My Little Devotional: "Tolerate Thy Neighbor"

Inspiration for Today’s Devotional: “Common Ground”

A good portion of today’s episode featured Quibble Pants’ repeated failed attempts to try and make himself appealing to his girlfriend’s daughter, Wind Sprint; namely by portraying himself as a Buckball enthusiast in spite of the fact he had no prior knowledge of Buckball and was unathletic. Predictably, in spite of his numerous grandiose attempts, all he served to do was highlight how little he knew about the sport and, as a result, only ended up frustrating and aggravating Wind Sprint; especially since her (presumably deceased) father was a Buckball enthusiast and she bore some initial standoffishness about a new stallion in her mother’s life to begin with. Nevertheless, they still managed to reconcile at the end by finding common ground–namely by Quibble letting Wind teach him about the sport and Quibble showing off his love for trivia knowledge by showing her stats about the game.

One of the greatest Christian tenets and commandments is to love and care for other people; seconded only to loving God. “Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:37-40) These two commandments are normally indivisible from one another because one of the ways that we show that we love God is by loving other people. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.” (1 John 3:16) Nevertheless, as this episode showed, sometimes it’s easier to love some people more than others.

It’s easy for the Christian, while sitting in Church or at home or praying, to simply say: “Oh yes, I don’t hate anybody. I love everyone.” In practice, however, I wonder how often that’s genuinely the case. In the more general sense we can say that we love people, but if we never try to outreach to anyone, minister to anyone’s needs, or simply call or write them just to see how they’re doing, then it’s a bit doubtful that our love is terribly strong.

Yet let’s make more specific distinctions. As a Christian, how is our love toward people who don’t share our same political views? Or religious views? Toward people who adamantly believe in abortion or redefinitions of marriage or same-sex relationships? Do we love them as much as we love believers or those who share or at least support our viewpoints?

What about people who are pro-Atheism or anti-Christian? Who say that we’re a bunch of regressive nuts who believe in outdated fairy tales? Or those who think that anyone who leaves their own religion for Christianity merits abuse, torture, and/or death? Or who go out of their way to antagonize Christians and insult and mock them? Can we still say we love them as much as other people?

What about criminals who have committed murder? Or rape? Or child abuse, whether it be physical, mental, or sexual? What if they’re unrepentant of these things? Do we love them as much as others? As much as we want Jesus to love us?

The truth is those are all extreme examples. In reality, it probably doesn’t even have to be that far of a stretch. All you have to do is look around people we interact with on a daily basis. Customers we have to deal with who are entitled and aggressive. Drivers we pass by that cut us off or weave dangerously in and out of traffic. Pedestrians who let their pets freely relieve themselves in our yards and then flip us off if we try to call them on it. Or maybe simply an irritating or negative boss, co-worker, classmate, teacher, professor, or family member we have to see and interact with every day who drives us nuts by their behavior and we seemingly just can’t get along with. Especially if they seem to have a mutual dislike for us and go out of their way to antagonize us.

Clearly, the commandment to love one another is not nearly as simple or easy as it seems on paper. (That only figures, though. If it was easy, it wouldn’t be a commandment.) So in situations like that when we encounter people who we personally find “unlovable”, what do we do?

For me personally, the biggest obstacle and mindset that keeps me from loving other people is the tendency of my brain to stop seeing them as other people. Once we get to the point where we start labeling people, categorizing people, classifying people, or putting people into a “bin” where we can identify and define people by a single trait, we’ve shut people out all together and abandoned any desire to even try to love them. “Oh, that person is so stuck-up. They’re impossible to get along with.” “That person is just some dumb liberal/conservative. Don’t try to talk sense into them.” “That bum is just a worthless addict. All he/she will do is flush his/her life down the toilet.”

While it’s true that there is such a thing as toxic people and self-destructive behavior that can’t be tolerated and should be avoided for our own well-being, there’s also such thing as dismissing people unfairly so that we can always just negatively think the worst of them. People don’t turn into jerks overnight and they don’t embrace a lifestyle of hostile mannerisms and behaviors from birth. And in many cases, where it’s just a case of not being able to get along with someone, there’s a good chance it’s a personality flaw, life event, or a misconception or misunderstanding from a first meeting that may have gotten things off on the wrong foot.

With that in mind, here is the advice I offer.

1. Always keep in mind that people are just that…people. Each individual we encounter has their own set of life experiences that gradually shaped them into who they are, and many of them might have been more traumatic or difficult than our own. While not an excuse for certain behaviors or sins, it’s important to give some people the benefit of the doubt. Keep in mind that most people want the same things that we want: stability, security, acceptance, and loving relationships. Their ways in which they get it or which they think is the best way to get it may just be different from ours or, in some cases, ended up warped and skewed, but it’s extremely rare when you will meet a person who is just “bad for the sake of being bad”.
2. As God’s Word says: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:17-18). One of the most simple yet profound lessons that I learned late in life was that you don’t treat other people with kindness and compassion because you get anything back from it or because it’s what they deserve…you do it because it’s the right thing to do. In that sense, even if someone irritates us, wrongs us, or even goes out of their way to goad us, we are commanded to continue to treat them with love and kindness. Often, this is going to require us to suppress our natural inclination for wanting justice or revenge, and while this doesn’t mean we should let people continue to intentionally hurt us or take advantage of us it does mean we have to make an active effort to act civilly and even kindly to everyone.
3. Taking a page from Quibble Pants in this episode, try to find an area of common ground. This applies more to people that we have to interact with daily that we’re having difficulty connecting to as opposed to the more extreme examples, but it’s an important tip that can help open lines of communication and break down walls between people. I personally had a hostile or non-existent relationship with my younger sister for years. I finally managed to connect with her over inviting my niece over to my house on Saturdays. (What did I invite her over to watch? “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. ) If that doesn’t seem possible, one doesn’t even have to necessarily go that far. Taking a little extra time to do something nice unprompted for someone or to say something that makes them feel valued can make a world of difference.
4. Lastly, for the special case of someone like a family member or friend who has wronged us extremely badly, in a situation that has left us mentally, emotionally, physically, or perhaps even spiritually scarred, I want to make a distinction once again that loving people does not necessarily mean we have to put ourselves into situations where we know either we or other people we love will be at risk. Likewise, as was pointed out in a separate devotional that I read years ago, forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. Reconciliation is not always possible as it involves a change from two separate parties…but forgiveness is all about us and our own hearts toward other people.

Suggested Prayer: “Lord God, thank you for the boundless love and acceptance you showed to us through our Lord Jesus Christ, and the love you continue to show us every day through your numerous blessings. As I have been loved, please help me to love others in return; especially those that the world brands as unlovable or that I personally am harboring hate or resentment toward. And if I have any, please free me from lingering hate that I hold in my heart so that I can truly be free to live, love, and grow. Gratefully in Jesus’ Name, Amen.