. Right now, I am simply just reading or looking at blogs on here. I don't have the energy to write or create a story, but, what I could do is write poetry forName Change · 7:10pm Oct 7th, 2019
Hi, everypony. Today, I'm not in the greatest of spirits, in fact the worst. I'm trying to stay positive for everypony else's sake. Not much I can do about mine own. Woops, quoted old dialect there. Anyway, I've been battling this for about 2 and a half years and recently I'm trying to do something about it, even if what I'm doing isn't a huge step in the right direction, but a step nonetheless. I've struggled with pinpointing my gender identity, to the point of wanting to die. I ended up with a family who are transphobic(no my family does not beat me or bully me, they only deny the existence of my feelings and love all of me except a couple few things and this). According to my mom, I'll go to hell and she won't see me in heaven if I transition(to her it's harming my body). I'm tired of seeing facial hair grow in under 2 days after shaving. I struggle with hiegene as it is becaue of my aspergers sydrome. I want to look and sound like a person who makes others question their gender. I wouldn't have to choose a specific gender, I could just be both. I hate seeing other girls in the hallway casually looking the way they do. They don't have to struggle with what I do. They are allowed to talk about hair and make up and prom dresses and everything girly(I'm not really a girly girl, more like a badass bitch goth who wears leggings and skirts and jeans and listens to heavy metal and nightcore(of course that's not all there is to know about me)). If I say something, my cousins are like, "We get it, you're gay". Well, they talk about their boyfriends and girlfriends, so I could just as well be like, "We get it, you're straight. Want a Straight Pride Parade to go with that arrogance shake?"...assholes. Anyway, this is not what I wanted to talk about, as you can probably see the heading that says: Name Change. It's exactly as it sounds. I'm still in school, and I am a senior this year, 2020 baby! Mom won't let me change my name at school, but I'm 18 now and I'm hoping that I'll be allowed to sign the papers, not her. If not, then I tried at least. Recently, my choir teacher has been calling my friend(who is ftm), Ryan(name they chose(don't know their pronouns)). What's sad, and I just found out from Ryan today, is that they had to bribe their mom just for her to sign the papers for them. At least Ryan got their wish, even if it wasn't in the greatest of circumstances. I guess because I'm a 'guy' and my choir teacher is a woman, I think she somehow feels threatened by me( which is rediculous since I've always been the most well behaved person in her class). I've been out to my friends for about 1 1/2 school year and they've been very accepting. They're still struggling to refer to me by my prefered name, Phoebe. Which is understanbable, since they only met me during my sophomore year, and I only came out to them halfway through my junior year. If you guys are curious, I'm gender fluid. I have been since I was little, though I never really wore anything around my family that contradicted my, ahem, sex. I know this is a very long blog and I write a mile a minute, but bear with me please. I didn't really see the lines between boy and girl until around 6 or 7, maybe 8. I tried fitting in, but I was always emotional, and I got bullied for it. I wanted the best of both worlds, you know? Things that girls were allowed to do and have, I couldn't. I still enjoyed some of the guy things, but I also loved girl things, too. I wish I could write more, but where I'm going, it doesn't have internet, and there are only a few minutes left until last period. I know this is personal information, but I have not many people to talk to. To end this blog, I'm coming out. My name is Phoebe C. Moonchild, and I am gender fluid and my sexuality is currently: yet to be defined. WORLD PEACE!!! ALL HAIL LUNA!!! AND, TASTE THE FUCKING RAINBOW, CONSERVATIVE ASS BITCHES!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Congratulations. I wish you the best of luck. ^^
Ain't gonna think of you any differently. Best of luck!
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Thank you, guys, it means a lot to hear this from members of Fimfiction. I'll try my best, and hopefully pull through this shiz. The hard work will be worth it in the end, though!
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I'm happy to hear that. Thanks for being loyal
Good news and bad news:
The bad news: I'm still in school and mom is not really on board with me being gender fluid, despite how much she loves me. She is still required to sign the papers needed to allow me the right to go by my prefered name at school, and I am doubting she will ever do that. I still have to go by my 'real' name until either she signs the papers, or I graduate.
The good news: I came out to the principal(I think he was the principal), with the much appreciated help from my friend, Ryan. He was there for moral support, even though he was almost completely quiet the whole time, something that surprised even me; I'm usually the one to not talk much. Yeah, I know. "How can Moonchild be Moonchild, if they talk this much?". The answer: Writing is a gateway for the real me to 'come out of the closet' into the world. Without it, I can't talk like others. I don't think I'll ever overcome this kind of anxiety. You might say I'm related to Fluttershy in that respect. Her kindness speaks louder than words. Words are just an action I take to speak my mind when I feel I can't vocally.
Sorry, kind of got of track there for a second. Back to what I was saying. I've talked to mom a couple days ago, and I think she might just cave in. I think that if I make a deal with her, she'll agree if it benefits the both of us. It will require me to put some effort into this, something I have no problem doing, but it will be worth the struggle. Even if I don't succeed, I still have friends who respect me and actually call me by my chosen name and pronouns. I know I talk a lot about this(thanks to the common symptoms of obsession oftenly found in people with autism and asperger's syndrome), but it's only because I feel I can't talk about it with my offline friends and family. I hope you guys understand. Anyway, I hope you guys are having a good day/night! Wish me good luck. With love, Moonchild
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Thank you
An update...it didn't happen. I tried. Mom wouldn't sign and the school wouldn't allow it without her signature. Figures. At least I have friends who actually respect me. Without them, life would be completely miserable, and I probably wouldn't be alive right now. Thank you guys so much for following me and checking out my blogs and my poetry. Thank you for just being you, and being true to the elements of harmony. Your loyalty, honesty, kindness and your generosity, laughter and your magic of friendship has pulled me through during hard times...it still does. I love you guys so much!