My Review of Austin Powers in Goldmember · 5:27pm Sep 20th, 2022

Rating Scale:

12/10—a complete masterpiece; flawless and outstanding
11/10—Excellent, near-perfect film
10/10—the standard rating; awesome film with a couple of flaws
9/10—a wonderful film with several flaws
8/10–a great film with numerous flaws but not enough to ruin it
7/10—a fun and entertaining movie; not great but still enjoyable
6/10—a slightly above average film; it is something I might watch again
5/10—mediocre movie; not awful but not great either
4/10—a below average film; it could have been much better
3/10—a bad film; poorly written and poorly executed
2/10—a very bad movie; the few good things in the movie overshadowed by the bad things
1/10—a terrible movie; a total waste of time
0/10—a worthless piece of abomination; should have never been made

Greetings, everyone! This is Mr. J back with another movie review for today! This afternoon, I will be reviewing the third movie of this AP trilogy entitled: Austin Powers in Goldmember from 2002 per the request of Akula966. After I watched the last movie a couple months ago, I was really disappointed with the film, and somewhat hoped that this sequel would be an improvement in some way. Last night, I watched this for the first time with an open mind. Unfortunately, it was exactly what was wrong with the previous installment but amplified slightly worse. This is by far the worst one out of this trilogy which is really disappointing to me because I wanted it to end with a banger; alas, it didn't meet my expectations.

This movie shows us once again Austin Powers fighting against Dr. Evil...but this time, he has his father involved. On top of trying to resolve his daddy issues, Mini-Me feels left out and unloved by Dr. Evil as he now suddenly loves Scott; thus, he teams up with Austin to stop Evil's plans.

First off, the plot was just horrendously executed with no logic or depth involved in the process. The movie goes out of its way to repeat the same dirty jokes from the last movie and use meta humor as a way to excuse itself from being shameless and downright stupid. Throughout the whole movie, I didn't laugh or chuckle at any of the jokes involving Dr. Evil, Austin Powers, and any of the minor characters. There were some amusing scenes with Mini-Me, but it wasn't enough to make up for its atrocious comedy.

Don't get me started with Beyonce's character in this; her character was empty, shallow, generic, and meaningless just so that she could be sexy as a potential love interest like you would normally find in Michael Bay's movies (although this trilogy was directed by Jay Roach). That's all I have to say of her. The acting was subpar and underwhelming even though Mike Myers and Michael Caine did their best with the horrible script they were given.

The new villain Goldmember was just a lame antagonist. There was nothing unique or interesting about him whatsoever, and he only served as an annoyance than a threatening villain. Oh, and I hated seeing Fat Bastard again in this movie. Although he was less disgusting in this than in the last movie, he didn't change one bit (except for his weight).

Lastly, the plot twist that Dr. Evil is the son of Nigel Powers--thus, being the brother of Austin Powers--made some sense, but the following results were rather anticlimactic. Now learning that his arch-nemesis is his brother and that his latest victim is his long-lost father, they're now suddenly friends?? Their years-long rivalry is now over simply because of a long-overdue family reunion? I mean, I can see what they were going for, but it was the way it was executed that I have issues with. Had there been some foreshadowing or hints that they are related (aside from looking similar thanks to Mike Myers playing them both), it would have been easier to swallow. Having Dr. Evil still remain...well, "evil"...would have made more sense to me.

So yeah, that's all I have to say, ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary friends. I will rate this a solid 3/10! In conclusion, the Austin Powers trilogy is not my cup of tea. No offense to my friend Akula, but these movies do not appeal to me that much with their type of story, dialogue, and acting. The first film however is the only one I consider to be tolerable at best. Just my honest, humble opinion. Nevertheless, I thank you for requesting these movies for me to watch, Akula.

Peace out, folks.

P.S. I learned that a fourth movie was in development for a long time ever since this film's release. To simply put it....if it is ever released....I will never watch it. Toodles!