TTISI: Call of Duty 3 (old school oh boy)

American: Mission 1: Saint Lô
*arrives at bootcamp*

Huxley: Hey! Yellow! Come over here!
Me: a yeah, what’s up?
Huxley: I bet you can’t shoot four helmets in a row.
Me: *takes a M1 Garand, and does so, quickly* Don’t test me.

BeeP

Sarge: I’m McCullin, two rules! Rule one: You’re no good to me dead. Rule two!... Aw, what does it matter. You’re all probably gonna end up dead anyway. *leaves as our truck starts moving*

Huxley: Well that was sure inspiring.
Dixon: You want inspiration Huxley? Read a poem. *begins his god tier mission briefing* Alright, listen up! Today we’re on a secret mission to get coffee and doughnuts. However, the Germans drank all the coffee and ate all the doughnuts. So now, we gotta go kick their asses!
Huxley: Or we could stay back at the base, and eat some of those nice French rolls they got!

Not even ten seconds later

*truck is rolling from an explosion, and I’m knocked unconscious* Fuck.

BeeP

Me: *shooting a Tommy gun* AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA- WHEN YOU GO TO HELL, TELL ‘EM WHO SENT YOU IF YOU WANT SYMPATHY!!!
Sarge: I like him.
Dixon, Guzzo, and Huxley: *nervous staring*

BeeP

Me: *fighting off a German in a quick time event, before finally killing him*
Sarge: Nice work Yellow.
Me: Why the fuck did none of y’all help?
Sarge, looking out at our tank: What the hell is our armor doing just sitting here!?
Guzzo: Taking cover if it’s got any sense.
Sarge: Guzzo, go out and give them targets!
Guzzo: Wha- why me!?
Sarge: you’re our radio op aren’t you!? I’m not asking Guzzo!
Me: Ha!
Sarge: Yellow, go out help him spot targets!
Me: Fuck.

BeeP

Me: *ducking from machine gun and tank fire as Guzzo and I ride on top of our tank* How many fucking guns do Germans have!? I thought they were piss poor and in crippling debt!
Guzzo: Just shut up and spot targets!

BeeP

As our platoon takes cover behind a low wall, we are surrounded by Germans. Sarge looks around

Sarge: Wait, where the hell is everyone- sound off!
Guzzo: Sarge- we gotta fall back!
*explosion rocks us as Huxley walks over to a different room*
Guzzo: That’s it, I’m fallin’ back!
Sarge: *gets up and points his gun at Guzzo*
Dixon: Woah, take it easy-
Guzzo: You’re crazy!
Sarge: Desertion is a capital offense Guzzo! Shooting you won’t be crazy, it’ll be the sanest thing I’ve ever done!
Huxley: Hey! I found a tunnel over here!
Sarge: ... alright everyone, into the tunnel! Move! *glares at Guzzo* we’ll continue this later.
Me: Jesus Christ.

BeeP

Me: *drinks a bottle of wine as my mp40 fires away* AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! THEY TOLD ME I COULD BE ANYTHING, SO I BECAME YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE- AHAHAHAHA-
Dixon: Who the hell let Yellow into the army!?
Huxley: Must’ve been desperate.
Guzzo: Should we take the alcohol away from him?
Sarge: He’s killed more Jerries than either of you, so shut it.

BeeP

We stormed a house, and after getting to the second floor, everyone takes a breather.
Sarge: alright, we’ll stop here. Guzzo, radio command-
Me: *looks past Sarge*... What’s that?
Dixon: *looks over before shoving me down*
Explosions go off from a tank round, and Dixon runs over to me as I’m dazed and blurry
Dixon: COUNTER ATTACK!!!
Me: oh for fuck’s sake- *DOOM music plays*

BeeP

Much later, after we survived everything, I walk with Dix and Guzzo as they talk, eating a loaf of bread and paying no attention to what they’re saying.

Guzzo: Guy sticks a gun into my face, and that doesn’t buy me a ticket out of this unit?
Dixon: ever thought about writing to your Congressman?
Me: Also, isn’t people sticking a gun at your face the norm in war?
Guzzo, scoffing: Yeah yeah, you’re really fricken funny.

Sarge, walking up: Gear up, we’re going to St Germaine. The 90th is short handed, so we’re getting folded into their unit. *turns to Guzzo* Looks like your transfer request came through.
I sigh as we start walking back.
Me: I hate forests...