Now while I have plans for a future Fic that will be right at home here but I would like to know if my Fic Evil's return would be acceptable here and where it would go if it was.

Feedback on the story itself would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time.

No creature is born evil. they either become, are made or are turned evil. Except one creature.

Error in the description.

evil. they

You really should read your own story by not skimming through it, but rather trying to enjoy it from other's perspective. You'll find such errors with ease then.
It will greatly improve fav/like raiting.

Why I pointed it out right away? There are many grammar nazi (on fimfiction) that upon seeing such things just skip the story alltogether.

While I'm at it...

a monster

So powerful

Um... Too much.

compared to it

and with

exist......

3 periods is enough.

Good thing such a creature doesn't really exist...... Right?

->

Such creature don't really exist... Right?

Use of spoiler tag is better than using multiple periods. Or, for short, formatting is your friend.

As embarrassing as those comments where I thank you. I will get to work on the corrections right away. What of the idea behind the story? What do you think of that so far?.

1137030
I'll read it today.
Premise promisses some good horror.

And sorry for littering with comments. Could have made a one big post.

“Definitely more to this raven than first appears,” thought Chrysalis.

Move to next line, convert into italics. Thoughts are best when in italics. Last two words may be removed as story so far goes from Chrysalis perspective.

“What?,”

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Such things don't fill whole screen. Best to change formatting to "Center" and change into something more stylish.
Or use regular break from formatting options.

“Hi Rainbow Dash,” said the others in greeting.

Why do I have a sense of school in that line?
Maybe "everyone greeted her" would be better ?
Or maybe it's just me.

“Hi Pinkie pie,” the others chorused.

Since this point it looks like an inside joke I don't get. Their inside joke. Now why would ponies greet latecomers in chorus?

As the unicorn considered this the conductor called out “ALL ABOARD,” the whistle blew and the train juddered into motion.

This should be a separate paragraph, I think. Should it?

A big NO: Making a wall of text when someone speaks. Looks good in books, looks bad in HTML (web).

“Hello my little ponies, I’m so glad you came, and I see you brought the elements,” said the regal alicorn, a relieved look on her face. “What’s wrong? Why did you call us here?” asked Twilight.
“A few weeks ago there was an increase in reports of trouble in Canterlot. Houses broken into, property damaged, power cables cut, ponies having accidents and old rivalries flaring up again. I have no idea what’s causing this, and the problems just keep stacking up”. She paused for a moment to look through the folders. “That, however, is not what I need help with. Rumblings have been heard from under the city and with all these problems I can’t help with the investigations personally. I need you to find the cause of the rumblings and deal with it if you can.” The princess hadn’t noticed Fluttershy hovering at her shoulder examining the photos attached to the reports.
“Of course Princess but wouldn’t you like some help with those reports?” asked Twilight.
“I’m sure I can manage on my own,” said Celestia, sounding unconvinced “but thank you for the offer.”
“All right then, come on girls we got work to do,” said Applejack. And with that the six sped out the room.
Nopony heard Fluttershy mutter. “Some of those looked like they were done by a bird of prey”.

A simple re-do:

“Hello my little ponies, I’m so glad you came, and I see you brought the elements,” said the regal alicorn, a relieved look on her face.

“What’s wrong? Why did you call us here?” asked Twilight.

Wait... Wait... Hold on a second! You HAD a proofreader?
This thought just struck me only now. Really? You did?

second time in many minutes

Didn't it happen like less a minute ago? Wouldn't it be appropriate to say "in not so many minutes"?

this thing seemed to radiate fear.
But what was this creature?

Move it one more line lower. Don't spare space, there is more than enough in the Internet.
Also, pacing. You might as well get a little more descriptive about how Celestia and Luna react.

So far, I'll say keep posting chapters and work on them. Later you might do a full re-write into a detailed version.

“What I want now though is to eliminate any potential threat to me.” His voice became very sinister.
“Starting with you.” Celestia’s face hardened.

Now if same person is speaking, you don't need to move text to next line.

I think that covers it all. Or most parts. I'm not very observant.

1140252
Thank you again for those pointing those out and while I did have a proofreader he didn't know how the story would be shown in Fimfiction so that is why there is a lack of spacing. Once again I will make the necessary changes.
Could you please tell me what you thought of the idea though. I want to know what others think of what is in the story as well as the mistakes.

1141180
The idea is good. What lacks is descriptions.
I will say it again, first post ALL of the story as it is in your head now. As well as you can. This will be enough because idea is good.

Once all chapters are posted and story is tagged as complete you can ask for an editor and a re-viewer in specialized groups:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/916/school-for-new-writers/
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/197295/authors-helping-authors

As you see from their names, they are made for that cause.
DO read the rules.

Why did I suggest to post it as it is instead of trying to refine it right now?
Because refining takes patience, focus and all that things that eat away creativity (not always). By posting story you will have a skeleton complete.
Usually big named writers do this with preset group of proofreaders and editors.

Example:
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/22618/flitter
Read Scraps chapter. There is explanation.

You will get more views and more likes eventually.