle Between the Pages

0_0  the song for dark gauntlet legacy. My favorite game when I was a kid. But let’s skip my personal feelings for that game and talk about this chapter 42 Sudden Death.  It is good I like what you did there for the picture below the dark gauntlet legacy song.  But what you did was super great down the line of several paragraphs and it made me smile.  That’s all I can say for this section chapter.  You completely have my attention. Woa woa woa wait a moment… Vol 4…  So basically I just now noticed that this story has multiple stories. I think it’s sequels?  That’s why it’s taking so long to get to the end… 

Chapter 49 - 60

A Stick in the Mud - A Fracture Gem

I think I'm half way????  Dear diary, I'm still reading this fiction at 3:04 AM in the morning.   Just to get through this.  As much as I can.  I think I'm starting to hear ghosts in my room.

A Stick in the Mud didn’t have an enter gap… OMG  this person did it right!!! I see improvements were made.  Until the next few chapters… welp let’s see!!!  And enter gaps T_T…  and also youtube video errors.

Chapter Babies and Buttons enter gaps… However it could be a site error. Then this means all the enter gaps were a site error.  Time to go and make a site complainment.  (all the enter gaps that I said before is a site error and it’s not the authors fault.)  (taking back on what I said about the enter gaps after I read the comment of this chapter section.)  ( I hope it is a site error though and not some enter prank because lets’ think about this for a second. Scrolling down on long fiction is breathtaking in a bad way.)

Chapters 61 - 72

Bachelor Night Blues - A Quick One While He Is Away

Not as bad as 49 - 60 where there were many gaps like multiple enters like chapter 58… Wonder if you would like to go back to fix all that?  Anyway, time for a new day…  everything goes back to normal but still some youtube videos are either blocked or fail. If the user doesn’t have that kind of problem then ignore the music videos that this fiction was trying to place.  This tells me you don’t want to go back to fix the stuff… So, I’ll keep it soft if I can.

Chapter 73 - 84

Leaving Paradise - Land of Silence

Not sure why you use the hr method on something so short?  Many questions in chapter 77 on (And Now For Something Completely Different)  I don’t think it was that necessary.   That’s pretty much it.

Chapter 85 - 96

Ground Zero -  The Love Bug Blues

Welp you did it.  0////0…   Let’s take this into consideration at this point if users ever make it this far.  The story is getting juicy like cookies and milk.

Chapters 97 - 106

H vs X - In Good Company

Ok the latest piece where I can say bad stuff…  I’m going to take a moment of silence.

The good stuff about this fiction.

100% true hard work and dedication.  If you like long fiction this is meant for you.  It’s a high recommendation and worth your time.  Characters are fully developed once you reach chapter 10 + but it comes out even better near 100 as more story volumes.  This is a massive creativity fiction with volumes. So the story may end but a new volume to make you keep reading.

Full review conclusion:  

I have to say that this person needs to take good and great care of this fiction.  As a new reader to this fiction having youtube music where they may not be working is maybe the most disappointing. Not only that, not sure if they credit them for the song they used for this fiction which is needed.   Incomplete fiction but volumes is a different thing so ehhh…  The story's true end was near the end of the first volume I guess???  There has been improvement throughout the years. I like this fiction for what it is.

Time to give my verdict it’s clearly an 9/10

7677480
I really appreciate this review and how you understand the care and respect I put into it. The Lost Element really has become my baby.

In response to some of your complaints-

Beginning a paragraph with “I” is an unfortunate shortcoming of 1st person writing. It will happen a lot. I do try to minimize this issue whenever possible, but it’s a challenge.

If these “enter gaps” are what I think they are, then that’s the site’s fault. I know how to paragraph properly, but these large gaps between paragraphs are the result of a website issue that apparently never got resolved that occurred only after the chapters were uploaded. All I can do is reload the chapters when I get around to editing them. (Volumes 1 to 3 are fully edited at this time)

YouTube music embeds failing to function are another problem out of my control. The blame falls to YouTube themselves for allowing abuse of DMCA takedowns and for the account holders who just disappear on their own while shutting down their accounts voluntarily. I will have to check those chapters again sometime as it is nothing more than a nuisance.

As for the HR use, those are for when the perspective shifts to a different character. This wouldn’t be an issue in conveying it normally since each character writes with a different font in MS Word, but the website can’t detect these fonts and require a different means to divide up segments written by different characters.

Again, I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to give my work the recommendation I hope it deserves and I hope to continue to entertain.

Um no offense but it sounds like you didn't even read the story. Like you didn't even go into detail and still gave a high score even though the story clearly has flaws :/ seems kinda lazy :// what sort of review is this clearly a 0/1

7679465
I don't like spoiling the person story. That's pretty much how I review things. I do it different than everyone else.

7679489
...you just dont do it...

7679489
But idk how you are better to show how good or bad the story is if you don't explain a few things

7679621
Like what?

7679951
If I must make a suggestion, you might provide at least a brief summation of the premise and a few vague highlights of each section. Same with any other review you do if you want to avoid spoilers.

7679465
For one I did read it. Took a lot. I think people want me to give more of an idea on what the story about than the structure of the fiction.