5721140 This had some technical issues. The volume level on Priest's mic was too low, and you called up the link to the cover illustration then never brought it into frame (you teases, you!).

You also seemed to be taking way to seriously a fic never meant to be taken seriously. I'd elaborate if I could, but I can't. The reading squicked me out and I fast forwarded to the end. While I still thought the material was funny it was also WAY cringy, and 5 minutes in I'd used up all my daily dose of cringes (YMMV as far as your daily dose of cringes).

All in all, rating craptastic. Hey, three out of four ain't bad.

*gulps*

Okay, here we go...

There's something to be said for a story that is written for the sheer... ick factor. It's, um, I suppose it's cathartic to write. This is certainly something I would never read of my own free will, but if there's something to learn, then by golly, I'm... I'm listening.

I suppose the lack of any actual story description is chalked up to whether or not you're... well, actually looking for something to read, or just like watching the world burn and don't care what's on fire.

Oh. Uh. Wow, that just kind of. Jumps into some quick exposition we're just supposed to accept. Well, again, the match is light, so I guess this isn't meant to be crafted, just enough to get on to tossing it on the gasoline-drenched firewood.

Oh lord.

Oh god.

Okay.

... Really, Fluttershy?

I never thought I would agree with an Anon in calling a pony "whore".

Oh sweet lord.

The 7th street thing, is that a reference, or just a random specific example?

okay.

Good sweet lord it just keeps going.

No why oh please

Oh, so there's a concern of losing oxygen, but not Fluttershy being dead like, twenty paragraphs ago from blood loss. Well at least there is some sense of possible logic gripping the fabric of this reality together. D:

Well, I mean. Points for. Uh. Creativity on diddle fly trap.

Okay, cool, Anon pointed out the whole 'she should be dead' thing.

Ignoring the actions happening, the ending was... comical?...

So, yeah, it, uh, it achieves what was set out to be done. That is true. Between my sobs and tears, I did see a handful of grammatical mistakes here and there, such as commas that should have been periods and the like. I also loathe all caps in stories, personally. It should be used very, very sparingly at most.

I would agree with all the commentary at the end. It's not horrible in the sense of prose. It's average in terms of writing, with some objective mistakes and subjective problems. I found a teensy bit of humor in it here and there, but overall I just want to go take a shower, hold myself, and cry.