Simulacrum: Chapter 1 Edits · 7:22am Nov 15th, 2012
Okay, so I've some edits to chapter 1 (and Chapter 2, but they still need to read by either y1 or DoomManta). Above is the short version, below is the actual version in teh chapter itself.
tl;dr Basically, for Chapter 1 I made Twilight more conflicted over the situation and wrote the original Dash section from Twilight's perspective. I also added a bit on the end where Twilight asks Dash what loyalty is and what would Dash do if she had to sacrifice her life. Below you'll find the actual extra sections and changes I've made for those who don't want to search through the entire chapter for them.
"I am Archmage Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's most faithful student, and it is my duty to protect Equestria. If that means dying in five years, then so be it, but I will not leave this country hanging when I can make a difference. Whether that's through powerful spells or advancements in magic, I will not stop."
Even if it meant never seeing Cadence and Shining's foal. Never see my friends achieve their dreams in life and fall in love. Even if that meant never finding my own special somepony or getting my first kiss or going on my very first date. It seems so silly now, my fillyhood dream of having an arm of the Royal Library named after me or inventing some new spell or even discovering a new branch of magic.
A part of me wanted to run away, to completelyignore my duty, and I hated myself for even thinking that. I loathed it with a passion that had ever only been directed at Discord. There were ponies out there who lived in far worse conditions than I did, who died a far younger age than me, who were treated far worse than me and worked in jobs that squandered their talent. Yet here I was, fretting over my own death when I had already achieved so much and had such a good life. Who was more important? A single lavender unicorn or the entirety of Equestria?
And yet, despite all that, I still wanted to run.
Oh Clover, was this how you felt when you squared off against that dragon? You knew that it would lead to your death and yet you did it anyway because it was your duty. Did you feel this way too? This sense of dread and anticipation, of anger at yourself for feeling scared, of wanting to run away. How did you deal with this?
"I- I am not saying you shouldn't." I resisted the urge to rub my temples at the sight of him shrinking away. "Just that you should stop using magic when you don't have to. We believe that if you don't use magic then your nerves should naturally heal. Minor magic like telekinesis should be fine, but with your body in the shape it's in, we would rather have you err on the side of caution."
Pain was just a message. Ignore the message, ignore the pain. Focus on Celestia, focus on the goal, ignore all else and achieve. As long as I have the drive, I had the will. Don't slow down even for a second, to do so was suicide. Once I taste that sweet ambrosia of a slower pace, I will never let it go. Not only was the body an obstacle associated with the search for knowledge, but also for saving a Princess it seemed.
I licked my lips, tasting blood from how dry they were. Each breath bought a fresh wave of dry dust to my mouth, choking me from the inside out. How long have we been running? An hour?Two? It was so hard to tell in this dusty place. The sun was always high above our heads, and the barren landscape never changed. I wouldn't be surprised if we had been running for an hour or even a day. I was so sore, and so tired, all I wanted to do was collapse for an ho-
No.
With nothing, but a feral growl, I pushed myself forward and was rewarded with Dash’s eyes widening in surprise. A second later, a sharp tug on my tail sent pain flaring through my body. Hooves flailing in the air, I was just as suddenly released and hit the ground at an awkward angle.
"What!?" I growled at the blue pegasus.
"Pace yourself damn it!" she yelled back and to my surprise, there wasn't even a hint of panting in her voice. "Keep this up and you'll be too sore to run tomorrow!"
I blinked the weariness from my eyes as Dash's voice brought me out of my slumber. My eyes cracked open just enough for me to make out the blurry shapes of Spitfire and Dash. Though my headache was still there, the lack of light helped a lot. What were they talking about?
"No." I heard rustling, and out the corner of my eyes, I saw Spitfire roll over so that she was no longer facing me. "It was more than that. I've never seen a pony that driven before, and I've seen ponies running from dragons."
"You obviously don't know Twi then." The laughter in Dash's voice was evident even to my sleep addled mind. "Did I ever tell you about the Smarty Pants incident?"
My cheeks turned bright red and I was glad that it was night, otherwise there was no way they could have missed it.
"Many times."
"Oh... well then, you know how driven she can be. I'm surprised she even let us sleep." Dash's chuckling reached my ears. "For such an egghead, she sure can run. She came fourth in the Running of the Leaves this year. Did you know that? That's pretty damn awesome and trust me, I know all about awesome."
Silence.
"Just keep a leash on her. We don't need a novice screwing up this mission."
"Hey, she's been on mi-"
"None of them were covert operations or high pressure," snapped Spitfire in a whisper. "This is beyond her usual field of work, whereas we do this on a monthly basis. Just keep an eye on her. Now get some sleep, we'll be getting up at dawn."
Once more, a sigh reached my ears, and after a couple seconds of ruffling, silence descended. Whether it was a minute or an hour, I did not know, but eventually Spitfire's soft snoring reached my ears. There was a grunt of frustration to my left followed by more shuffling, and I couldn't help but smile at Dash's antics. If there was one thing that annoyed her more than anything else, it was snoring.
Once more, that pit of ice formed in my stomach as I realized I hadn't even said goodbye to my friends. Sure, Dash was with me, but what about AJ or Rarity or Pinkie or Fluttershy or Spike? Silent tears rolled down my cheek as the truth finally hit home. This could very well be my last mission and I didn't even say goodbye. What kind of friend was I?
"D-Dash?" I whispered into the silence.
"Yeah, Twi?"
My throat was suddenly dry as I considered what to say. There was so much I wanted to tell my friend, so many things that I had never said before, that I never thought needed to be said at all. But now that I was here, with death looming over me with its wings outstretched, I didn't even know where to start. How do you condense years of joy into an essay, let alone a couple minutes worth of words? Where do you even begin?
"Twi?" She turned to face me, but in the darkness, there was no way she could see my tears.
"I just... I was just wondering how far you would go to serve Equestria, that's all."
Stupid! Why did I say that?
"How far?As far as they needed me to go. I am the Element of Loyalty, you know." There was no doubt in my mind that she was currently puffing out her chest in pride.
"Even if that meant dying?" I asked.
"Yeah." There wasn't even a hint of hesitation or doubt in her voice. "After all, I am just one pony, while Equestria is thousands. If my death would help save even a fraction of those living in our borders, then it'd be worth it. Plus, it'd be a totally radical way to go out, and there'd be a statue of me and everything! Totally awesome."
"And... and your friends?" My words were barely the ghost of a whisper, but Dash still managed to hear me.
"They'd understand." For once, I heard doubt in her voice. "But even if they didn't, I'd still be doing the right thing, and in the end, that's all that matters."
The way she spoke about it made it sound so easy. So what was the right thing in my situation? The obvious answer, the only answer, was to save Celestia. She ruled the nation, she brought joy to everypony. She would live forever. Alongside Luna, they were the foundation of Equestria, and without them, everything would fall to chaos. I was nothing more than a name in a history book. A mortal that would eventually die anyway.
"Why'd you ask anyways?" asked Dash.
"Oh, you know, egghead stuff," I replied as I allowed my eyes to drift close.
Thank you, Rainbow Dash, for giving me an answer. Perhaps, I should stop over thinking everything like you always say. Whatever the case, if these are going to be my final days, I am glad that you will be by my side the entire time.
THIS! This... this made your story 20% cooler actually.
Now Twilight has no doubts on her priorities and even though I totally understand her decision is more likely in-character, I will still hate you when the time comes where she will actually die in order to save her mentor.
Orphius killing off Twilight = canon
505475
Yeah, those were suggestions made by the EQD prereader and I felt it would have made the fic better as well, hence the changes and missing an update last week.
=laughs= Why does everyone just assume Twilight will die at the end?
505479
Because she definitely will.
506613
Why does everyone say that?
507503
Because that is our general conclusion on what you would probably do based on observations on how you handle your previous stories with Twilight in it.