thinking is bad. · 4:06am Nov 9th, 2012
so after having most of my classes "come if you want" i have been sitting around thinking.
i am finding it hard to write due to my thoughts drifting to something my 19 year old brain should not be thinking about.
my mortality.
i am not religious, nor was i ever.
yet i believe there is more to life after death.
something like a soul moving on to somewhere.
it is hard to describe how i view death, so i will write it out in a "skit" i had day dreamed.
i would walk into lab with a straight face, and ignore my fellow students as we went about our day like ghost. My lab teacher, Mr. K, notices this.
"You alright Author (not gonna put my real name in here, that is reserved for closer friends)." Mr. K asks.
Mr. K had lost a daughter when she was 18 at college. She fell down a flight of stairs, and it made Mr. K a tragic veteran of the feeling of sudden death.
"Im tired. Just tired." i reply with a sigh.
Mr. K raises an eyebrow.
"Not getting much sleep?"
I chuckle darkly.
"I never get enough sleep, but i guess this week has been particularly tiring."
Mr. K gives me a concerned look.
"You know both Mr. Brown (the lab assistant and not the Mr. Brown who passed away.) are here to talk if you need to."
I let out a sigh.
"I guess i have just been thinking about this whole death thing. With my dad in the hospital with Leukemia and now Mr. Brown's passing it makes it hard not to wonder about mortality, and how to deal with my own. I know im only 19 and that i should be out running around and getting into trouble, but i cant stop wondering about my life."
I take a deep breath.
"I do not fear death, and as cliche as it sounds i do fear dying alone. That isnt my only fear though. i fear dying in vain. to not have an impact. that doesnt mean being famous or popular. it means that when i go out i want whoever i went out for remembers it. I dont want to die in some bed tired and weak. i want to die in a death that would make me content."
thats the end of my little skit.
i hope to get writing soon.
this will also be my last super depressing post.
see you all tomorrow.
Wow... thats... fucking deep. Im starting to think about this now... damn man...
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
many feels are coursing through my body now.
the old thought of life after death; does it exist or is that all and it just ends....
Feeling things is the best way to know you're alive.
It's when you stop feeling, that there is a problem.
Side note; Surely dying in a Ferrari going 200 mph is the way forward. I'm not religious but... imagine blasting through the pearly gates in an on-fire, speeding chunk of metal. That's fucking brutal.
486880why does your reply not surprise me?
On a side note, I know those thoughts and I've been done that same path. I share those fears.
When my close uncle passed away very suddenly (I learned he was sick and that he died within hours of each other) I contemplated the same thing you have here. The key is to keep your eyes on your goals, your heart open and keep moving forward. Sounds cliche but your goals may not satisfy you but the progress will, and as long as you are open your friends and family will be there. Now go and find your passions and make a mark. I'll be doing the same.
487010
Seriously. Ferrari.
But yeah, I mean. Accepting things is a major part of life, it's natural to feel bad about them, that's just the way emotion and human nature works.
Keeping your chin up is the hard part! But, ya gotta do it! Or try to at least.
But anyway. Farrari. Dude. Ferarri.
487015
Really didn't know how Ferarri was spelt so, I thought I'd spell it three different ways to make sure. That is SO how spelling works.
......we should make this into a series
"Profound moments in MLP FIM (now with more cowbell)
This is... deep, profound. And eerily similar to some thoughts, or fears, I have experienced from time to time (Then again, what human does not wonder about death every so often?).
I must say that my greatest fear about death, if not the part of not knowing what comes after or not seeing how Humanity moves forward in the years, decades, centuries to come, then it has to be the part about making a difference. I do not want to leave this existence until I have positively impacted the life of somebody- anyone, just change their life for the better. It matters not how many people I can touch- if only one person ever gains a valuable experience from my life, then I can die happy.
Thus having spoken what is on my mind, I must go think some more.
486543>>486686>>486824>>486880>>487010>>487765>>487841
turns out it was a murder suicide.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png .......dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_plot.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png 487975
487975what?
487982not now.
just not in the mood
488083 thats how my professor died.
he killed his wife then killed himself
488106
sorry bro, i dont know what to say or do, you cant really have this type of discussion over the internet, try talking to a close relative or friend, i dont know.
488127 yeah.
i know that
488206 And if that fails send me a pm and I'll send you my number and we can talk it out, man to man. Seriously, I may not have been on this earth the longest but I've dealt with death and I'm always here for a friend.
488106dayum
that's....I dont even know what that is!
my knowledge of english doesnt go THAT far!
jesus Maria y Jose
489099 thanks
489229 Americans be crazy
489311dont worry yo, I got your back
if anyone tries to kill you, it shall be ME-err I mean GOD!
489320 lol.
please kill me now.
this place sucks
490734 just hang in there man.
It does suck but we all have to do our best to make it a little better.
Its a long way from equestria...
492108 lol
i heard that song
didnt like it much
492441 I didn't at first but my bro loved it and its grown on me. I like the somber feel and the message is good. But my point stands independent of the song.
493000 meh
i cant get over the lyrics.
they seem forced.