Villain Dialogue #6: A Living Hell

*The God of the Underworld was screaming angrily while blazes of fire flew in the air. He angrily destroyed his table and slammed his fists on the wall which caused it to crack.*


HADES: DANG IT! DANG IT! DANG IT!!!! I almost had that worthless glory hog!! (his head erupted like a volcano after he said so)

PAIN: At least you tried, boss. (nervously smiles)

PANIC: Yeah... uh...is there something we could get for you?

PAIN: Maybe some worm soup for lunch?

HADES: Hmmm... hey, you know what? Maybe there could be something that could cheer me up. Playing with fire! (throws fireballs at his minions)

*Pain and Panic run around in circles trying to avoid getting hit by the inferno*


HADES: Ah, now this is my kind of entertainment. Speaking of which, I gotta play Tennis Skull with one of my friends on the other side. Hopefully, he doesn’t sing his stupid song to me again like he always does. I don't know why I always gotta be the sane one.

*As Hades was getting ready to leave his lair, he heard a haunting laugh echoing from downstairs which was followed by screams from the Fates. The trio flew upstairs and hid behind the bewildered god.*


HADES: Please don’t tell me it’s him again...

THE FATES: It is... him!

HADES: Great... just what I need after my recent failure. (facepalms)

*Joker’s ghost flew up while making fake ghost noises and sticking his tongue out at them. He then laughed at Hades for the frowny face he was making.*


HADES: Joker, how many times are you going to come back? Like seriously, GET A DIFFERENT HOBBY!

JOKER: Awww, is that in any way to welcome an old friend, Hadey-Wadey? My feelings are hurt!

HADES: First off, don’t call me that. Secondly, are you seriously this addicted to being killed off every single time?! I don’t want you here, slaughter-breath! This is the one thousandth time you’re bothering me!

JOKER: Maybe it’s because I love you, old chum. Give me a kiss! *Hades pushes Joker away and snaps his fingers. Joker’s ghost disappears.*


HADES: I really need to make a rule that says “No crazies allowed!”. (Rubs his forehead) Man, I need to take a break. I had a long, stressful day.

*Hades takes his clothes off and heads into the water-filled tub. As he was bathing, he calmly inhaled and exhaled in relaxation before he grabbed a bowl of worms and ate. Just then, Joker’s head appeared just beneath Hades.*


JOKER: Hey there, hot stuff... literally. I never realized how big you are—

HADES: AHHHHH!!!!!! *the water gets boiled hot with fire and explodes.*

Later

*Hades walks his dog Cerberus outside the Underworld. While he was casually whistling, Cerberus started to angrily bark at the air. Confused, Hades turns and sees Joker floating with his ghostly parachute.*


JOKER: Hiya, Hades! Want to fly out with me? I can show you... A Whole New World!


HADES: SHUT UP! How is it that copyright hasn’t stripped you of your speaking privileges?!

JOKER: Dance to the music, Hellboy! *plays the U Can’t Touch This music*


HADES: No! I hate that music! Stop him, Cerberus! What the—?

*Cerberus dances with Joker. Enraged, Hades blew up in flames and screams to the heavens.*


HADES: LEAVE. ME. ALONE! Do you not understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?!

JOKER: ........(smirks)

HADES: What do you want from me?! Power? Wealth? What?!

JOKER: Oh, nothing much. Just one tiny, simple favor if you don’t mind. Grant me my life back, give me immense strength, and boom! I’m out of your hair—well, not literally. In that way, you won’t ever have to see me again. Sounds like a deal?

*Hades considers this in silence. After a few moments, he slowly smiled.*


HADES: (whispers) Joker being alive sounds terrifying enough, but at least I won’t see his insufferable behind ever again. (Turns to Joker) Alright then, clown face, you got yourself a deal. But remember that if you are killed again, I will send you to a different underworld where I won’t be responsible for you. Got it? I don’t babysit clowns. I mean, come on, do I look like a circus clown babysitter to you?

JOKER: Fair enough. Let’s shake!

HADES: Don’t even. You know that buzzer thingy won’t work on me. Don’t you ever take that off?

JOKER: I forget sometimes. Hahahahaha!

HADES: (groans) Let’s get this over with already. *He zaps Joker with fire. After a few seconds, the flames surrounded the latter and made him flesh and blood again. The inferno disappeared, and Joker touched his own body to see himself fully alive.*


JOKER: The Clown Prince of Crime is back, baby! Batman, here I come!

HADES: Good. Now get lost and don’t come back as agreed. Okay? Okay.

JOKER: Bye-bye, sweetie! Say hi to the kids for me! Hopefully, our voice actors can meet someday!

HADES: Yeah, yeah, whatever—wait, what?