Bout of anxiety · 12:57pm Apr 23rd, 2021
So another indeterminate amount of time, another bout of anxiety over where my life has gone.
Honestly, I wish 2014 - 2017 were just a dream I could wake up from and find myself where I'd envisioned myself while I was still studying creative writing at Bath Spa University. Nope; instead I had to be forced to do a master's course over something as pointless as philosophy. Because who would higher a philosophy major? Other than those same people who on said courses hammered into my head that I myself am part of the source of all pain and suffering in the world just because I'm white, cisgendered, straight (mostly) and happened to be born with a Y-chromosome, despite being perhaps at times too empathetic.
So here I am; doing a part-time I've been doing for years that I hate, an alleged artist who honestly feels like their stuff is comparable to grade-school scribbles, with a concept for a novel series I never got off the ground since I had to focus reading about a bitch named Ayn Rand, leading to a mental breakdown I had to to cycle to a hospital for twice to get shot with tranquilizer. The best thing to happen so far is prospects of doing voice-overs, but even there I already feel like a failure.
Whereas people younger than me are finding greater success because they had the freedom to do what they aspired for, while I was being doted on by helicopter parents who don't understand the modern day concept between "living" and "existing". Couldn't even partake in the halcyon days of a fandom I love because, again, had to read about a bitch who wrote two books she claims are the truth about everything, based on BS mental-gymnastics.
That sucks, but as one of your Patreon supporters I disagree with the notion that your art is 'scribbles'. I don't have much money, I wouldn't give it to someone in exchange for scribbles.
There's still time yet. It's never to late to get good at something you love.
Oh god, was your professor some Robin Diangelo types? They have completely changed the discourse from meaningful policy change to meaningless guilt bullshit and completely harm the discourse around racism, etc.