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Azure Drache
Group Admin

Story: 'The Day after' by CaptainPipsqueak

Pros:
A good description of the scenes, you can imagine everything quite well while reading it.
Mostly realistic acting of the characters with only one spot not fitting in my opinion for the main part of the story.
The epiloge is awesome, more focused on comedy then the main story.
There are a lot of locations and characters involved considering the length of the story, so without the start, the story take you by your hoof and shows you around.



Cons:
A little bit much 'warm up' at the beginning of the story.
Twilight deciding to better go outside instead of readin her new book that was descripted like she wanted it for a longer time already? Doesn't sound right.
The main part of the story is Slice of Life, considering the requirements to apply a story for my review is a focus on other things, like comedy in this case, it doesn't fullfil its purpose so well.



Summary: Alright, so the story is an good Slice of life story. A common day is descripted and without the hard cider in it, it would fit for the show quite well. That is for the main story part, the epiloge however was quite funny, I enjoyed it, but it wouldn't fit for the show at all. Still the epiloge increased my opinion on the story for being entertaining.

The idea for the story is good, all mane six are mentioned too and they all have a few words to what they do and it simple fits. That is under the circumstances you took hard cider into consideration for be a thing in ponyville at all. So if you consider it as a Slice of life story only, it would do a good job. With in mind however that it has the comedy tag too, I must say I was a bit dissapointed by the amount of jokes or funny stuff that happend. The story, ignoring the epiloge for a second, isn't very funny to be honest.

After all, the story doesn't leave a strong impression, neither good nor bad for me. There a no real 'Highlights' for my taste nor there are something really going wrong with it either.

If you like to just read along and have a story happening in ponyville could be for your taste still.



Rating: 6/10



Besides the review, CaptainPipsqueak, I like how you write scenes and characters and also your main idea for the story but I would suggest to fluff it up with a few more jokes if you have a comedy tag.

6607826
The comedy tag was primarily for the second part, because wrecked pegasus.

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