I'm sitting here bored out of my skull and was wondering if anyone wants to crit' Devil's Due for me. I already know that there is a few spelling/grammatical error here and there from chapters 1-10 due to not having an editor. That isn't what I am asking. I want you to go in and talk to me about the content. I already know that I do combat well but it is the romance and slice o' life chapters I am worried about. Just be blunt with me about it. You have to try hard to hurt my feelings.

366775 I will be honest, the beginning suck ass. I'm sorry, but.. Its true. Heres a quote from your first commenter, IraqLobstah.

-"Ryan has had enough. He has spent 21 years of his life alone, forgotten, and unloved"
Okay, stop it right there.

This is a PAINFULLY standard HIE fic, isnt it? Do I even need
to read this to understand what is going to happen?-

This is always how it begins. Human sad. Human dies or human brought to Equestria through either deliberate or accidental means. Human happy. Shipped with a pony.

Secondly, you go against one of YOUR OWN HiE rules! Why the hell did Rainbow Dash just suddenly fall In love with Ryan? Was I not paying enough attention when I read this? Did he save her from a changling? If so, that was still AFTER they boned...

Thats all I got, Il add when I can.

366795

Remember how I changed the bio shortly after that and how I have been trying to expand on the reasons for the romance? I'll try and expand on that shit later but I know that the end is approaching rapidly and the sequel... heh... the sequel will be brutal. I hope you like violence, angst, and swearing. It is basically gonna take everything Devil's Due set up and smash it into pieces.

EDIT: I came up with those rules around chapter 20 when I realized how cliches my fic was.

366802

THEN IT SHALL BE SO!

366804

You seem to be taking this in stride. Give me your hypothesis on what will happen based on the sample I gave. It will please me.

Sample? What sample? And the taking It In stride Is just my nature.. Laid back and what not.

366813

This sample

366916

He'll show up later. Trust me.