The story is HIE, with a first-contact and post-cyberpunk twist.

(Rating will be Teen, with some light gore and sexual themes.)

First chapter done, and I would like some feedback.

Find it here.

Oh, and it is only a working tittle. I know its a horrible name.

Alright, I've given it a read and I have to say that I'm impressed, enough so that I've added your other story to my Read Later pile.

Anyway, the technical aspects, grammar, spelling, tone, formatting, word use, et cetera, mostly varied from good to excellent. There were a few "then" and "than" that were mixed up, as well as a few typos and other minor gramatical flubs.

Masterful use of showing VS telling: You got across the general tech level, specifics details of said tech and the beginning of the central plot with no blatant exposition, bravo.

You introduced many concepts and characters without it feeling like you were cramming the info down our throats and the characters themselves were delightful.

Descriptions are excellent, it really paints the scene in your head, execellent use of small details.

As for criticism:

The beginning could use some work. It's a bit jarring and slightly confusing, as I really had no idea what the basic set up was for this 'verse. However, this can easily be remedied in the description.

The chapter is masterfully written and the character interactions are as well, but the chapter is, essentially, rather devoid of any major events. It basically boils down to a few points: The captain and #431, if I recall her number correctly, plan a date, a phonecall is made about security personel and the captain decided on a crew complement. Everything else in the chapter is, if you pardon the term, filler or fluff. Said fluff is essential to a good story and to good writing, but isn't very plot relevant and/or exciting.

While you do an excellent job of endearing the characters to the readers in a very short period of time, I would suggest writing another chapter, or even a few, before publishing, so that readers have some meaty plot to bite into when they first read the story.

On a side note, did you have an editor go over this? It's honestly very well polished if it's just a draft.