Princess Essenta by Pone_Heap

Read 5 chapters (Prologue till chapter 4) ca 13,7k words

Pros:
Interesting prologue with a lot of worldbuilding, written in a way of a storyteller, I can imagine it like an Greek story read out loud in an audio play or something. It is kind of complex though.
The First chapter flows along nicely, I just wonder a bit about its purpose.
A sense for humour by the main character so far.
How the author presents the mechanic of noble families is enjoyable to read and given some space for creativity, realistic. Like said, it sounds like an anciend greek legend.
The second chapter was of good atmosphere and content, not to fast not to slow moving forward and full of live.
Reading along, the story stays in the style it was started. Feels good to read it.

Cons:
The good storytelling atmosphere broken by cursing.
When it comes to longer texts in one big pice the quality of the writing style lowers a bit.
This use of bad language here and there is annoying, it breaks the flow and is tottaly unecassary.
On the one side it is said how much money Dale can make on the other side the princess is wondering how many ponies could eat if her father didn't buy a silk gown for his wife.
If Dale is called the valley’s breadbasket, why is it implied some ponies must stay hungry?
Saved my life cliche- add some others as well, like they know each other since they are foals and stuff.
At some spots I really would wish they get to the point finally!

Summary:
What we have here is a story in the good old ways of a greek mythology one, which would fit for an audio reading or told by a campfire in my opinion. Just the cursing is getting heavely in the way and also cracks up the otherwise good atmosphere. If one have seen the movie Troy for example, that would be the spirit, even with different storyline behind it.

The story keeps it realism to an degree and is able to catch the atmophere of an ancient kingdom, just with ponies. That is so far good that you will have no trouble to imagine the scenes or follow the storyline, which seems so far to be well thought out.

However, and that is really a shame, with all its realism and mostly plausible scenes that follow each other, there is after a while the feeling that the story is moving forward too slow. The reason is that there are comming up more and more cliches and inner logic flaws, mostly minor once, but still.

***

Honestly, I was impressed about how well the writing style fits for the setting of the story, an ancient kingdom with some noble struggles. I was triggered to read on more and more and also got interested in what would happen next and enjoyed the atmosphere a lot. Though, after reaching chapter 3, I got more and more dissapointed with the speed the story progressed in and caught myself wanting to just skip through the pages.
I am trying to make a fair review and therefore I stopped my reading when I noticed at the end of chapter 4 (5 with prologue) that the frustration about it got in the way of giving fair feedback anymore.

Rating:
Storyline 9/10 not witty but fitting
Writing Style/atmosphere: 9.5/10 Really, if we put the cursing and small logic errors aside, it is great in my opinion.
Flow: 4/10 It starts good but goes downhill soon.

Total: 7.5/10

This story has great potential but sadly is hold back by some flaws.