The Story and The Future · 5:09pm Jul 6th, 2019
This blog is purely venting and just letting out a few things since I just got internet and can properly explain a lot of what's been going on and not anything short. It'll be in sections as to save time for those that lose place easily or had to stop in the middle.
The Beginning:
For the past 2 years before 2019, I was living with family, nothing too major as I was able to keep up with my writing and them. That was until the last part of 2018 as things were too much in the house to ignore while there was nothing being done by the landlord. It was stressful to say the least. This was on top of another thing. At the time, I was 2 years in a long distance relationship and I was about to move halfway across the country to be with my at the time girlfriend. We decided for me to move there. I was excited, I thought I was along in my therapy enough that I could manage myself.
The trip was funded by me and my mom and I made it safely there. Though at the time I didn't see them, the red flags started popping up, the way she treated my mother, the mood, and a lot of other stuff. Which lead to.....
The Downfall:
By the time I got chewed out by my family for what happened, it set things into motion, things I was not expecting. My anxiety was on high and things weren't the same. I kept getting snapped at by my girlfriend at the time, I would hide more, be less social, and eventually fall into a depression that I wasn't expecting. Things between she and I were worse from there. I tried to get better, but she wasn't seeing it. We tried to reignite what we had, wasn't working. I was also looking for work cause of unsaid expectations. I stopped writing and things were just darker, it was hard to keep a smile and laugh even with my friends online. Then she told me the relationship was over and I went into full denial. Thinking "I can fix this, I can fix this, I can get better." I was suggested a few places for Therapy but I was either turned away or not able to go. It got to the point where she said the truth of any situation, was an excuse, even when I was telling the truth, it was just an excuse. I hit what was at the time, a mental rock bottom. The job I had at the time, only lasted a week cause of the stress. It was then decided by my ex and her mom, that I'd be sent back home. I was a wreck and have lost everything that wasn't material to me. Then in mid April, I was moved back. Which leads to now.
Picking up the pieces and putting the back together:
It's been about four months since I came back, things have been slowly getting better, kept myself busy with the place I moved into and getting back up on my feet. Just doing what I can to keep my mind off of things. Though some days, I'll have memories come back up of the good times, the loneliness, the hurt that I went through and realizing of what I lost, who I lost. Best I've been able to do is to distract myself. Time has flown by and things have slowly gotten better, but at the same time, I still miss those "Good Morning" texts, the "I love you"s, just having someone there. But I know I'll get better and move on when my heart feels like it's time.
Hindsight is 20/20:
The more I look back, the more I see the red flags and the things that would have alarmed me. it just all hurt and still does at times. But at least now, I got my cat, my friends, and my family. So while I'm not gonna say "I'm fine" or "I'm okay" for a while, picking up the pieces and building myself back up, will be easier.
The Future:
I'll continue to update at will so no set time for new chapters. Things will be slow, but it'll get done.
It is nice to hear you are doing better big brother. I can understand how it feels to be like you hit rock bottom. Heck for almost a year, I had been in a bit of a rut, with financial stress, lack of hearing comments on stories for new chapters I put up, and other things I wish to keep private for now. But I have gotten back on my feet, and have had help from others to see me through. And I will be doing my best to come back stronger. Heck, by years end, I may try and get into voice acting. Try and audition for roles in game, toons, and movies, heck, I'll even narrate a book for audio, give it some flare ti get people to tune in. Gonna see if Amazon allows such thing with their Amazon Audio.
But again, it is great to hear from yiu, and take whatever time you need to recover big bro.