More accurate Mind Scanners diagnoses

Any of you heard of this indie game called Mind Scanners? Markiplier made a Let's Play of it:

Anyway, it is a psychiatrist simulator (for lack of better words) that takes places in this dystopian future, where you scan your patients' minds, declare them sane or insane, and use all sorts of gizmos to cure your patients of their insanity should you declare them insane.

Anyway, I noticed the diagnoses sounded a bit bogus (then again, that's kind of the point since the game does take place in an Orwellian future) so I decided to give the patients Markiplier declared insane with more accurate diagnoses. Now, keep in mind (no pun intended) that I am not a psychiatrist nor am I a mental health professional. But I do have a decent enough knowledge of mental conditions that I correctly guessed my brother had borderline personality disorder before he actually received a clinical diagnosis so...

• Rutger Hoof: Psychosis. Or at least some sort of delusional disorder. Why else would anyone believe they are an oak tree? Unless they're Fluttershy.
• Barbara Brandenburg: Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (not to be confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder) with delusions of grandeur. Though I don't think I've heard of anyone with OCPD wishing to cut one of their fingers off because they think it might be too long. But given her perfectionism, rigidity, and devotion to her "craft", she definitely fits OCPD more than she does OCD.
• Bert Herbert: Schizophrenia. Now, one could make the argument that he's a normal person with a vivid imagination and an imaginary friend that he treats as real. But who's to say his "imagination" wasn't the product of hallucinations and delusions? Plus, before he was cured of his condition, he had a poverty of speech, which can be a common symptom seen in schizophrenics (well, when they ain't spewing word salad, that is). Though, one thing that kinda bugs me is that the reason Bert is lonely is because he's shy while some if not most schizophrenics are asocial.
• Crystiine: Body dysmorphic disorder. Maybe some form of dissociation as well. Not entirely sure why she would want other people to be turned into cyborgs like her, though.

Might continue this list if Markiplier continues his Let's Play of Mind Scanners. Richard Del Romeo and Oliver Zinski look promising.

Oh, and as a side-note, I would thrive as a Mind-Scanner.