Warriors Return 377 members · 90 stories
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ponybornhuman
Group Admin

Map would be great just my input going in here I was thinking of writing a prologue sort thing for when she first arrived and the rest would/will be told though the time she is in equestria.

4105469

Central plot can be two fold, firstly re-establish a better large scale government and, probably into the second or later arc, find out that the magic storms have affected more than them and that they're going to come back, hence leading to the expedition, or possibly multiple.

With regards to Celestia and Luna, I'd personally prefer that they're not dead, mostly due to being linked into physical things, but they're either without bodies, in some form of coma or stasis or are banished away from Equestria and the only way they're going to get back is if things calm enough to risk the sort of surges having them warp in would cause. Possibly have other 'immortals' in a similar state, which could open up some interesting plot points as things go on.

Hmm… possible arc ideas:

First arc - return of the warriors, possibly hooking up, finding out what happened to them/Aedrides, start bringing back a central government and clearing the nastier trouble spots, and find out about the storms

Second arc - Continue government establishment, find out that the storms might (probably will) come back and likely affected more than their world, find out about Luna/Celestia/others, start expedition to find the source point

Third arc? - Return of immortals (Luna, etc), Aedrides starts to settle, but possible effects elsewhere seen, maybe some start searching other dimensions for those still missing or to help those still having storm problems.

Fourth arc? - Start of interdimensional/planetary relations and return of those still lost

4105471
4105630

This seems to be one of the more detailed ones around:

Link for better view

There are others, but a lot aren't that good for size/distance ideas on what's where.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4105630
4105689

Right, I've set up the group here: Returning from the Storm. If you two want to join I'll make you both admins. I'll start setting up the threads, and we can start posting things on other groups to see if we can get things going. As for a cap, should we say ten guys? Any more and I feel like this will get away from us.

And yeah, I like those arc ideas, although we'll see what comes out in the brain storming. As for Celestia, she doesn't have to be dead, but she can be in a heavy coma, which is another reason they need to find Luna and the worlds magical heart. It also means that people can't use those two, and I'm thinking putting a restriction on Discord too, as he's likely to become OP fast.

4105938

Joined, and yeah. I'd say lower tier Powers (Twi, Cadence, etc) are viable, but higher tier ones (Celestia, Luna, Discord, etc) are out of action, either gone, disembodied or in some form of unconscious state. Probably ought to say no returner can be in the latter group's weight class either and it adds another point, equipment capable of killing higher tier Powers and Dominions (gods, demons, etc).

Most things will probably be in between standard, if enchanted medieval and higher tech sci-fi gear, but there's likely to be some that will try to have characters kitted for god killing, even if it's not actually needed.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4106034
I have said no overly OP characters, and we can always turn down a character if we feel they are overpowered. Then again, Blueblood is in command of an AT-TE, so that's a pretty high bench mark for power levels

4106052

True, though it's gear rather than personal power in his case. I did notice you've added a couple of extra people and changed things up a bit on the sign-up you've posted in the group for this and I've had a bit of a look around, I think you might need to check either how Blueblood emerges from the Prince or check the angle of the tear, since from what I can see, the AT-TE has a hatch on the bottom only. Unless you have an image showing side or top hatches on it.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4106034
Right, the group is ready, and you're an admin. Like I said, I think we should stick with 10 writers, and considering the three of us, that means we need roughly 7 others. Or we can have less, it's all fine. Just start posting things as and when they come to you pretty much.

4106086

Already thrown the plot arc ideas over and put in some creatures. I'll think about things a bit before adding anything else, probably rework some odds and ends on my end.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4106148
Awesome. I'm loving the beast entry. Just remember to post your character to reserve a spot, as I'm going to do a post tomorrow on the group about the collab, and who knows how quickly the spaces will go.

4106160

Reserve spot grabbed. I might tweak the characters and scenes later, but probably not too much.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4106202
That's fine. Now we've just got to wait for Ponybornhuman to sign up and we'll be all set to open it out to other people.

4106215

Aye, then things are likely to get hectic.

I'll probably poke some of the other threads later, see what I can add in. I'm fairly sure the sapients will include the pony sub-species, gryphon sub-species, horses, changeling rulers (if not the full group), dragons, zebra, mules and minotaurs out the gate, since most are local bar the humans and they're in enough universes that there's bound to be some come across.

Tech'll probably be even more schizophrenic than in the show though, since the base is all over the shop, then we're adding people from ancient era worlds through to sci-fi ones. Kinda doubtful they'd be able to build too many heavy vehicles though, mostly due to the fragmentation effect of the storms and the resource issue. Which might be an interesting point for vehicle users like Blueblood getting spares and consumables.

Okay, updated the threads and added a couple of universe discussion threads

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

OK with twilight she is going to be blind

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

4106387
4106215
OK just did a possible short intro for twilight.
(Probably is written or read like a piece of crap but I tried) I'm new to writing
A wolfs den (Twilight arc)


She stood there in the shadows looking outward toward the nature of the forest of the everfree. She had changed alot since she had left but was the only one who knew thats she had returned to Equestria. She had fell into her old way off blocking everypony out but this it was not for books or study it was for her new nature that one single thing that had changed her 8 years ago the mage storms.


8 years earlier location unknown.
Twilight’s head was fuzzy, she dizzily tried to get up. She moaned “what did that storm do to me? more importantly where was she. She finally looked around her surroundings she discover it was a forest much like the everfree it had that cold dark uninviting chill to it she just knew it but it felt different to the everfree like she was being watched she could put her hoof on it. The sound of a crashing tree was heard in Twilights ear and she turn around to see three young maybe teenage dragons. They smiled at her and said “hello lunch”.
Her face dropped at the this and she began to tremble she had studied and learn all there was to known about dragons to better help spike like a best life as he could she knew she was dead if she didn’t run as well she wasn’t in equestria now because there eating a pony has the death penalty and even dragons didn’t want that. this train of thought all rushed through her head in about two second she was ready to run now. Her legs set out into a gallop through the forest thick undergrowth with her smaller body size and four legs she ducked and dived under and over branches. Twilight had only been running for minutes but it had felt like hours she began to tire and her pace slowed down,when she thought all was lost she remembered she could use magic not on the dragon but maybe to protect herself. Twilight's horn sparked and a purple magic barrier appeared over Twilight body and a small area surrounding her. ‘well well well not longer running are we young one” the dragon smirked. The dragons repeatedly hit the barrier of magic.
It soon began to waver and crack. Sweat drained from Twilights forehead pool beneath her hoofs. The strain on her body became too much and she slumped onto the floor, she looked up to she the dragons smirking and saying "we won little one".



Overweiw on twilight has wolf teeth using magic to be faster and give her strength but she is blind which she makes up for in amazing hearing and excellent smell.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4113419
It's a good start, but you should try and show the reader what's happening, not just tell them. For example, i stead of just stating the whole thing about the death penalty, try something more like this:
Her mind raced as she crashed through the undergrowth, her lungs fighting with her brain for the avaliable oxygen. She briefly remembered something about eating a pony being one of the few crimes to carry a death penalty back in Equestria, although considering the fact that she had been swept up by one of the magical storms, as well as the fact that three very hungry dragons were still charging after her, this thought wasn't much comfort.

Just remember, at this point she's only seen a forest and a few dragons. She could just be elsewhere on the planet, as the storms did move things around on Aedrides, as well as further afield.

Just my opinion though of course. :twilightsmile:

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

4113951
Should I do it like how I am now or do her returning and how she came to be in flashbacks what would make more sense with you and the other writers

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4113996
Well we're all writing either the return to Equestria or their disappearance. Try one of those?

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

I have idea for the return since she has been gone for let's say maybe 7 year but when she return she stays hidden in the ever free forest with the nature there because she prefer s to be with animals. She can no longer naturally speak (what ever the name of the ponies language is) since her vocal cords have adpated to speak wolf/canine. But it is her mother language and can understand it still and she can use a spell to translate canine in the ponies language.

4113419

Okay, first thing I noticed, you're dropping caps like crazy in there. Remember, any sentence start and any name related to an actual being or organisation is capitalised. Secondly, as Fenrisian said, you've got 500-1000 words for the scene, double that if you do both the leaving and returning, expand on what's there and use description to show the audience what's happening, for instance:

Twilight’s head was fuzzy, she dizzily tried to get up. She moaned “what did that storm do to me? more importantly where was she. She finally looked around her surroundings she discover it was a forest much like the everfree it had that cold dark uninviting chill to it she just knew it but it felt different to the everfree like she was being watched she could put her hoof on it. The sound of a crashing tree was heard in Twilights ear and she turn around to see three young maybe teenage dragons.

I believe something along these lines would work a bit better.

She groaned as her head spun, drawing a feeling of nausea from her. "Wh-what d-did that storm do to me?" She could hear the weakness in her own voice as she finally managed to force her eyes open. The first thing she noticed was that she was surrounded by old, misshapen trees whose branches formed a dark ceiling overhead. The only place she could remember being that seemed anything like this was the Everfree near her home, but this didn't feel quite right for anywhere she had seen in there. Forcing herself up onto her hooves, her ears twitched back at a crash from behind her. If a tree falls in a forest, does it still make noise? Shaking the random thought away, she turned and grimaced as three huge reptiles emerged from the shadows. At least there was something familiar here, though she could have wished for something a bit less likely to make her into lunch, seeing as the winged monstrosities looked very much like the dragons she knew, except from the way they were looking at her, she got the feeling they weren't interested in some nice gems for a snack.

Other than the obvious fact it's a bit more wordy, do you notice what I've tried to do there? I've tried to give the reader a feeling for what Twilight is going through, granted I never say outright it's Twilight in that particular paragraph as my usual way of doing things is to build an image and let my characters introduce themselves or each other.

In my own return scene, I don't actually say the viewpoint is Spitfire until around half way through it. The readers can probably guess earlier as I mention her coat colours, but I don't confirm until then. It's a little trick I picked up somewhere along the way. Going along with that, while describing things, go for broad strokes first, fill in details as time goes on. It gets irritating to read a full page dedicated to describing a character in minute detail, because realistically the majority of the time we don't see everything at once, we pick up the larger details then the smaller. Case in point, while anyone reading the return scene for Spitfire knows she's a fighter, they don't know she's got scars in specific places until the scene after where she returns to her pony form and actually checks, finding the scar along her foreleg, though I'd imagine most people will at that point figure it's likely on the left, even though I don't say it is, which is mostly due to the fact around 90% of people are right handed, meaning if they do anything, they're likely to use their right hand out the gate.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4114033
So she was one of the first ones taken then? That could be good. The other travellers can then find her later when they start their quest. I would say that this being Twilight she wouldnt forget how to use Equish, but she may just prefer canine.

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

Thinking about her staying a forest or away from ponies when she gets back and only comes out when she is found by another pony.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4114756
Cool, that works. Just take on board what Ghrathyrn and I mentioned about you're writing, and things should go fine.
Oh, and I'm sure we'll find Twilight. We have Blueblood in a tank with sensors out the ass, Spitfire and co who are all expert trackers and hunters, and Rainbow Dash and Gilda, one of whom is a strong force user, and the other is a trained hunter. I think we'll know if we're being watched. :pinkiecrazy:

4114101
4115078

If Twilight's in the Everfree near Ponyville or Canterlot, I'm fairly sure they'll figure out that there's something out there, though given what everyone's been through, I'd imagine they'd be pretty wary about things. Also the night after my group get back, she might hear some nonsense wolf calls. Something I figure Spitfire and Nightshade would likely to if they were in a teasing mood, since they went to the Wolf school of Witchers at Kaer Morhen and they often travelled with Geralt when they went as a group, Geralt having the nickname 'White Wolf'. I'll have to expand the idea, but it's probably something they started while drunk and they'd probably drunk a few normal folks under the table at that point given their biology and the Witcher poison resistance (they'd have to have some otherwise most of their potions would kill them a lot faster).

Also, with regards to what you said in PMs, Fenrisian, I'm going to keep the group, but I'll drop the Section 8 universe, just have most of the ponies end up in the Dforgrym universe, with Spitfire and Nightshade separated for some reason and eventually finding a portal that links them up. Said portal transforms them into local beings as it's linked to the same storm that sent them away initially, they just don't get the abilities until they've got dragon blood, which results in permanent changes along with the things the Trial of the Grasses changes. I'm thinking that two things happen, a) Spitfire and Nightshade either fell out early or late and being in the storm tore a hole between the places the ponies ended up and b) while it physically changes them, a decent amount of who and what they are is still physically them from Equestria, only changing when something is added, such as needing blood transfusions or undergoing medi-magical augmentation.

In regards to the characters themselves… well, Spitfire and Nightshade are the protagonists in my group, so they're the ones getting the most screen time, Civa and C'ret are pretty much minor characters, C'ret doesn't actually talk at all and Civa's content to be in the background a lot. The others are semi-major characters so they'll get screen time, just not as often and probably as part of a group. :twilightsheepish: I've had groups of 25 or more major characters before so 10 is less of a burden to deal, and only 8 of them are really going to get heavy use, the other two are almost always going to be with someone and 'around'.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4117484
That's col. It wasn't so much the amount of characters, it was the fact you had claimed two totally different universes slightly cnfused me.

And yeah, they'll probably be rumors about Twilight, just like there are rumors of a giant metal monster protecting towns.

4117659

Well I was initially planning on having each pair of ponies get different experiences in areas that were outside their comfort zones, so Spitfire and Nightshade, who are used to team work and performance ended up near solo against monsters that can travel in packs, the magickers had a universe without magic and where things sail the stars while the pair that usually end up panicking over everything were in a situation where they're going to end up confronting things that would make most run screaming, but have people there to give them encouragement.

Of course that was the initial plan when expanding things, along with the storms resulting in them ending up in the same universe eventually, but with enough time to get used to things before returning. That said, I've not written too much on the newer quartet so far, just pretty much the starter scenes and started a second scene for the opposite side of their getting back in touch with one another. On the other hand, I've got over 6K already done, two thirds of which I believe is about locked baring anyone else's stuff overlapping and needing to be accounted for. Dunno if things will reach the level of some of the epics amongst the Warrior's Return style fics, but I think I've got at least a couple of chapters worth so far plus a bit of lead up to the return.

Wonder how many tropes we're going to end up hitting both on purpose and accidentally.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4117703
You do realise that the majority of this story is focusing on the characters after thry return right? Or are you planning on writing a side story? (Which would be awesome btw)

4118196

*shrugs* Not sure, I usually tend towards writing as things go, maybe some rough ideas for scenes but seeing what happens for the most part.

4118196
4114756

We probably ought to put a time limit on the sign ups so we can kick things into gear on the actual fic as well. Probably ought to see if we can agree a schedule for chapter releases as well, since we're going to need to ensure we've enough time to get a chapter in and review it before posting it and even cycling we probably ought to ensure people know they're at least somewhat on the clock, otherwise we'll have some not really doing much.

Speaking of, how many places has this been advertised aside from here?

And going with that, where are we putting chapters to be checked before they're posted?

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

Could use Google docs to share chapters before posted?
4118619
4118196

4120110

So doing something like this? Spitfire/Nightshade first chapter. If it's done correctly that should be a version of the chapter I've got to the point of being locked in scene content, though possibly needing edits and comments should be enabled. Scene titles will be removed in the final version, they're in for now so I know what's where and when.

ponybornhuman
Group Admin

Nice chapter and I think you introduced most of your character's in that chapter(or start of one)
4120396

4120436

I think the only character that's not really introduced fully there is C'ret and she's a pet more than anything, so while she's mentioned, she's not massively important to the story at this point. Depending on where things go, she will probably be brought into a bit more detail later, possibly due to exploring J'kreth's past some, possibly due to needing scouts and J'kreth working with her.

The rest… trying to keep it in the 5K upper limit means I can't spend too much time with all of them and Spitfire and Nightshade are the main protagonists for my group so they get most screen time. With luck, I'll have given enough info to start building pictures of the group and their mental, physical and emotional states, which should be interesting to explore through the first arc of the fic, maybe into the second when the entire group starts looking for the source of the storms and Luna.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4120445
For chapters, I was thinking we get everyone to write their bit about their character being taken, then we work out time order and make that the first chapter. Same idea with the second chapter, except with them returning. We can then start the main story line. And yeah, we'll set up a gdocs thing for this, or discuss it on the new forums.
As for places I've advertised, I've only posted it here.

4123942

Good thing I'm using WriteItNow for my own work then, since I can muck with scene order pretty readily on it. Huh… Might be worth me doing the ordering if things are set up on Gdocs. I can copy each scene from someone's work into a new scene and then reorder them as needed, unless you're using a writing program that has scenes separated for ease of use.

With regards to adverts, I know a few communities that might be useful, namely the crossover, sci-fi or war based ones.

In terms of current order for the scenes, I think PonyBornHuman wanted Twilight as one of the first taken, no idea on VampDash or anyone else though given both our other writers are using someone form the Mane 6, it's possible they're fairly close together, though there is a storm in Canterlot before my group is hit, so possibly mine are after yours there. On returns, from what I've heard so far it's Twilight (3 years ago), The Good Prince (2 years ago) and my hunters and Dash roughly the same period.

Edit: Posted a thread over on the main Crossovers group.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4123955
That order sounds about right to me. If we get everyone to write up their part of the chapter, they can post it in the group, and then we can sort it out once we get the story uploaded. We are still a way off from that, but it should be fine.
Or, we could all write in a Gdoc, so that everyone can see what everyone else has written and make references to it during their part, like Spitfire mentioning the destruction of Canterlot and e initiation of Starfall, etc.

4124072

Don't think I can really put much for Starfall without knowing more about it myself, though I could easily add a bit more detail to how 'bucked' Canterlot is, though at this point it wouldn't cause the example scene to be updated since it's entirely likely that it'd go over the twelve words I could fit in that and still be in its limit.

I think with regards to the actual writing, if we're doing mixed chapters rather than focusing on one band for a chapter, it'd probably be easier to have people post the scenes in the forum then have someone copy into a document or a program that gives writers the ability to focus on scenes and rearrange them as necessary, discus the order and have that person or those people deal with the rearranging before posting the complete chapter somewhere for review by others before adding to the story.

FenrisianBrony
Group Admin

4124132
Right then, when we get started we'll post up a thread for new chapters for the story. We can then see what we have, rearrange it and post it as needed.
Starfall is pretty much a contingency to allow the unicorns to take back control of the sun if Celestia is unable or unwilling to carry on her duties. It is mostly political stuff, but the main point is to get the needed unicorns in place to perform the ritual. You don't have to include anything about it though, it was just an example of how we can link things. Oh, and as for the word count, it is really more a rough guide rather than a set in stone 'THOU SHALT WRITE NO MORE' sort of thing.

4124332

Considering my scenes have a tendency to end up long if I don't watch them, I'm probably going to take the limit as relatively hard, so I keep things less than 20% over, otherwise knowing myself, I'd end up with another 7.5K or larger scene if I was dealing with a big enough thing, such as a large battle or conference.

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