[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

Written by https://www.fimfiction.net/user/358030/Crystalchameleon

Summary: When Prince Blueblood tries to cast a truth spell that's above his level of magic, Moondancer must try to reverse it. (Written for May 2020 Original Pairing Contest)

Analysis: I am not a Blueblood fan. I think he is a jerk, and I often paint him as a fool. However, I do like the take that this author took on him. Being able to have a way to reveal the layers that he has built up allowed for the most unique pairing that I have ever seen. Seeing MoonDancer as his magic teacher as well as seeing him being stuck telling the truth.

This premise allows us to see MoonRacer at her best, and the hidden parts of Blueblood, like him hiding his emotions and feelings, along with him stating that none of the other nobles cared about Blueblood's condition, except MoonDancer. It's an interesting and rather emotional take on these characters that I can actually enjoy.

Grammar: 7/10 There are some noticeable errors, and some of them are blatantly obvious.

However (pick one or the other." sometimes- (you should use a comma) like now for example- (Use theshe was really tempted to just to slap him across the face.

..." he said.

The missing capitalization happens a few times.

"No." He looked relieved. MoonDancer is still talking in the next paragraph, so it only should be this one paragraph.)"Usually when it’s done improperly, it causes insanity," she said. Blueblood gulped.

Again, I don't want to spell everything out, but the errors are fixable. The author just needs to go over the story again and try to find any errors. (I end up having to do that with my stories.)

The plot of the story: 9:10 I know this is for a challenge, but it's interesting to see a hated character be paired up with one who went through the same struggles as Twilight. I do admit that I don't understand how she made the leap to Blueblood's tutor, but the idea defiantly works, even with the two clashing character types.

Story flow: 8:10 I'll admit that the beginning is a little abrupt. I would have liked it if the author made the start of the story a little slower and added more details of why she liked him early on, but I still liked the story. My only other main complaint is that there is no conversation between Blueblood and the other nobles before the spell goes bad. That could have been entertaining to read, but sadly it was left out. I wonder if a word limit was involved, but I can't be sure. Besides that, the pacing is solid, and it's rather easy to follow the story.

Final score: 24/30 8/10

The story thrives on a unique pairing, and somehow gets it to work, even with an unrelatable character like Blueblood. I always saw him as a punching bag for jokes, but this interpretation actually feels enjoyable to read. This author is talented in making things that shouldn't mix together and making it work. My only question is did this story place in the contest? It probably deserved to. Give this a read if you want an interesting love story.