Equestria Girls PITCH MEETING (Parody)

So, you have a My Little Pony script for me?

Yes sir, I do. It’s called My Little Pony: Equestria Girls.

Great, now the hype from this pony show is starting to reach its climax, so we really need to capitalize on this opportunity and release a pony movie at this point.

Well that’s exactly what we’re gonna do, because after all this time, there’s finally gonna be ponies on the big screen.

Great.

For about ten minutes.

What?

Well, see I noticed that Monster High toys are really big right now, so I decided to have this movie take place in a human world as a way for us to break into that market.

Oh, perfect – we can make a movie and make a lot of money with toy sales – I love it. So what can you tell me about the movie?

Well the movie picks off right where season three ended, with Twilight Sparkle as a princess, and she’s attending her first princess summit at the Crystal Empire to talk about politics.

Oh, going the Star Wars route, I love it. So what kinds of politics are they gonna talk about?

We’re not gonna find out, because the night before the summit, her crown, which is also her Element of Harmony, gets stolen.

Oh no. Who stole her crown?

Sunset Shimmer: a former student of Princess Celestia.

Like Twilight was?

That’s right.

And she’s the villain of the movie?

Yes.

So the villain of this movie is like an evil version of the hero?

Yep.

Huh. Okay, I think this could this could be interesting. So tell me more about Sunset Shimmer; what’s her personality like?

Basically like a cross between Libby from Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Regina George from Mean Girls.

Oooooooohhhhhhh. So she’s a b*ch?

Oh yeah, a total b*ch.

Well, I guess that’ll make it easier for the audience to hate her. So tell me a little bit about her backstory.

Well, she was Princess Celestia’s student in Canterlot before Twilight, and then one day, Celestia showed her a magic mirror that’s actually a portal to another world, so she went through it and that’s where she’s been all this time.

So she’s been in that other world for years now?

That’s right.

So then, how did she know that Twilight’s a princess now?

I don’t know.

And how did she know the princess summit was being held?

I don’t know.

And how did she know Twilight had an Element of Harmony?

I don’t know.

And how did she know what the Elements of Harmony are?

I don’t know.

And if the mirror was in Canterlot, what’s it doing in the Crystal Empire?

I don’t know.

Does Celestia just take the mirror with her everywhere she goes on the off chance that Sunset Shimmer might come back?

I don’t know.

Wow, there seems to be a lot of plot holes right out of the gate.

Right, see with the setup that I’m using, it would take a lot of hard work to have everything make sense, but here’s the thing: I don’t want to do that.

Hey, I get it, man. Hard work is hard; that’s why I don’t do it. I guess we can just do it this way and just hope that no one cares about all the massive plot holes.

That’s the plan.

So, what happens next in the movie?

Well Sunset Shimmer takes Twilight’s crown through the portal, and Twilight only has two days to get it back before the portal closes and Equestria is left without its greatest means of defence.

Well, her friends are right there with her, so she’ll have plenty of help.

No, see her friends are gonna volunteer to go with her, but Celestia says that it’s too dangerous, saying that it could upset the balance of the other world.

Oh, so Celestia knows all about the other world, so she can tell Twilight everything she needs to know about it before she goes.

Yeah, she could… but she’s not going to.

Why not?

Because.

Fair enough.

But don’t worry, Spike is gonna go with her, so she’ll at least have him. They then go through the portal into another world, and on the other side, Spike gets turned a puppy, and Twilight gets turned into a teenage girl.

Oh, teenage girls are ti…

Please don’t finish that sentence.

Alright, so what happens next?

Well, Twilight is at first shocked because she was turned into a completely different species, and she’s still walking on her hands and feet like a pony.

Oh, does it take her a while to learn how to walk like a human?

Well, she does struggle with it in that first scene, but for the rest of the movie she just walks normally.

She must be a fast learner.

So, the portal in this world is located in a statue in front of Canterlot High School, so she starts her investigation there, and one of the first people she meets is a boy named Brad.

Brad? That doesn’t sound like it fits our naming convention.

Oh, I’m sorry. I mean his name is Flash Sentry. I just got confused because Brad is the most generic name for a high school movie love interest, and Flash Sentry is… the most generic high school movie love interest.

Oh, he is?

Yeah, he basically checks every cliché box for this type of character: he’s popular, he plays the guitar, he makes friends with the main character pretty much instantly, and he used to date the film’s antagonist.

Oh, this guy sounds awesome. I bet he’s gonna be a fan favourite.

So Twilight then runs into Sunset Shimmer picking on a girl, and even though they basically look like humanised versions of their pony forms, with the same hair, skin tone and voice, neither of them recognise each other until someone else says their name.

Okay.

So when Twilight confronts Sunset and asks why she’s doing all this, Sunset responds by asking Twilight if she knows what happens when you take an Element of Harmony into another world.

How does Sunset know what happens when you take an Element of Harmony into another world?

I don’t know.

Alright.

Twilight also runs into human versions of her pony friends, but they’re not friends any more because Sunset Shimmer split them up.

Oh, right, she’s a villain in Friendship is Magic, so she’s anti-friendship. So has she been splitting up every friendship in the school?

No, actually it’s just that particular group, because one of the key points in the movie is how everyone in the school is in some sort of clique.

So then why did Sunset only split up that one group of friends?

Maybe because they’re other versions of Twilight’s friends?

But how did Sunset know about Twilight’s friends?

I don’t…

You don’t know, right, I got it.

So, Twilight is going to help all of them reconnect and become friends again by getting them all to talk to each other and they immediately realise that it all just a misunderstanding, and then they’re going to help Twilight get her crown back.

From Sunset Shimmer?

No, see Sunset actually lost the crown when she went back to this world, and it’s going to be awarded to the Princess of the Fall Formal – basically Prom Queen – so the only way Twilight can get it back is if she can get everyone in the school to vote for her.

Why doesn’t she just steal it back?

Because stealing is wrong.

Okay, but why doesn’t Sunset steal it back, like she did the first time?

I don’t know.

Right. So, I imagine it’s gonna be pretty difficult to get everyone in the school to vote for Twilight in just two days, since nobody here knows her.

Actually, it’s gonna be super easy; barely an inconvenience.

Oh, really?

Yeah, they’re just gonna sing a song in the cafeteria and that instantly makes the whole school love her.

Wow.

Sunset Shimmer’s then gonna get her minions to trash the gymnasium and frame Twilight for it so that she gets disqualified.

Oh, where’s that plot thread gonna go?

Absolutely nowhere, it’s gonna be cleared up in less than a minute, but it will give us a chance to bring Brad back into the story.

You mean Flash Sentry?

Yeah, him. Unfortunately, the damage to the gymnasium means that the Fall Formal will have to be postponed until after the portal closes, and the only way they’ll be able to fix it in time is if she tells her new friends the truth – that she’s a pony princess from another dimension, and that her crown is actually a magical artefact.

How is she going to do that?

Well, Twilight’s going to start explaining it, but then Pinkie Pie is going guess everything that happened up until then in incredible detail, and the rest of them are gonna believe it all pretty much immediately.

Well this is Pinkie Pie, so she’s allowed to not make sense.

Then we’re gonna have a musical montage of all of the students coming together and fixing the gymnasium.

Okay.

And then we’re immediately gonna have another musical montage of all of the girls trying on dresses.

Probably shouldn’t have more than one musical montage.

But people love musical montages. Didn’t you see Rocky?

Yeah, I love Rocky.

That has a musical montage and people love it.

Yeah, but it also only has one.

Well this movie has twice as many, so people will like this twice as much.

I guess that math works out.

Great.

So what happens next?

So then the Fall Formal happens and Twilight gets voted princess, and Principal Celestia gives her the crown.

Okay.

But then, Sunset’s minions dognap Spike and take him outside to the statue, where Sunset is waiting with a sledgehammer.

Wait, is she going to threaten to bludgeon a puppy to death?!

What?! No! She’s going to let him go and say that even she’s not that evil.

Okay, good. So what’s her actual plan?

She’s going to threaten to destroy the portal to Equestria unless Twilight gives her the crown, or she’ll never be able to see her friends again.

And what does Twilight decide?

She’s going to almost immediately refuse, saying that she’s fine staying in this world.

Wait, almost immediately? How long does it take her to decide?

Less than five seconds.

So wait, you’re saying that this story takes place right after Twilight becomes the Princess of Friendship, and it takes her less than five seconds to decide to leave her friends forever?

Well, not really, because her friends are right there with her.

But these aren’t actually her friends. They’re just alternate versions of them that she’s only known for one day.

Oh, yeah, I guess that is true. Uhhmm… I don’t know…

Uggghhh, alright.

Great.

So, does Sunset end up destroying the portal?

No, she’s going to admit that she was bluffing and throws the sledgehammer away.

Okay.

Then she snaps and charges at Twilight, to try and take the crown by force, and they all have a game of keep-away with the crown.

Well, the portal’s right there, so they can just throw the crown through it and be done.

Yeah, they could… but they’re not gonna.

Why not… You know what? I’m not even gonna ask any more.

Smart move. So Sunset’s eventually going to get the crown, and she uses it to transform into a demon.

Okay, I guess we can say that this is what happens when you take an Element of Harmony into another world.

Then she’s gonna brainwash all of the teenagers and use them to try and take over Equestria.

Her plan is to take over Equestria with an army of brainwashed teenagers?

That’s right.

…okay. So how are they going to defeat her without magic?

Well, Sunset is going to attack them, but it’s going to end up having no effect, because Twilight and her friends use the Elements of Harmony to defeat her instantly.

But the other Elements aren’t in this world, and these girls don’t have a connection to… You know what? Forget it; just tell me how it ends.

Twilight then delivers a friendship speech and shoots Sunset with a rainbow, so she’s good now, and even though there are only a few minutes before the portal closes for another thirty moons, she’s gonna go back to the Fall Formal to spend some more time with her new friends, and to dance with Brad.

You mean Flash Sentry?

Yeah, him. So, after the dance, Twilight says goodbye to her new friends, and she and Spike go back to Equestria, where all of their pony friends are waiting for them.

So we’re basically saying that the ponies just stood in front of the mirror for two days?

That’s right.

That’s probably the most realistic thing in the movie so far. I also spend two days just standing in front of a mirror.

You are very handsome, sir. So anyway, Twilight is then going to meet the pony version of Flash Sentry, and we’re going to imply that she likes him, even though he’s completely different from the boy that she likes.

Yeah, the line between whether or not the pony and human versions of each character are the same people or different is kind of blurry.

Kind of. So anyway… yeah, that’s the movie.

Wait, does Sunset Shimmer not go back to Equestria?

No, I actually decided to leave her in the human world, since if we ever decide to make a sequel, we can have her be the main character, since she’s reformed now.

Well, alright, I mean, we’ll go ahead and make the movie, but between all of the plot contrivances and things that just flat-out don’t make sense, I don’t see us ever touching this series again.

Comments

[Von Voctavia]

I hear it in their voices :D