Please Read This Blog - I'm Burned Out · 10:56am Apr 2nd, 2019
Dearest Readers / Followers,
I have been around on Fimfiction almost since the day the site became active. Today, I'm here to say something that I know I may have already said a few times in the past, words mentioning that I was stepping down from writing stories for this site and that I wasn't going to be uploading any more stories of any kind. If you've seen the announcement that I've made on my YouTube channel, you will also know that I have put a hiatus on my uploading schedule due to my current living arrangement, which, honestly, has not been the easiest or kindest to me.
One second, I'm in one house, then I'm in another before I know it. It is, quite frankly, an unwanted burden and a constant migraine on my being when it comes to shifting and hauling my things from one place to another in under the span of a year. Currently, I've had to move twice in a year because of certain issues and problems that have all taken their toll on me, mostly with a negative outcome. Sooner or later, I know that I'll be moving again, and I'm far from optimistic about it. I'm actually pretty miserable about it.
I'm not going to sit here and lie to any of you, seeing as I couldn't find it in my heart to be that type of person. I'm not going to be quitting writing for good. I will not stop creating stories outside of my work on Fimfiction unless I die, and that's not going to be for a very long time (hopefully), so unless you want to try and pry my pen from between my cold, dead hands, I'm not going to give in so easy.
I'm only going to say this once and I want to be able to get it right, so here I go - I'm burned out. Both mentally and creatively. My mind and body are deprived and drained of any and all energy and I don't find any joy in writing stories or publishing any content whatsoever, so I'm throwing in the towel.
Right now, as I sit here and type, there are seventy-one stories on my user page and there are over three-hundred loyal subscribers on my YouTube page expecting content that I've sadly been unable to produce and deliver. It's been a pain to me for quite some time, knowing that I can't provide the entertainment like I used to be able to. All I ever wanted to do as a writer was to give something to someone to make them feel happy, let them know that they are still human, take them away from this cruel, unforgiving world and tell them that it's okay to laugh, cry, smile and feel sadness and happiness. That is literally all I've ever wanted in my career as a writer.
However, I do feel like it's time for me to move on to something new and unexplored.
I need to take a break and recollect myself. I've put aside my own needs so that I could make others happy at the cost of sacrificing precious hours of sleep to produce and finalise my content. Not the smartest of things to do, I know, I've heard the lecture many times like a mantra, but it was the only thing I could do to put myself out there. It was a necessity. Well, it's all finally caught up with me.
Today, I'm writing this blog to tell you all that I need to take a long-awaited break to step aside and recollect myself, get myself away from the keyboard for a little while. My creative side just isn't satisfied with all I've been doing, and I've been wanting to explore my creative energy for a while, experiment a little bit with other activities and crafts, see what life has to offer beyond the realm of writing.
Off of the top of my head, some of you might know that I'm a guitar enthusiast and a lyricist, which is something that I've found myself to have a natural connection with. I've also spent some time on the stage in front of crowds consisting of hundreds of people as an actor and entertainer, which is something I thoroughly enjoy doing because I don't have a fixed personality, which makes me a natural on the stage. Not to brag or boast, but I have even been told that I do have an aptitude when I'm on the stage with my acting skills back when I did performing arts. It might be time to prove my worth, but only time will tell what road I choose.
You never know what's going to happen next or when you will be yanked away to pursue your dreams, and I, for one, am eager to see what's spread out in front of me. I might finally reach out to some musicians around me and get around to forming that band like I've been talking, writing and dreaming about. Perhaps I might even try and channel my inner painter and try my hand at slathering oil and acrylic on a blank canvas, see what I can do.
Long story short, I simply feel that I need to do something new and ambitious, stop myself from being such a shut-in that's afraid of stepping out of the front door at the fear of ridicule from others, try speaking to new people and making some new friends and connections, possibly landing myself a career in the process. I've spent so many years on a path to self-destruction, and it's high-time that I turned that around and I stopped beating myself up for things that weren't my fault in the first place.
Depression has been a constant theme in my life, my ball and chain, as I'm sure some of you may know, and if I don't do something about it now to stop myself from becoming trapped in an infinite loop of dead ends and negativity, then I may never escape. I need to run from the darkness and find the light once again, something that I've lost somewhere down the line. There's also the matter of a few affairs that I need to get in order to cremate and bury some old emotions that have done nothing but drag me down. Once they are gone and it's out of my mind, then I can truly move on.
There's so much more beyond my front door that I want to do and that I'm ignoring and I know that I could be doing to put myself out there, showcase the talents that I've currently got a firm hold of. I'm in the process of doing one of those things right now, actually, and I'm going to bide my time and pick the perfect moment for it to be brought into the light, take the time to redo what is necessary and touch it up here and there, if you get my meaning.
I don't mean to waffle on, but as I'm sure you understand, over seven years of constantly sacrificing sleep for the sake of making others happy with my tales of horror, fluff and cuteness, romance, slice of life satire, sadness, tragedy, drama, self-discovery and general dark, gloomy topics such as suicide and death, has finally caught it with me, rendering me feeling very dead on the inside and completely burned out. I'm officially out of creative juice and my batteries are in dire need of a recharge, which honestly makes me feel even deader inside than Pinkamena. And I quote, ''I feel nothing.''
Regardless, I will say that I will not be permanently leaving you on this site. As usual, I will still be posting the odd blog here and there whenever I have some news to give or something to say, and I do plan on staying in touch with some old friends, checking in every so often. I don't want to write for a good, long while, not until I find what I feel has been missing for so long. I don't have it in me at the moment, I'm sorry to say.
Lastly, in case you were wondering about it - the symbol for my OC, FireRain, is a phoenix, with this reasoning - whenever a phoenix sheds all of its feathers and it bursts into an inferno, it will arise again from the ashes and restart life anew, fully refreshed and reborn. In this scenario, I feel that all of my feathers have been shed and it's time to push my restart button. This is something that I feel I have to do, and I hope you can all respect this decision and understand where I am coming from. This phoenix has got to spread its fiery wings and fly.
Thank you all for everything, dear Brethren. I sincerely mean it when I say that I'm both grateful and thankful for all of your support, kind words and the inspiration that you have given me to do something that I never thought I was even capable of. You've given me the edge that I so desperately needed to know that there was more to life than a pit of empty blackness that made me want to put a gun in my mouth, and the friendship and kindness that you have all shown me has brought me a happiness that I will always cherish.
As a person and not some random entity behind a screen typing away in a dark room on a keyboard, it all really means a whole hell of a lot to me as a person, and it's because of you that I've found the need to continue living and soldiering on when nobody else believed in me. Without your continued help and support, I would have more than likely done something incredibly stupid a very long time ago. For that, you have my utmost thanks and appreciation.
I may never know any of you in real life, face-to-face, but I do feel sad for leaving like this, but I can't ignore what is important to me. You know where you can find me, and I'll be more than happy for a friendly conversation if you'd like to open your ears like I'll be happy to open mine. I'm always here through the power of the mighty PM box. Just so you know, if I ever did meet any of you in-person, the first thing that I would say after shaking your hand would be something along the lines of, ''So, how about a cup of coffee or tea and a cookie? You never know, it might lead to something surprisingly unexpected and beautiful!''
Okay, I'm sorry for that one. Simmer down, Billy Bob, don't get your panties in a twist, you sugar-plum fairy. Sorry to dance on your sugary parade, mistress. I just had to say it for the sake of the moment! 
So, this is my stop, Brethren. I'm afraid that this is where I leave you with a warm, friendly hug and / or a handshake, a fair adieu and a quirky cliché phrase or a bittersweet joke or snappy line. So...that'll do, pig. That'll do.
As we say here in Blighty, the land of the English branch of The Brethren, ''Cheers, mate!''
This is FireRain, signing off.
I love you all.
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With love, from England,
- FireRain 💛☮
As in all tales, the hero must depart the home they once knew to embark on their grand adventure. Whether it be to thwart a villain or find an item long since lost to time. The hero must first leave the safety of home. So Firerain, my friend whom'st I trust as family, despite our brief time knowing each other. I wish thee the best in your adventures to find that which you lost, yet hold so dear. And although we may never see each other in person, and our actions may be confined to the limits of words on a screen. I shall tell you a departing phrase I tell all of whom I consider a friend.
May the star's above forever guide your way, and Luna's light forever illuminate your path. And may our paths, one day, cross again.
Best of luck to you. *snugs*
I hope you find something pleasing to do during this time and are safe as well. May the flame of passion for writing rekindle soon and youfind yourself out of this burned out state