. Right now, I am simply just reading or looking at blogs on here. I don't have the energy to write or create a story, but, what I could do is write poetry forCouldn't think of a proper title so whatever · 3:36pm Oct 21st, 2019
I'm sorry guys if you think I'm just lazy and generally don't care about any of you. It's not that I promise. It seems to me that a lot of people on here are depressed, so this should be nothing new to any of you. I found out that depression never goes away, but I have to cope with it. If I'm being honest, it makes me jealous of those who don't have to deal with depression. It's not just situational depression(I'm in a poor situation, as in broke and not living in my own house or having nice clothes that I actually like or being able to hang with my friends for the whole year.), it's basically a voice in my head constantly beating me down at every moment of the day. What's the point in making friends if you don't hang out? I mean, I was anti social, but then I started making friends, and now nobody has anytime for me at all. They're either busy, or have other friends and romantic partners. I don't smile anymore when nobody is around. And, even when I am around, most of the time people ask what's wrong. I can't answer them because I don't have the answer myself. Mom says you should have no reason to be depressed. She makes promises that life will get better, but, the money I am getting for myself has to go towards buying a camper rather than buy some clothes that I've really wanted and any other nice things a poor person can get. I'm stuck with a twelve year old brat who instigates everything and then we both get in trouble because of him. The person I am living with says he sick, but mom found out he does drugs and he goes through lighters like there's no tomorrow. My mom had to give him her lighter and her cigarettes, but he has a car, but he doesn't want to take the drive to Dollar General which is just a few blocks from the house. mom has drive every day, even though her health is poor. I guess my life isn't important rn. To focused on graduating and grades and finding a cheap place to live temporarily. I just can't have anything good. And, I guess my mom is right; I am selfish. I only think about myself. But it's kind of hard to not do so otherwise because I'm always fighting my mental health and disabilities. I guess because I'm not physically struggling like them, that my depression is a less important problem. But the only thing that's keeping me alive is because I don't want my friends or mom to be heartbroken for losing a "good" friend. You're likely thinking that I'm just seeking attention. Maybe I am, maybe I'm not, I don't know at this point. Maybe I'm just being dramatic. Maybe nobody wants to notice the struggle because they don't want to experience the same sadness and emptiness I feel. There is no freedom for me to escape to. I go from one worse situation to another and I get screwed by other people who think it's okay that because they aren't affected by the decisions that hurt us, they get away with it. Got kicked out of an apartment by a mexican lady(I'm not racist), even though my mother followed every single guideline and had evidence against this woman. Later on, I found out that this same woman was abusing her power as manager of the apartements by using the keys to get inside and steal valuables. She was fired after she was caught on camera. But, mom and I still got fucked over by one woman. We don't even break the law or do anything wrong, but everything we do doesn't seem to be good enough for anybody. I guess I should just get used to not being happy or living a good and healthy life for the rest of my existence. Not like I matter anyway. But, I still hope everyone else is doing great and not scraping by like I am. With shattered love, Moonchild
It seems bad but only looking at the bad things will promote things to stay that way in your mind. It will get better but it takes a good outlook and positive perspective to achieve that. I've been trying to do that for a week now and it's helped....a little....
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I know. It just seems like every three good thoughts I have about myself, six more negative ones find their way in. It's never ending. Gosh I sound depressing. I might start writing in a journal a positive thought I have about myself each day, and when I'm feeling down, just keep reading those positive thoughts...what am I thinking that won't work
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Actually, that's a great idea. I and several other friends of mine suffer from depression, and having something to remind yourself that there ARE positive times can help a lot.