Hello, I'm Golden Hoof, just here to get some friendly advice on a story I've been working on. Link

Note: Only the first chapter is in third person; all chapters revolving around the main protagonist will be told in first person limited format.

I've gotten through the first chapter and overall I like it.

Grammar and paragraphing is generally good, plenty of buildup about the legends surrounding Time Manor. Hourglass seems to be suitabley mysterious with a solid dollop of heartless cruelty.

The opening scene kinda reminded me of the start to Stokers Dracula. Ending scene is ripped directly from Amnesia: The Dark Descent

EDIT: Thumbed and faved