The Rambling Has Arrived · 3:21am May 25th, 2019
Well, EFNW 2019 was a thing that I did. Even better, my wife came along with me to see what my excitement was all about. While on vacation, I spent a little of each day typing up my thoughts about the event. Why would I do that? This is important for me because this has only been my second con ever and I want to write about it. So, how did it go?
To sum it up, tears were shed. Several times. But only a few. I had to take a moment in order to collect myself on more than one occasion. There was laughing and cheering, smiles and awkward pauses. That weekend ran a gauntlet of emotions that included almost every form of joy, and sadness only upon having to tear myself away from it all. Previously, the 2013 BronyCon was the only convention I had ever attended. That con was a heady experience, highlighted by getting to spend it with a great friend whom I was just getting to meet in person for the first time. But I squandered the time with him and failed to stretch myself as an individual. I had fun, a lot of fun, but the experience didn't kindle anything that wasn't already in me at the time.
The weekend at EFNW this year was different. Every emotion that I remember feeling when I took my first steps into this fandom came washing back over me. It was like I was being overtaken by a wave while standing in the shallows. I was swept away by an ocean current down a tunnel of nostalgia, and what I tasted had not even a hint of salt. Maybe I get too emotionally invested in things when I choose to open myself to experiences. Maybe, but after decades of purposeful deprivation, I've been using the last several years to catch up on what I missed out on as a youth.
And yes, I can use the term ”youth” as I please. I'll be turning 37 in a few short months and have already yelled at kids on my lawn more than once. My sympathies to those hitting 40 this year. I'm not looking forward to it myself.
A little backstory first in order to understand what I mean when I saw that I was re-experiencing old emotions. The year was 2011. The location was a tiny, unfurnished room in the town of Sasebo, Japan. The weather? It had not stopped raining for nearly 14 solid days. Newly arrived to the country, I was without a car or permanent housing or phone to talk to family back home. I had the internet thanks to a kind landlord, but that was all. This situation of isolation (which from the ages of 10 to 28 I actively sought) was only accentuate by a recent ”break up” after two years of a long distance relationship with a woman whom I can only describe as a master manipulator who held a sadistic fascination with creating misery through deception.
I had become a seething cauldron; a vessel filled with a boiling liquid of pessimism, anger, self-doubt, and disenchantment. I actively prayed for a global conflict so it would wipe the slate clean and set me free of everything, able to sift through the ashes for a new future of my own design. Not exactly a pleasant frame of mind for a man charged with defense of his country.
Then, ponies happened. Soon after, I found my first friends in the fandom. I can’t tell you exactly what snapped in me, why it happened when it did, or how it came about exactly. What I can tell you is that I laughed and suddenly, there was all those missing emotions that I had cut myself off from. Sad or inspirational moments made me cry. Simple humor was entertaining again. I craved interaction with people instead of isolation. The world, in general, had opened up to me like it had once been when I was a child. Before that moment, I had purposely closed the door to it all.
These feelings were a bright fire for years, but slowly died down as a stressful career and life in general pulled down that new optimism and brought me closer to the ground. That's not a bad thing but, like gravity, the closer I tend to get to the core of myself, the faster I tend to spiral into a impact with the bottom. It’s a constant battle between keeping my feet firmly planted but maintaining a positive attitude.
Enough history for now. I mention it mostly because it helps to remind myself of the place from which I came.
The panels were good learning experiences and I attended almost every writing panel. Most of the information wasn’t new to me, but I did get to hear how others have used that information. That experience was useful and the new Twi Talk format allowed attendees to pick and choose what topics they wanted to sit in for, without sticking around for the entire hour. Then there was the Iron Author competition.
I waffled back and forth on whether I was going to try, but I decided to give it a whirl on the day of the event. I didn't place or get an honorable mention, but I pushed myself and actually completed a story in those 2 hours. Out of 25 possible points, I scored a 17.33. I’m happy with that score. I'll be polishing up that story for publishing in the coming month. It actually started off as one idea that I shoehorned into the prompt for the competition. In hindsight, what I wrote probably did not meet the requirements for the prompt, but I’m content with what I managed build within the timeframe.
Ponystock was a blast. While reminiscing about my days in Japan with Black Gryph0n a little bit in the line to purchase music, I learned he and I were in Sasebo at the same time. Small world. Forest Rain, as always, was a pleasure to see perform live. The Gala was a wonderful night and I dare say that the wife and I were among the best dressed on the floor, but I'm biased. The After Party was a true treat. It takes a lot to get me out of my chair and onto the dance floor (because I have ZERO moves or coordination), I can jump, cheer, and clap. And that’s what I did. Vocal Score and 4EverfreeBrony have moved up in my playlist of artists too.
Grabbed some nice wall scrolls and playing cars from the vendors too. Missed out on the chance to grab a Blackjack plushie but thankfully the seller offers them online too. I tried to snag the six banners that went up during the charity auction, but my resolve wavered at $2000. I was beaten by the final bid at $2100. They wanted them more and I hope that person cherishes their prize for many years to come.
The greatest highlight, though, was getting to meet people in person for the first time. Specifically, there were three people I wanted to meet and getting to do so made that entire weekend everything that it was for me: Heartshine, Novel Idea, and Somber. In the process, I met other notables like Titanium Dragon, but I was able to pin a “Mission Accomplished” pin in my weekend. Even surrounded by people who I had very little exposure to or knowledge of, Heartshine and Novel made me feel welcome. And that was in spite of my blaring internal klaxon of inadequacy while standing next to such accomplished writers.
Looking back, after having been removed from the event for almost a week, I feel like I accomplished most of what I set out to do. It also set my mind to thinking. The more I explore the possibilities and experiences, the more I come to realize and accept a truth in my life that I used to deny: friendship is an addiction. It's a wonderful opiate that keeps a smile on my face and buoys my steps.
I've managed to do a lot in my life so far. Like traveling completely around the world (minus that one pesky bit called the Panama Canal), having been to every continent except Antarctica, and owning many beautiful acres of hill country territory upon which I’ll be building a retirement home. Yet none of those gives me as much fulfillment when in comparison to the excitement and camaraderie I get from sharing with people I care for and enjoy being around.
This has turned into less of a look back on what I did at EFNW and more of an introspective moment, hasn’t it?
No regrets.
Here’s to EFNW in 2020.
I think a lot of folks kinda go and have introspective moments. I... personally love hearing stories of what got people into ponies. There's this lovely quality that people pick up when discussing it, and why they ended up sticking around in the fandom as long as they have. I remember way back in the day in 2011 when the Guardians of Equestria fleet on STO was just getting started, and we had a forum some tiny webhosting site that Lightshine had found, and that was one of the comment threads. Folks just... discussing what brought them to ponies and why they were sticking around. I know for a fact that it brought me closer to several users because it was one of the few safe places to just... talk. Even if it wasn't about smol, technicolour equines.
I felt bad that I wasn't able to spend as much time as I wanted to with folks this convention, but honestly just talking with you and your wife for a few minutes while I tried to figure out if I should food myself was really nice. After all of the awkward moments of the previous panel (for me, anyway), it was nice to just talk with people, slow down, and just... listen. You'd think I'd get sick of it after years of doing it, but I don't. Everyone has a beautiful story to tell, and I was very happy that you and your wife shared a bit of yours with me. Especially after the initial awkwardness of me realising that yes, I did know who you were, it'd just been a few years and a name change online (and in my case, irl) for both of us!
Hopefully I'll be able to see you next year as well!
I wish I had some deep and insightful thing to say, but as I'm still working on my own retrospective on EFNW 2019, that sort of thing is really hard to capture into words.
I will, however, point out one thing I think is really special:
That you got to enjoy EFNW without the salt so common in fandoms is a miracle in and of itself. Keep that passion and that view, because more than anything, it'll help you go so very far.
The words you said to me that day we hung out radically changed EFNW for me. The impact I completely unintentionally had on you... it blows my mind. I'm honored, I'm humbled, I'm out of good words for this.
I was so happy to meet you in person. I wish you and your wife the best. I remember my five-year anniversary cruise and it was one of the best weeks of my life. May yours be even better!