Slight Update on Life, the Story, and the Meaning of Whatever Else

Hello. It's been a little bit since I wrote one of these. In all honesty, I haven't been back to the site since I posted that last blog entry. Things have been, well, they suck. I want to work on things here, peruse the stories, see what's happening in the world of ponies, but I've been dealing with too much to remember to come back until now.

My uncle has lung cancer, and he's not doing well. This has exacerbated my extreme anxiety and paranoia to new levels; half of what I seem to be doing now is worrying about my family and their well-being. I know it sounds awful of me to think about how this has affected me instead of how my uncle is doing, but that's how it is, and I've been told that airing such feelings can help with them. I know a therapist would probably say that it's okay to feel like this, but it still doesn't feel okay. So, that's one thing that's been bothering me lately, my uncle, my worry for him, and my guilt for letting it affect me like this.

Then there's my job. I'm supposed to be doing very limited part time while I work on getting a degree, I work for two days, for two hours each day. It's enough that I get used to the line of work so I can be ready and experienced for when I finish my schooling. Now they've suddenly upped my hours to five days from 9 to 5. Luckily, I can accommodate this change because of something else that happened that has left me worse for wear. And, it's only for this coming week, then it goes back to normal. Still, it's very nerve wracking, and I feel that I'm going to fail no matter what; I've been having near panic attacks all weekend. Everyone around me says there's nothing to worry about, but I just can't help it. I know I can't really do this. All I can do is try to fake my way through this one week and hope nothing goes wrong (even though it inevitably will).

That leads me to the last new development. You see, I go to, or used to go to (have to get used to that), a special education transitional school, one that would help me get ready for the 'real world'. It's outside my town, but it really helped, and I was preparing for my final year. Then my local school board yanked me out. They gave excuses, said I could go to their program and all, that I didn't need it anymore, the usual stuff. What they didn't admit to my face was their real reason for taking me out of the program. There was a meeting scheduled, of which I was supposed to be at, as was my mother, but I wasn't able to attend in person, and when my mother and I tried to call into the meeting, they wouldn't let us in, at least at first. When we did get in, they must not have noticed, because the person in charge of the board was saying how I wasn't making them enough money, how I wasn't a good investment, things like that. In short, they were pulling me out of a program where I was getting the help I need because they weren't making money off of it. Isn't that nice? They scheduled me a tour of their facilities, even brought in someone I knew from another school to try and convince me, which I felt was really low of them to do. In the end I figured they weren't going to let me go back, so I just asked to be able to move on to the next step in my life. They weren't too happy about that, but now I'm out of their hair, hence why I can do that full week at work on such short notice. Still, now I have to come up with a new plan of action on how to proceed with my goals in life, which could take a while.

So, yeah, a lot of stuff was thrown around, all in the span of about two, two and a half weeks. Everything is kind of in shambles right now, my mental state especially, but again, it's said airing all this out could help, so here's hoping. I'm sorry if none of you wanted to hear about my life, but I had to put it somewhere. All this also means I'm not going to be working on my story for right now, and that's probably all anyone cares about. Again, sorry if you don't care to hear about this stuff, or if some of it bummed you out, or whatever. That's all there is to it, I guess. To anyone still reading this, I hope everything is going well for you, and have a good day/night.