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Summary:
This story is a ponifiet version of the beauty and the beast. Applejack plays the beauty and a changeling the beast.

Okay, let me say at first, this is the authors first story, so it is to expected that the writing style is not the best of course and I also want to point out, after reading till chapter 7, I have to change my review format here, because my standart one would sound very negative and this the author hasn't earned.

So there will be no Pro-Con section this time.

Instead let me point out what needs to be improved in my opinion:

First of all, this story needs an editor and a proofreader if possible, there are so many errors in matter of wording, scene breaks and transitions, also flaws of logic and the choosen cast... meh! I mean the crusader are mostly fine, I admit, but even for an AU, Applejack doesn't fit for the part she plays. (Not that she can not a beauty, but she lies and is not really herself sometimes.)

Than we have how the plot proceeds, it could need a second eye form an editor and also the many errors affect the reading expirience very negativly. I say, the author wanted to have the main scenes from the original story in his story too, and she has, also with some own ideas to them, but it feels a little bit too forced. The scenes themselves are not that bad, but how the story goes there and the inbetween needs more work.

And at last, the characters besides Applejack. Just as example, Zecora, she normally speaks in rhymes, all the time. Well in this story she does rhyme, but only now and then. If you choose a cast for your story, get sure you write them properly if they are show characters.

Well about the rating, like I said, no standart format here today.

So I simple put this at 5/10 for the time being.

***

For the author:
Okay, this is your first story here, so no worries, everypony started somewhere. I simple would give you the advice that you seek for assistance, like nearly all authors on Fimfiction have. This includes an Editor, to help you with the plot and to point out all the little errors and such that every author makes to a degree, and, in your case also a proofreader, someone who reads the finished work and see if there are some problems with it.

I mean your story isn't that bad for a first try, but also isn't quite good yet in my small opinion. Keep writing, look up some tips and tricks about writing in general and get some help of friends or other helpers from the side and you can turn this into a good story.

@Azure Drache Thank you for reviewing the story for me. While it was the first time since I have written an MLP story, I hope to improve better in the future. Also, the story in general will be updated, allowing less mistakes as before. When I do update the story, providing much editing as possible, would it be alright if you can read it again to see if it is better than the first time?

6882805
Resubmitting a story is completly fine So yes, if you made significantly editing and updates, I take another look.

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