Hey all, I'm working on a vampony story with Twilight as the main character, and I'm a bit stuck.

The prologue is focused on a town in Hayseed Swamp that is fed on by the vamponies over the duration of a week. Each day, the symptoms develop, starting with a few ponies looking sick, to the final day where ponies die from lack of blood. My problem lies in Day Two, the first symptoms showing.

It feels, tacky. I want the readers to get to know these two characters in the prologue, and I want to build up the suspense in such a way that reactions feel natural. But in doing that I'm hitting the tacky, slow problem I mentioned. Is there any way to avoid the cons of keeping things natural?

I would go to one of the author help groups, but I feel that people in this group would be far more experienced in the area I'm going for.

957175
One thing that I could think of would be to find some way to introduce a quick history of the town. And also any vampire troubles, for it or any other town, in the past. So that we have some insight to your universe that this story takes place. (Yes I know it's in equestria, but every storie's Equestria is at least a little bit different.)

957262

That's actually a really great idea. Part of this story is that the vamponies are a new development, thus the town has no idea what is biting them, but developing the town's history really hit the nail for me. I planned to have Twilight visit the town weeks after the prologue, and having some back story to work with would be excellent.

It really is amazing just how much a single phrase can do to clear out writers block.

I forgot to mention that this is a completely AU story, it's all the characters and settings from the show, but without Nightmare Moon and the EoH to start with. Developing history is actually something I should put a great deal of effort into.

957273
Agreed. A single phrase or word of encouragement is all it takes for great things to happen. Though It is equally true that greatness can be taken down by but one insult.
Also message me once you post this, this seems interesting.

957318

I certainly will, though that won't be for another three weeks. It's nice to know that I've gained some interest from just a few paragraphs that barely begin to describe the plot.

957379
T-th-three weeks?

957414

I want it to have a really high quality start. And I'm searching for an artist for the cover, rather than doing it myself yet again. It's a bit hard to find clean vectors of Twilight in vampire hunting armour.

957434 I suppose it would be

957460

It's also quite surprising how satisfied I can be with a lame attempt at making a cover.

Twilight Before the Dawn It's a start I guess? xD

957996
(Warning armature advice) I think that adding a faint red haze over the pic would add some aesthetics to it. Also maybe tinting twi's eyes red as well. (Yes it's cliche but too bad.)

958057

Well I took your advice once again, and I'm very satisfied with the results. It does feel slightly more evil with the red tint, and changing Twilight's eyes makes a big difference to the overall mood.

958095
I like it.
Can't wait for it to get posted.

957175Y'know, you _could_ rework that for a 'Cthulu Mythos' sort of story.

You first need two things, First a little thing to pull us into the story with intreague, however then almost immedately afterwards, Slow down the pace again, make something peaceful. The fight and darker scenes feels much more powerful if you have some times of Happiness in between
Its Contrast that does it

958446

Well, in case you're interested, that's exactly how I ended up doing it!

1080545
Oh? I am Glad I was able to give some good advice then