OK just looking at this from the tags to the like/dislike bar. I'm very wary about starting this. Right off the bat, I find myself thinking "Oh god not another overly gritty war fic that just likes to hammer home the war is bad message till it violently ruptures from overindulging."

Ok, when the first paragraph has "Balls of Steel" and one can only rightly fully read that in Duke Nuk'ems voice. You've killed the mood. Cause I now can only hear that phrase in that voice. Reading on through this running biography of this "Air Pony" See because it's a ponyfied "Airman" thus it's clever, and we get to a bit of conflict with a dragon. But dragons being rather large powerful and well a FUCKING DRAGON! It seems like you've shot your load a bit early Dragons are endgame level monsters. I get you want to set up your OC as strong and cool. But when you throw a dragon within the first chapter, I hope you can back that up because after the dragon readers will be all like "Holy Shit that Dragon was a right cock, whats next oh Centaurs at least they don't breath fucking fire."

Haven't even gotten to how they deal with the dragon when I read

Third Lt. Screamer had been in the outhouse during that time. As an officer candidate, he was encouraged to minimize his time with the enlisted ponies; that was the job of his platoon sergeant, keeping the troops in line. The bad case of the runs he had was the only thing that saved his life.

And I have to take a moment and realize the main character was saved by shit. I can't tell if this is supposed to be played for laughs or taken entirely seriously. Because if we're supposed to take it seriously, I can tell you for sure will not. We went from the detailed military career of a pony to looney toons. Except we're still supposed to be serious because people are dead. Ponies we know nothing about, and I find myself less worried about them and more who built the fucking john. The damn thing can stand up to a dragon attack! While the rest of the base goes up in smoke.

"Who are you random dragon-proof outhouse maker and why didn't you build the rest of this base!" I cry out to the either. But I fear I may have gotten a bit off track.

So having reached the end of the first chapter I feel as if I should give more of my thoughts. Man, that dragon went out like a bitch. I'm all for Ponies fighting like Ponies in these types of fics but having an outpost right next to Dragon land. You'd think things would be better prepared. I know we needed this to happen for plot reasons and to make the Main Character important. But it'll always bother me when the "two sticks and a rock" platoons are guarding the "Holy shit flaming death with teeth" border. Was the "border skirmish every few decades" border just too much of a priority we couldn't better supply the "holy shit if this base goes down we all fry" border. Just a pet peeve and I feel there are other ways this could have been handled expect for shit gets fucked, and the Main character has to take over because "Plot."

,
thy name is gratuitous secretary banging. Not much else happens we've merely set up the shitty town he's now stationed.

Yay! Corporal punishment. Moving on, oh whats the point they already blew their wad on the dragon everything else is dull military drama from here on isn't it. To be fair were finally getting actual characters in this tired military drama that seems to be taking notes from every other military drama. I'm not letting that dragon bullshit go. Hell, that dragon-proof bathroom deserves a promotion more than Sgt Screamer here. At least then it would be interesting to see how an outhouse unites a whole platoon as one. Yes, I get it being a woman in the human military is hard, and there is a lot of judgmental pricks in our world. But that's in "our" world hell I'd almost think it'd be the opposite seeing how Mares out number Stallions in virtually every situation we've ever seen in the show.

For once I'd like to see someone whose writing one of these stories to actually get their head out of "our" world and actually write about Equestria's Military. Instead of human Military with silly names. Everything I've read is basically WW2 with ponies, and I am SICK of reading WW2 with ponies. It was the same thing with Total War Equestria. Yes, I did read that. Had half the review done for it. Before my computer fried losing everything. The first chapter could not have replaced Ponies with humans because Dragon and flying but everything else is easier to imagine with humans then ponies because there are not enough details to make things different. A word there, a Reference here but that's it. This story may be more Vietnam then WW2, but a lot of the same gripes carry over.

More Military drama.... Then BAM actual pony Fucking Magic. Halleluja, but of course the man character has to be of some special bloodline that was thought to be extinct. Because if we can't make the actual characterization interesting let's just keep adding things till he seems like he had character. Because as of right now he's every blank slate war archetype. Until shit gets real, and it won't stop getting real till the author has exhausted everything in the "how do we show war is hell" handbook, and god forbid he'll either end the story or actually have to be creative. This is all predictive, however, and I may just be an ass.

But what the hell does being a "Knollwing" has to do with being psychic. A Knoll is a hill or mound, A wing is something used to fly. So unless you're a flying hill why that name? Is this trying for something along the lines of "knowing wing"? how about "Kne-wing" Like I "knew" this was only going to go downhill after the dragon.

Ok, Sergeant Flare I like she reminds me of the spy. Which is always a good point in my book for obvious reasons. But this entire fic boils right down to Military jargon and drama so far. Which in small doses between action scenes can be the cement between the bricks of a story. But right now the author has backed up a cement truck for a single brick. Which like the dragon is being drowned while I sit here watching in, what I'd like to say horror but honestly it's more a resigned impatience. Because growing up, I was stuck watching a lot of Military drama because of my family While classic movies and shows. It's like I've watched the dragon drown repeatedly and after a while, you just sit there and wonder when something different going to happen.

So if the Dragon was WW2 then the rest seems like Vietnam. Less gung-ho and more waiting with growing tension as we figure out how fucked things really are in this stitched together platoon of misfits and rejects.

"She looked at him, fire in her yellow eyes. The look might have scared off most ponies, but Zip didn’t think too much about it; sure, she was more than a little scary, but he’d faced a dragon…"

They've done it. The Author said in the story my exact grip with the dragon. Once you fight a dragon what comes up next, what passes for a challenge after you face a dragon. But I have to give the Author credit They've gotten to the point of Military Drama where you start investing yourself in the drama the more you read. You start wondering how things are going to get better. I can say I'm starting to get sucked into this story.

Yep Vietnam. *Checks description Sees 600 years ago* HOW THE HELL DO WE HAVE THERMITE. God damn it! You had me, I had forgotten about that little detail then we go and mention modern military hardware, and I'm left looking at the show and going how the hell do we have thermite in this universe when every other example of combat is on a medieval level. There is no Alt Universe tag so saying Ponies had thermite 600 years before canon is ridiculous. I get creative liberties, but this is one of the problems with being stuck in a human military mindset. There's less need to be creative just borrow something from our world and say you're done. I hate when little details like that bother me this much. But Jesus does it bother me when it does.

Ok, that rant is done for the moment. The marching songs are fun regardless of the thermite one making me rant. It's good to see things with a little more energy. The story is slowly picking up the pace as we go. Lots of setup with nothing of what the description says in sight. Which honestly is bad not because the set up is bad. But because too much setup and everyone will be invested in the Military Drama instead of the actual fighting when we get to it. I suggest possible splitting up the fic. Make the first Story the set up for the next one. Which might actually explain the high dislike to like ratio. People came for Saving Private Ryan and got A Few Good Men in terms of Military Drama.

I'm going to leave this here and give it a recommendation for seemingly pulling itself out of a nose dive. If you like Military Drama, you'll love this fic. Just don't expect action for a while....

Or prove me wrong in the next paragraph as a drunk doped out Lt melts a commanding officer's eyes. That's fine it's not like that literally came out of nowhere after being mentioned off-handedly "To watch out for Lt Hoops" by the same CO not a paragraph earlier. I get this was a spontaneous attack. But suggesting this character having issues with the Main character for the first time in this fic then immediately having character jump to eye-melting. Is just poorly done.

As pleased as I am with seeing actual pony fighting and spells I feel there could have been a greater pay off with this. Instead of this out of nowhere, we could have seen the rising tension between the two. I hate to say this cause somewhere somehow it's going to bite me in the ass. But we could have gone a Platoon route with the constant butting of heads. Till things finally, explode, Or Eyes-Melt whichever.

My statement still stands I recommend this fic for lovers of Military Drama. Just don't go in expecting action on any grand war scale anytime soon. Check it out here. The Virgin Company

6427457
Yay. The link works now. Box wouldn't open for some reason.

Thanks for taking the time to look at my story. Not sure how you found it, but thanks.

Things aren't even close to perfect, but I like what I've done. A few others seem to like it too. Some stuff's farfetched, but one stupid dragon getting itself drowned during high tide seems less threatening to me than an army. And all thermite is, is metal oxide and powder. I'm sure unicorns in metal rich mountains could slap the stuff together. And they'll have a field day using it. Same with napalm. You can make the stuff with fuel (unicorns pulling oil from the Earth and refining it) and pine tree extracts.

I reference another of my stories, Princess Essenta, as far as the stuff about Knollwings and psychics. I wouldn't expect you to look at it, but many of my readers appear to read all my stuff, so they get the references. Relying less/explaining more might benefit me in this area.

As far as the like/dislike ratio, judging by the fact all my stories got four or five dislikes within the same hour on separate days, I think I got sniped. Too much dumping in groups, I guess.

Speaking of dumps, it is kind of funny the lieutenant's life was saved because he had the squirts in a sturdy latrine some toasty summer day. But bending over to tie a shoe has probably saved someone's head from getting taken off at some point in time.

Consider looking back at this story in a few months, if you care to. The platoon will be probably be suffering miserably, fighting a whole army as winter falls on them.

I could attribute some of the dislike for the story to "bad taste", but you're right: lots of readers just don't want war stories. I'm confident not all of them even tried to read it, though.

Take it easy,

Pone_Heap

6427457
You had me laughing so hard in this review.
Best lines: "Holy shit flaming death with teeth border." "That dragon prooof bathroom deserves a promotion."

6428399
The latrine would be made of bricks on a sled. You dig a hole and slide the crapper over it. Of course it's sturdy, being so compact.

6428576
But see saying what the bathroom is made of reaffirms how silly the whole situation is. A person tieing their shoes and dodging a bullet is the luckiest SOB but avoiding a dragon in the bathroom is looney toons. The problem is less what happens and more the tone it sets for the scene.

6428596
Meh. I stand by it.