I hate Rent-A-Girlfriend Commercials and I couldn't read past a little bit of the Manga yet It bothers me...

I am frustrated that I keep seeing commercials for the last week on youtube and facebook for the anime Rent-A-Girlfriend and it feels like the universe is mocking me. Read some of the manga and pitied the main character for how pathetic he was, I feel that I am almost as pathetic as he is and that such a thing as a Rental Girlfriend exists in Japan. (It's used mostly to fool yourself that you had one date or to fake a relationship to look good for your parents or boss.) I mean another thing is that well I literally feel really bad for Ruka but I know that she will never be picked. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/RentAGirlfriend Anyway.

I just feel frustrated and that in the end, I might simply be fooling myself that I can ever really find anyone that may have an interest in me, and that while I will not end up with a sociopath that might try to take everything from me and even attempt to kill me for it like what happened with dad. I might simply be alone forever and the idea that this might be a better and safer option for me is saddening.

Basically. Well-drawn but questionably written romance anime makes me self conscious of my arrested development and it's making it hard to lie to myself enough to believe that I am happy and that I can make my dreams a reality. I feel old and useless and it's literally keeping me up at night.

I found this. I have tried this before but maybe this time I can make it work.

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-be-happy-alone#asking-for-help

Comments

[Alsvid]

this is because japan is a highly conservative and pastoral archaic society stuck in the 50's, with extreme nationalist politics.

The pressure to marry is so you can make more human workers. Also why they frown on nonjapanese immigrants and LGBT people because they are either useless or diminishing the Japanese nation

[Disavowed ASH]

5352301
That is true. But that isn't going to stop me from liking other anime and manga that fit more with my beliefs and taste. I am also Hispanic. But I am a Hispanic Hermit in Puerto Rico, that wants to stop being a Hermit but as soon as I start making progress psychologically with therapy Codvic-19 strikes and it's back indoors for me.

Hell, here is something I wrote in frustration as a result.

I feel like no matter what I do I'll be alone forever. I can lose weight, gain muscle and money but it can never change that I have no romantic experience due to years of psychological trauma, self-loathing, and lack of social skills with people that are not geeks. By the time I am actually able to make myself attractive, and the evidence of my past mental instability will make any woman too scared or disgusted to deal with me and run for the hills. (Which if I work at it non-stop with nothing else in my life it will be when I am 30.) I am a failure of a student, a worker, and a friend. And honestly, I cannot ever have my youth back. I am old, with nothing to show for it but a useless Black Belt, two unfinished university degrees, and the old Rank of Eagle Scout which is now a badge of shame due to everyone hating the Boy Scouts of America now. I am fat, paranoid, and I cannot handle even working in Customer Service for a bank. I am a failure. I don't have what it takes to keep my home when dad dies, or have anything good about me that matters. I have been writing a shitty fanfiction and a novel at the same time for four years and I am not done yet. Like everything I do I always fail and never finish or succeed. Now if you excuse me. I have to be somewhere far away at 9:30 and I have to leave home at 7:00 and my brain doesn't let me sleep.