How They Should've Done: The Crystal Empire Two Parter · 5:05pm Mar 6th, 2019
You can tell this was made while drinking Monster Java Swiss Chocolate and eating White Chocolate Reese's Mini Cups. -_-
Hello there, I'm Ace_AttorneyFan800, or if you wanna call me Tina Arnold, and this is "How They Should've Done" where I take a look at infamously bad written MLP episodes and Equestria Girls memorabilia and talk about how I would write them, because why the hell not!
So for this, I'm looking at "The Crystal Empire Two Parter" which in all honesty is the most boring opening two-parter of the entire series, tied only by the Season 1 two-parter "Friendship is Magic". With "Friendship is Magic" the boringness of it can be looked past, because it was the two-parter opening episodes so of course, it's gonna be a bit slow and boring because everything has to be introduced in only two 22/21 minute episodes. But this? This doesn't really have any sort of excuse for being the boring mess it was especially since it had to follow up from the amazing two-parter that was "The Return of Harmony" so expectations might've been a bit high.
Unlike how I went about "Friendship Games" in that I tried to fix the main problems that plagued that movie so that it felt more natural and better, here I'm going to have to be a bit more creative in the short time that I have. I say this because with the Equestria Girls movies there isn't any sort of limit that I had to worry about, the first two movies were around 72 minutes so it's pretty obvious I could take my time with those, hence why I didn't make anything feel rushed. Here, I have at least 21 to 22 minutes per episode that I have to tell a story in and that is going to hinder me to a regard.
Never the less I'm going to work with what I've got and look at each part to see just where exactly the episode went wrong and took the turn for the boring.
PART 1:
Off the bat, Part 1 did a bad and opened up with telling us straight away something from Celestia's past is back but keeping it a secret as to what it is. That is bad because we shouldn't know what's returned at all, all we should get is the title for the episode to work off of and that's it. (Maybe even the synopsis for all I know) But the overall point is, we shouldn't have had this scene, instead we should've gotten the scene that comes after the intro with Twilight freaking out about a letter from Celestia to come meet her with the scene cutting when Twilight's tree blows up so to speak and cutting back in after the opening with Twilight arriving at the castle. The key here is the element of surprise, new villains and locations need to have a sort of element of surprise to them in that we don't fully know anything about this place and character until it gets properly explained to us. Telling us right off the bat that this was a thing from Celestia's Past isn't a good starting scene because it's just alerting the audience that "this is another thing from Celestia's Past, don't expect much of it" and devaluing the impact of this new villain and location.
But, I do like how in the history lesson on the Crystal Empire and Sombra, it's showcased and explained on just how Black/Dark Magic works in this world. Black/Dark Magic was something that had only ever appeared in fan fiction up until that point and to see it in action and be pretty much explained on how exactly it works in this world from the get-go is a definite plus. If only it had been used more. -_-
Sadly that is also something that holds the episode back, it introduces this new magic and it's used so very little it makes me wonder just what the point of introducing it was.
Besides that, we later get introduced to Sombra's current form........ and it's not even scary. Smoke? SMOKE?! THAT'S THE BEST THING YOU COULD COME UP WITH?! SERIOUSLY?!?! NOT AGHOST FORM OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT, BLOODY SMOKE?!?! This reveal of Sombra's current bodyless form should've been like expecting CM Punk as Vince McMahon's illegitimate son and instead, we got the equivalent of Vince's bastard son being revealed as Horn-mother fudging-swoggle. blows raspberry
What happens next is a long.. boring, dragging, boring, long, did I say boring, scene of trying to gather information regarding.... well... I'll be honest, I forgot the scene was so boring. I was pretty much going like this throughout the entire scene:
Even then the whole setting up for the Crystal Fair scene was even more boring and it felt like fat that NEEDED to be trimmed. And it was a scene that included a song. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SAY THAT ABOUT A MLP SCENE WITH A SONG BUT I AM!
And then after that...... well... Cadence's shield drops... it looks like Sombra's about to enter... I guess?
PART 2:
Part 2 is honestly a little better, but still pretty boring. Firstly we open up with Cadence reactivating her shield despite previously showcasing her practically on her death bed meaning that ending scene in Part 1 was pointless. We then get the searching for the Crystal Heart scene and into the literal BEST part of the entire episode. The Door of Fears. This. This was perfect. The whole scene was perfect, up until we went back to trying to hide the fake crystal heart and- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.....
Twilight and Spike soon find the crystal heart and fall for a trap, because of course, they do. Spike then brings the crystal heart back with the aid of Cadence, Sombra's blown away, set up for Twilight's turn to Alicornhood, I want to fall asleep.
CONCLUSION:
This two-parter felt rushed to no end. A lot of what I just described could've easily been trimmed out or switched for something else, this whole two-parter felt like a rough first draft in general; It's slow, it drags scenes on for far longer than it should, it practically doesn't even use the new ability introduced, it utilizes the new villain in the most boring way possible, and the Crystal Empire location felt like it was nothing more than a McGuffin to give Cadence and Shining Armor something to do so the writters can make excuses for reasons as to why they aren't using them...
...and I can do it better.
HOW I WOULD DO IT - RULES:
Just like before, I'm going to lay down some ground rules so that I don't get too crazy with this.
First off, Cadence and Shining Armor do not appear in this episode. You can have them be at the end if you want, but not for the whole episode. They honestly felt like tools with the way they were handled and it honestly betters the story if they were removed all together rather than just sitting around doing nothing like a bunch of brushable dolls. ....... YES, I KNOW WHAT I JUST SAID!
Second of all, use the Dark Magic more. If you're gonna have a Chekov's Gun you better be prepared to utilize Chekov's Gun or else suffer a major backlash. The Last Jedi learned that the hard way and so did this episode. To make sure that the Dark Magic is utilized to its ability, it needs to be treated as something special. Like as if there was a REASON it was never used until this point. Which is why I'm going to treat it as the equivalent of the Dark Side of the force. Like, it's okay to dribble into it A LITTLE BIT but use it too much and you're at risk of being bound to it for a long time.
Thirdly, Sombra has to have a much bigger presence. This one is honestly a no brainer. If you're gonna have a villain, they need to be as prominent as you can make them so they're properly treated as the threat you make them out to be. And for the record, Sombra WILL NOT have any kind of smoke form because SMOKE ISN'T FUCKING SCARY, IT'S A SET UP TO A SCARE!
And finally, the rest Mane 6 will not be joining Twilight on this adventure.
The main reason why I'm excluding the rest of the Mane 6 is that they felt unnecessary to the whole plot. I know the Mane 6 are practically the staple characters of the whole f'n show, but even then we have to give characters some breathing room, not all the main cast has to be together for an episode to be good or memorable. Applejack's got a farm and a family to look after, Fluttershy has to tend to her animals, Pinkie Pie practically has a job as a baker and even at times has her hooves full with the cake twins, Rarity makes custom tailored clothing for a living, and Rainbow Dash is Ponyville's Weather Manager, they can't just go off on adventures willy nilly with Twilight they've got shit to do for crying out loud! It's with this line of reasoning that I hope you understand my exclusion of the rest of the mane cast. In a way they were like the Shadowbolts in Friendship Games, they felt stapled into the plot just for the sake of having them and didn't add a lot or even anything at all to the overall plot and I cut them out because of that just like I'm doing here.
So with that out of the way, let us begin.
HOW I WOULD DO IT:
We start Part 1 with Twilight freaking out over a letter she receives from Celestia telling her to meet with her and Luna in Canterlot for an important meeting. And just like in the original, Twilight thinks it's a test and starts over preparing, blows up the treehouse because of Spike's comments, cue the intro. I'm keeping this scene because it just fits perfectly as the overall scene to give the audience a false sense of security in that maybe this might be a visit to another location type of episode instead of the previous opening two parters to give people a bit of a break from the last season's finale two-parter.
After the intro, we cut to Twilight arriving in the stain glass window room and Celestia reassuring Twilight it wasn't a test but for something else and we get the reveal that the Crystal Empire has returned. I'm gonna keep the whole Twilight doesn't know about it because Celestia wanted it kept hidden from the history books thing, because I have a plan as to the reasoning behind it for later. We then get the whole Sombra origins and Crystal Empire explaination, only this time Celestia delves depper into Dark Magic after Twilight ask along the lines of, "What the heck kind of magic was that?! I've never seen anything like that before!"
That scene goes along the lines of this:
Celestia: That, my dear pupil, was dark magic.
Twilight: Dark magic? But... I thought dark magic was something only told in old foal stories.
Celestia: I assure you Twilight, dark magic is as real as you and I are. And it's more dangerous than you could ever possibly imagine.
Twilight: How so?
Celestia: Dark magic feeds on a pony's negative emotions, like fear, hate, anger, and sadness. Nowadays, dark magic has become near non-existent thanks to advances in light magic, but back in my times, dark magic had a foothold in many spells. In some way, dark magic had to be required for even the simplest of spells.
Twilight: But if it did, then why is it so dangerous outside of feeding off of a pony's bad emotions?
Celestia: There have been few who studied dark magic, and those who studied it to its fullest became bound to it. They became mad, hungered for power, and destroyed anyone who got in their path of conquest. Very few have been able to come back from such a state, but more often than not it ended up leading to their ultimate demise. The worst part was that you didn't even need to be a unicorn to use dark magic. As long as one holds some kind of magical energy to them, anyone can use dark magic.
Twilight: I... I see why it's so dangerous now...
Celestia: And as much as it pains me to say this, but if you hope to stand any chance against Sombra in whatever form he has now, you'll have to learn a bit about dark magic.
Twilight: WHAT?! I-I can't! What if I lose myself to it?!
Celestia: You won't.
Twilight: What if I end up using it too much to the pont of it destroying my mind and sending me on a path of total conquest!
Celestia: You won't!
Twilight: What if-
Celestia: YOU WON'T!
Twilight: EEP!
Celestia: I... I'm sorry Twilight it's just that... it's just that I understand your concerns. But as long as you follow what I'm about to teach you correctly, you won't have to worry about any of the problems that come with it.
Twilight: Are you sure, princess?
Celestia: I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was true my faithful student.
We cut to black, then to Twilight and Spike as they arrive at the station in the snowy area outside of the Crystal Empire wearing appropriate winter gear. As they venture out into the snow, Twilight suddenly stops and looks around like as if she heard something before continuing on. This will be important for later. We then cut to Twilight and Spike arriving at the Empire itself to find a few relics of time like a statue of Sombra, and a pony that looked a lot like Twilight looking like they were facing the opposite of each other, swords clashing. Do you smell foreshadowing?
Just like in the original we have Twilight and Spike asking around town for anything regarding the Crystal Empire and Sombra only instead of a long dragging and boring scene it's more of a quick montage that cuts to them finally looking around the castle after coming up empty on info and hoping maybe the castle might bear fruit so to speak. Then, Twilight stops and looks around again. Twilight and Spike then split up so that they could cover more ground, but in reality, it's a chance for Twilight to have some alone time. Twilight starts having these moments of seemingly talking to herself, getting more and more frustrated as she searches and searches until eventually screaming at the top of her lungs, "STOP WHISPERING IN MY HEAD!!!" and then.... footsteps. Twilight looks behind her. Nothing. She hears them again. Turns around. Nothing.
Twilight's frustration has reached her peak and she starts beating her head against the wall screaming for the whispers and sounds to stop. Then... she stops. She looks all around her. Sighing in relief she says out loud, "Finally..." Twilight then goes over to a nearby bookshelf and tries to pull out a book, only to discover a hidden passageway instead. She follows the flight of steps deep, deep, deep down until eventually reaching a door that she tries to use light magic on, but won't open until she used dark magic on it. The door opens, but on the other side is a dark room that forces Twilight in and closes the door behind her, disappearing in bright light. That's when we hear it. The whispering in Twilight's head. It sounds like utter gibberish... for now at least. And like earlier Twilight's frustrations are starting to pile up, she keeps using dark magic to attack the whole room but soon is awaken from her trance when she's slapped awake by Spike who claims to have found her unconscious in the reading room after hearing her scream, "STOP WHISPERING IN MY HEAD!!!"
Twilight then gets up and decides to look in the throne room as Spike looks in the study, and we hear the whispering again, only this time it's no long JUST a whisper, it's starting to sound... like a person. Twilight then looks at the throne, notices something odd about it, and uses dark magic on it to reveal a hidden passageway that leads her to another door that's only accessible with dark magic. Twilight enters and finds herself in what looks to be a secret dungeon of sorts where the door proceeds to close behind her and cannot be open no matter what she does. Then, she hears it. The voice. It's not a whisper anymore, it's an actual voice. She turns around, and there standing before her, coming out of the shadows, is the spirit of King Sombra. To be continued...
Part 2 opens up, not counting the retelling of part 1, with a bit of a conversation between Twilight and Sombra that goes along the lines of this:
Twilight: You!
Spirit Sombra: Machu na kira kyyy.
Twilight: W-what?
Spirit Sombra: Sla lula sir-ra si.
Twilight: I-I can't understand you, what the heck are you talking in?! What language is this?!
Spirit Sombra: *chuckles* [writes on the ground "THE ANCIENT DARK MAGIC USER LANGUAGE"]
Twilight: Dark magic user language? Celestia never told me that dark magic users had their own language!
Spirit Sombra then writes down for Twilight have dark magic out in order to understand him and she does so.
Spirit Sombra: Jakun arkira ni?
Twilight: Y-yeah. I can understand you now. Now, what were you saying earlier?
Spirit Sombra: Machu na kira kyyy.
Twilight: A pleasure to meet me? Why?
Spirt Sombra: Sla lula sir-ra si.
Twilight: I-I'm not a dark magic user! Celestia just taught me the basics!
Spirt Sombra: Abula mira miii?
Twilight: Yes I'm sure!
Spirit Sombra: Heh, heh, heh. Bischof makchum quastiljarsum, wauckugm opjum alirm.
Twilight: My thoughts betray me?!
Sprit Sombra: I sinm gratchu far inm youtch gagl. Youtch hauck hake, youtch hauck akor. Yeet youtch donk koos chem.
Twilight: Fear? Anger? Hate?! What are you on about?!
Spirt Sombra: Manu youtch firra be?
Twilight: Feel what?!
Spirit Sombra: The darkness.
Spirit Sombra then vanishes and the room gets brighter along with the door opening. (For the record, yes I was inspired by KOTOR 2's Darth Nihilus's speech for Sombra's lines.) From there, Twilight begins freaking out, she doesn't know what the bloody hell just happened and neither should the audience for now because leaving the audience in the dark for now is what's adding the creepiness factor to Sombra, and being there with Twilight we can sort of understand her frustrations, but at the same time we can't help but feel bad for her with what she's having to put up with. This ghost seemingly haunting her and whispering in her ear things that are just driving her mad and making her look like she's going crazy to any outsiders.
Twilight then leaves screaming like a mad mare before reaching the throne room, the secret area closing behind her. She then finds Spike waiting for her and the two have a conversation that goes along the lines of this:
Spike: What did you find Twilight?
Twilight: Nothing Spike, except for the ghost of Sombra.
Spike: Come on Twilight be serious.
Twilight: I, AM, serious Spike! I came in contact with the spirit of Sombra down there talking in some kind of ancient dark magic user language!
Spike: Twilight, not even I could come up with something THAT ridiculous.
Twilight: *revs up her horn about to use dark magic in a fit of rage* I'M TELLING YOU THE TRUTH!
Spike: T-Twilight?! Calm down would you, you're starting to freak me out!
Twilight then calms down and sighs. Now I know what you're wondering, why isn't Spike believing her? That's the thing, that's not the real Spike. Twilight misses one detail on him and even the audience doesn't see Spike until Twilight leaves the room and the camera pans to Spike with those iconic corrupted by dark magic eyes. We then cut to Twilight in the library trying to look through the books, when she discovers something that catches her eye.
Twilight: Sombra was a dark magic apprentice? To who?!
Twilight reads on and sees that pony who looked strangely like her... and reels back in horror. Sombra's master looks JUST like her. Sombra then appears behind her, but this time, the audience now hears just what he says.
Spirit Sombra: Indeed Sparkle. My old master looked just like you. A strong user in both light and dark magic during the reign of the Crystal Queen thousands of years ago. My master was Light Spark, a very powerful user in magic, potentially even more powerful than her old teacher the Crystal Queen herself.
Twilight: Light... Spark?! Th-those are-
Spirit Sombra: Parts of your own name? Heh, heh, heh. Indeed they are. Allow me to tell you another secret Celestia has been keeping hidden from you. You're one of her descendants.
Twilight: You're lying! You have to be! There's absolutely no way I'd be the descendant of such an evil pony!
Spirit Sombra: Hahahaha! And just like that, Celestia continues to refuse to tell the real truth in history. She told you that it was I and I alone that conquered the Crystal Empire did she not? She lied to you once more. No dark magic user is ever really alone. Where there is one, there is another. Master and Apprentice. The rule of two, established by the first pony to ever fall completely to dark magic 6,000 years ago.
Twilight: Th... this can't be true...
Spirit Sombra: I assure you Sparkle, all I am saying is the truth, on the honor of the Element of Honesty.
Twilight: Why.... Why would she hide this from me?!?!
Spirit Sombra: She was afraid. Afraid of what you would become if you found out the truth. Afraid you would become more powerful than even she was. Afraid of you surpassing her.
Twilight: But isn't that the point of a teacher-student relationship? For the student to surpass the teacher?
Spirit Sombra: She feared your fall to dark magic. She feared that if you were to surpass her, you'd end up exactly like what happened to Luna. A husk of your former self, corrupted by your emotions and driven by dark magic. But I shall tell you straight forward Sparkle, dark magic is nothing to fear. Celestia and Luna claim to be the embodiment of light magic, that they are the strongest beings in all of Equestria... yet Luna fell to dark magic 1,000 years ago and Celestia was defeated by dark magic during your brother's wedding. Luna could've helped, but instead, she stayed on the moon like a coward. Opting to wait for the right moment to come in and help, but instead, by staying on the sidelines, she leads to the near fall of a whole kingdom.
Twilight: But... but Celestia-
Spirit Sombra: As off guard and cowardly Chrysalis's tactics were, Celestia, should've always been prepared for every situation. But she thought that the situation had been relatively handled well. So much so that when you tried to expose that bug, she, and the rest of your own friends, even your supposed number one assistant turned their backs on you, leaving you to the mercy of the bug who could've easily destroyed you in your moment of weakness, eliminating any possible chance of being exposed. Does that sound like a leader who truly cares about the well being of her own student? She cared more about a blasted wedding than she did about you, somepony claiming to have found a spy within their ranks.
Twilight: But... she made up with me afterward!
Spirit Sombra: Perhaps. But was it really a heartfelt apology, or was it to keep you within her sphere of influence just to make sure you didn't fall down the dark path?
Twilight: ...
Spirit Sombra: You don't know? Just as I suspected. Do you want to know just how you're a descendant of my former master? Before Celestia and Luna banished me into the ice and snow, they set a trap for Master Sparks. She was outnumbered by Celestia's forces and knocked unconscious during the fighting, with a little help from me. I was the one who set up used my dark magic to encircle Sparks with the others and secretly used a sleeping spell on her from one of the said crystals.
Twilight: Why would you do that?!
Spirit Sombra: It is the course of all dark magic users as per the rule of two. One holds all the power, the master. And one must crave that power, the apprentice. Eventually, the master is challenged by the apprentice and fight together in singles combat. The victor either becoming the new dark magic master and searching for an apprentice to continue the cycle or the master searching for a new apprentice. I knew my time would come, so I purposefully aided in the fall of my master to become the next heir to the title of Dark Magic Master. Little did I know of what Celestia and Luna had done afterward. They used their light magic to reprogram my former master. They wiped away her identity and turned her against me.
Twilight: Celestia and Luna would NEVER do that!
Spirit Sombra: Are you so sure about that? Times were different thousands of years ago. Something like that that would never be acceptable under any circumstances in today's time, was seen as absolutely necessary if they planned on stopping me. Celestia and Luna, foolishly, do not believe in eliminating their opponents, captured or otherwise. They never have and they still don't. They programmed her with a new identity, one loyal to them. They made her their slave. They turned her into a puppet, and once the battle was over they let their puppet make a new life that eventually would lead to you.
Twilight: This... this can't be true...
Spirit Sombra: *pulls out a crystal ball* Ask her yourself.
Celestia: *appears as a projection* Twilight. It's so good to see you-
Twilight: Celestia... am I... am I related to Light Sparks?
Celestia: H... how did you-
Twilight: Answer my question!
Celestia: Y... yes...
Twilight: It's true then... you've been lying to me...
Celestia: Twilight wait-
Twilight smashes the Crystal Ball in anger.
Twilight: How... how could she do this to me?!?! I'm her student! I TRUSTED HER!!! HOW MANY MORE SECRETS HAS SHE BEEN KEEPING FROM ME AND THE REST OF EQUESTRIA?!
Spirit Sombra: Trust is nothing more than a tool. Creatures build up these trust pacts to build up an everlasting friendship bond, but all it takes is one good lie to turn a pact of trust and friendship into a cesspool of hatred and broken bonds. You said to Discord that, "Friendship isn't always easy, but there's no doubt worth fighting for". Tell me, is it really worth fighting for when a ring of lies leads to the destruction of said friendship?
Twilight: I... I don't know...
Spirit Sombra: You don't know? Heh, heh, heh. Just as I thought. You're suppost to learn all you can about the magic friendship, yet you fail to understand the hardest lesson of friendship there is, "Friendships can be hard to make sometimes, but they can also be easily broken beyond repair".
Twilight: I... I understand...
Spirit Sombra: Then allow me to make a proposal to you.
Twilight: What?
Spirit Sombra: Become my secret apprentice. Learn the ways of dark magic. Then, you can use your newfound power to reveal Celestia as the liar and manipulator she is. After all, with friends like her, who needs enemies?
I imagine in this scenario, Twilight would take up Sombra on his offer and soon enough would return with Spike back to Ponyville and telling Celestia in her recent letter, which is actually a lie, that Sombra had been taken care of with Celestia replying that Cadence and Shining Armor will be taking control of the Crystal Empire from there as to preserve the balance. In secret, Twilight goes down to her basement in the middle of the night and sets up a crystal ball that allows her to communicate with Sombra and at once she begins her training and the start of the new Season 3 Arc of Twilight's fall to dark magic and eventual redemption come the season's end.
And that is how I would've done The Crystal Empire Two Parter, Sombra's become more of a threat, we've got a season-long story arc, and Twilight's got more of a presence this season than she did in the original because the build-up to her alicornhood in the original Season 3 was a bit of a shit show. Do you agree with the way I did It, do you think I just copied elements from KOTOR 1 and 2 because they have better-written villains? Let me know in the comments below. I'm Tina Arnold, and I'll see you next time!
... I LOVE IT! This is definitely better than what we actually got (which isn't hard seeing as how you were right and the original two parter was pretty much shit.) If you ever write a fanfic of this, I'd definitely read it.
That being said, I have to wonder that if after this Twilight still becomes a princess, or is given the option but chooses not to because of this. Personally, I'd go with the latter, as she'd be afraid that if she went to the dark side again nopony would be able to stop her. But that's just my thoughts.
Hope to see more on this! Thank you!
5063026
Actually, I'd imagine that in this version of Season 3 during the ending two-parter (because there SHOULD'VE been an ending two-parter) the whole Princess Twilight thing just wouldn't happen until Season 4 because after she turns bad, she's gonna need to earn back the trust of the citizens before she even THINKS about becoming a princess.
Hmm... !(DING) Ideeeaaaaaaa~
5063685
I eagerly await your next How They Should've Done blog.
5063687
Ask and you shall recieve.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/858179/how-they-shouldve-done-magical-mystery-cure
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THANK YOU!