My Little Devotional: "Be Yourself Only Better"

Inspiration for Today’s Devotional: “She’s All Yak”

In this episode, Yona Yak found herself asked on a date to the Amity Ball with Sandbar. Unfortunately, because the Amity Ball was very much steeped in “pony” customs and tradition, this led her to believe that in order to be acceptable to Sandbar that she had to embrace and follow the same traditions–essentially remaking herself as a “pony” too. When that fell through, it left her rather devastated and feeling very disappointed and discouraged with herself. However, Sandbar reassured her that he liked her for “being her” all along, not because she wanted to redefine herself as someone she wasn’t.

While I only ended up on the front end of that generation, I still fall into the age group known as “millennials”. And one of the big things that I can remember was emphasized over and over to us growing up was the need for a healthy amount of “self-esteem”. We were all told how great we were for being unique and how we should appreciate all of our individual traits and characteristics as what made us special and wonderful. Self-esteem was viewed as the ultimate panacea for all of life’s problems in those days. It was how we were supposed to cope with bullying, what we were supposed to lean on when we weren’t doing as well in certain areas as other peers, and was seen as the end goal to personal happiness.

The concept of self-esteem has seen more of a backlash in recent years. Nowadays, it’s often viewed as an excuse for entitlement or narcissism. And it’s no coincidence that other generations accuse millennials of being a group of “special snowflakes”. To a degree, I think some of those complaints are justified. The tendency in my generation nowadays is to never believe that one’s own viewpoint on society or human relationships or self-image is ever flawed, but rather it’s everyone else who needs to change to accommodate that…which is pretty much the definition of narcissism. Worse yet, we’re to the point that anyone who challenges someone’s world view is not merely disagreeing with them or arguing with them, but that to even present an alternative is not only an “act of hate” but an act of physical aggression–therefore justifying physical violence in retribution.

In my experience, one of the leading opponents against the concept of self-esteem has been the Church, and to little surprise. When taken to the extreme, one can see that prizing one’s personal self-esteem above everything else could lead to a form of subjectivism, or basically “becoming a god in and of oneself”. If the ultimate goal of morality becomes to do whatever makes me feel good about myself, it’s not hard to imagine how that can end up becoming unhealthy or toxic.

This has led some churches to reject the idea of self-esteem entirely. Instead, they preach “God-esteem”, saying that what should be the sole focus of the Christian is not whether they like or approve of themselves but whether God likes and approves of them. Whether we have value in his eyes and whether our conduct and behavior is in line with what pleases him.

However, in my opinion, like the concept of self-esteem itself, I think the notion of “God-esteem” is something that sounds good on paper or conceptually but can just as easily be misapplied and distorted.

For one thing, I don’t think the idea of self-esteem is entirely a bad thing like some would say. One of the biggest lines in the Bible, the so-called “Golden Rule”, is to love your neighbor as yourself. (Leviticus 19:18) As has been pointed out in past sermons…what if you hate yourself? While the verdict on self-esteem may be in some debate, the idea of self-efficacy is far more widely accepted. If you think you’re worthless, if you think you’re incapable, if you think you’ll fail at everything you try, and if you think you’re completely unlovable, then odds are more than likely that you’ll end up acting in a way that reinforces those ideas and create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which you’ll end up unloved and never trying anything. At the bare minimum, if you want to be loved, you have to feel that you’re worth love. If you want to do good, then you have the believe you’re capable of doing good.

One might counter that “God-esteem” can fulfill that purpose. We can want to be loved by others because God loved us first, for example (1 John 4:19). And God can aid us to do things that we never were capable of doing on our own as well, including great acts of goodness (Philippians 4:13). This is true, and that is why “God-esteem” isn’t such a bad idea in the general sense. However, remember again my recurring theme about how our perspective on God’s Word and his Command is only as good as our “world view lenses” and if we can truly study and learn from it without distorting it to fit whatever perspective we want. Don’t forget that many preachers and churches see God as a source of terrible wrath and condemnation; ready to smite at a moment’s notice. Others treat God as a personal “divine credit card” who is at your beck and call to give you prosperity and health at a snap of one’s fingers. Depending on what things we choose to focus on in our devotional life, we could easily go to an extreme of thinking God approves of us no matter what we do, including when habitually sinning, or the opposite extreme of thinking God will give us eternal damnation for one slip-up.

Furthermore, whenever we hinge our self worth and value solely on an individual’s opinion, we run a risk of that becoming a means of control. It’s certainly the case for people who are codependent or in abusive relationships, and it would be naïve and (frankly) foolish to think that churches can’t do the same. There are horror stories of both churches and supposedly-religious individuals who committed acts of physical, mental, and even sexual abuse while proclaiming that this was “God’s Will” to keep their victims shackled. After all, if God will hate me if I don’t submit to this abuse, and I don’t want God to start hating me and condemning me, then I should submit to this abuse, shouldn’t I? Or other stories of churches that advocate its members to perform acts of violence, hate, or anything else that would, under normal circumstances, result in shame and conviction…because it doesn’t matter if you think it’s wrong in your heart, so long as that church tells you that God thinks it’s right. (As I’ve stated before, this is far worse poison to Christianity than any slander, scorn, or outward terrorist violence.)

In my personal opinion, God-esteem can be a good thing when used as it was originally intended–namely as a reassurance of God’s love and acceptance while not excusing our sin and motivating us to repent and change for the better. The question becomes when do we know that we’re using this for a positive self-image and encouragement toward goodly living and when do we know it’s being used as a tool of manipulation?

To me, the answer comes from God’s Word:

“For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

Remember, God created us and our individuality, and he calls it “fearful and wonderful”. Furthermore, Jesus never demanded that the sinners coming to him first “get themselves right” or pretend to be someone they weren’t before they approached. He welcomed them, and it was from a desire to be closer to Him that sinners changed themselves (Matthew 9:10-13; Luke 19:1-10). He wanted people as they were now, rather than having themselves struggle to become people they weren’t first. While God wants us to reject sin and immorality and grow to become everything that he envisions for us, which more often than not involves life-changing experiences, it’s important to never forget the foremost truth of all: God thought we were worth the death of Lord Jesus Christ, his only Son, even when we were at our most lowest and despicable.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

To me, that passage should be the ultimate foundation of whatever “esteem” we give ourselves, and my hope today is that you will let it be yours every time something in this world has made you feel at your lowest and most unlovable.

Suggested Prayer: “Lord God, thank you that in spite of everything I have done and everything I will ever do, you still love me, continuously encourage me to repent, and always welcome me when I come to you with a genuine heart. Help me always to see what I am truly worth in your eyes, and let that encourage me to be all that you want me to be as I again commit myself today to building up the Kingdom of God. Gratefully in Jesus’ Name, Amen.”